Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Take Me to the River"Shenanigans on the frontier
12 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi my friend. I am very pleased to see continuation of your book, Earl.
The western favor still remains and it reminds one of "down home" life.
The realism in the dialogue is wonderful. Bless you, Earl. Bob
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
  |
Hi my friend. I am very pleased to see continuation of your book, Earl.
The western favor still remains and it reminds one of "down home" life.
The realism in the dialogue is wonderful. Bless you, Earl. Bob
Comment Written 27-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story Bob. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
-
:) Bob
Comment from aryr
This was a great and amazing continuation chapter, Earl. I really enjoyed how you started out with Grandma Roseanna, then switched it to Smythe and Finnerty with a much younger Roseanna, then to Doo, Janie, Mighty Beaver and Clancy only to finish up with a Shawnee conversation. They were all interesting parts and very well done. Great job. Blessings.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
This was a great and amazing continuation chapter, Earl. I really enjoyed how you started out with Grandma Roseanna, then switched it to Smythe and Finnerty with a much younger Roseanna, then to Doo, Janie, Mighty Beaver and Clancy only to finish up with a Shawnee conversation. They were all interesting parts and very well done. Great job. Blessings.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
-
You are so welcome, Earl.
Comment from BethShelby
I'm enjoyed this story. It is an interesting tale of life in the one frontier days. You have a lot of characters to I'm glad you have a list of them. Since you don't post this story often, it is hard to keep track of all of them without the list.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
I'm enjoyed this story. It is an interesting tale of life in the one frontier days. You have a lot of characters to I'm glad you have a list of them. Since you don't post this story often, it is hard to keep track of all of them without the list.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from lyenochka
Glad you put that in the notes that the italics was to show it was Shawnee that was spoken. But you also use italics to show and someone is thinking something. So perhaps you could do the Shawnee in a different font color? or different font altogether?
Enjoyed these four different scenes. Seems like everyone knows about how Doo feels about Roseanne. But it is Roseanne telling the story.
Minor nits:
"He reminds of me when I was younger, I probably would have done the same." (I would make that comma into a period and make two sentences)
"Yes you would have." (Yes,) add comma and a blank line before this sentence as it's a new speaker.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
Glad you put that in the notes that the italics was to show it was Shawnee that was spoken. But you also use italics to show and someone is thinking something. So perhaps you could do the Shawnee in a different font color? or different font altogether?
Enjoyed these four different scenes. Seems like everyone knows about how Doo feels about Roseanne. But it is Roseanne telling the story.
Minor nits:
"He reminds of me when I was younger, I probably would have done the same." (I would make that comma into a period and make two sentences)
"Yes you would have." (Yes,) add comma and a blank line before this sentence as it's a new speaker.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story and the editing tips. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from juliaSjames
You tell a good story, Earl. I haven't followed for a while but it's easy to fall back into the groove, thanks to your easy flowing dialogue and excellent author notes.
You have a gift for depicting characters. How they look, what they say, how they move. Makes them memorable.
I think I'm hooked again.
Take care
Stay safe and healthy
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
You tell a good story, Earl. I haven't followed for a while but it's easy to fall back into the groove, thanks to your easy flowing dialogue and excellent author notes.
You have a gift for depicting characters. How they look, what they say, how they move. Makes them memorable.
I think I'm hooked again.
Take care
Stay safe and healthy
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 26-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story Julia. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Earl, with both Swooping Eagle and Stalking Wolf now supplied with rifles, Doo Carter is certainly going to need some of the luck you said he had, not to be shot in the back, if those two Shawnee Indians happen to find him. I wouldn't mind it however, if by mistake the bullet hits Smythe instead.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
Dear Earl, with both Swooping Eagle and Stalking Wolf now supplied with rifles, Doo Carter is certainly going to need some of the luck you said he had, not to be shot in the back, if those two Shawnee Indians happen to find him. I wouldn't mind it however, if by mistake the bullet hits Smythe instead.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story Bob. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from poetwatch
You got them Indians names a little mixed, Earl. :) You downgraded Stalking Wolf, "You will not accompany us when we go meet the traders, Swooping Eagle told Stalking Coyote." You're doing a great job with this story. I keep looking for your name to appear on my screen. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
You got them Indians names a little mixed, Earl. :) You downgraded Stalking Wolf, "You will not accompany us when we go meet the traders, Swooping Eagle told Stalking Coyote." You're doing a great job with this story. I keep looking for your name to appear on my screen. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Good catch I fixed it. Thank you very much for sticking with my story Bob. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Ben Colder
What a story. You did a good job with these characters. I can see th Ferry thing come alive. I thought the old gal was getting a discount for her father known the old boy. Good one Earl.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
What a story. You did a good job with these characters. I can see th Ferry thing come alive. I thought the old gal was getting a discount for her father known the old boy. Good one Earl.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story Ben. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from royowen
It's been a while since this story surfaced Earl, a darn hood one, with Finnerty the ferryman charging Smythe $10 to ferry all those mules across the river and Finnerty not willing unless he did pay. But Roseanne Carter intervened, this is all watched by Swooping Eagle, Wise Owl, and Stalking Wolf. Well done Earl, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
It's been a while since this story surfaced Earl, a darn hood one, with Finnerty the ferryman charging Smythe $10 to ferry all those mules across the river and Finnerty not willing unless he did pay. But Roseanne Carter intervened, this is all watched by Swooping Eagle, Wise Owl, and Stalking Wolf. Well done Earl, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for sticking with my story Roy. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from F. William Lester
I've missed a good portion of your story. It is a good read. I have one comment: You use Italics to show thoughts and the Shawnee speaking in their native language. Despite using single quotes to set thoughts apart from the native speech, I find this very confusing. I've asked several editors about the use of Italics, and most tell me the fewer the better. My suggestion is leave the thoughts in Italics without the single quotes, and use a more stilted dialog without contractions to reflect the native dialog. You might ever insert a dialog tag stating they are speaking in their native tongue. Thanks for sharing your story. Stay well.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
|
I've missed a good portion of your story. It is a good read. I have one comment: You use Italics to show thoughts and the Shawnee speaking in their native language. Despite using single quotes to set thoughts apart from the native speech, I find this very confusing. I've asked several editors about the use of Italics, and most tell me the fewer the better. My suggestion is leave the thoughts in Italics without the single quotes, and use a more stilted dialog without contractions to reflect the native dialog. You might ever insert a dialog tag stating they are speaking in their native tongue. Thanks for sharing your story. Stay well.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
-
Thank you very much for your suggestions. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
-
You're most welcome.
