Hawkshaw, Chapter 2
A Scorned Woman On The Hunt17 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Brett, I like this story and I like it a lot. It's quite a tell down she's having, and for a moment I was worried she was going to use the gun on herself. Now, will she have the guts to use it where it's needed. The writing is crisp and well paced. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Hi Brett, I like this story and I like it a lot. It's quite a tell down she's having, and for a moment I was worried she was going to use the gun on herself. Now, will she have the guts to use it where it's needed. The writing is crisp and well paced. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Always appreciate your insights and reviews.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Those Louie V purses sure come in handy when a damsel in distress is packing. Now I'm anxious to learn if she ends up having the nerve to us it. Well written as always. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Those Louie V purses sure come in handy when a damsel in distress is packing. Now I'm anxious to learn if she ends up having the nerve to us it. Well written as always. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Once again certainly appreciate your insights and the review. Also, the sixer. Next chapter be out soon.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your writing and story line are both good. Just keep an eye on your speech tags.
he surveyed the room and smiled, "Will two million in your pocket guarantee the proper results?" (period needed after smile, it's not a speech tag)
Eleanor laughed, "Under the table, of course. The modern way of conducting business." (the same, period after laughed)
"Do you aim to marry me?" She asked. (lower case 's' on she, it IS a speech tag)
"This, my dear lady, calls for a celebration," Thaddeus McGraw beamed. (period after celebration)
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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Your writing and story line are both good. Just keep an eye on your speech tags.
he surveyed the room and smiled, "Will two million in your pocket guarantee the proper results?" (period needed after smile, it's not a speech tag)
Eleanor laughed, "Under the table, of course. The modern way of conducting business." (the same, period after laughed)
"Do you aim to marry me?" She asked. (lower case 's' on she, it IS a speech tag)
"This, my dear lady, calls for a celebration," Thaddeus McGraw beamed. (period after celebration)
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping--a tour de force of startling, vivid imagery--rife with delectable details of feasting--diabolical characters--stunning narration. Cliffhanger! I'm guessing she's too narcissitic and vengeful to kill herself.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Gripping--a tour de force of startling, vivid imagery--rife with delectable details of feasting--diabolical characters--stunning narration. Cliffhanger! I'm guessing she's too narcissitic and vengeful to kill herself.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Much appreciate the review.
Comment from Leann DS
This is well written with a lot of visual imagery and detail. The dialogue is effective and moves the story along. However, I have no idea what's going on here. LOL I guess it would be helpful to read the previous chapter, huh?
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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This is well written with a lot of visual imagery and detail. The dialogue is effective and moves the story along. However, I have no idea what's going on here. LOL I guess it would be helpful to read the previous chapter, huh?
Comment Written 02-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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Yes, by reading the previous chapter insight could be gained. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Chris Fruge
I see this is chapter 2 so I went back and read chapter 1 first to get some context. At this point, the two chapters seem to stand alone and offer expositions to introduce the narrator (?) and then Eleanor. You've got my curiosity to want to see more chapters and watch how it all comes together!
We don't know why Eleanor wanted her mother institutionalized. We have learned she got control of the cosmetic company but she already had 2M to bribe the doctor so we are led to believe she was already well off. Perhaps this is something that could be explored further?
I'm assuming that the character in the first chapter is the narrator in the second? If so, do they have a consistent point of view? For example, I wonder how this narrator could know the details of her cat or the exact wording of how her love interest dumped her.
I enjoyed the language you used such as the simile here "... brokered a deal as dirty as the janitor's rancid bucket." Very clever.
I don't know how far along you got in your chapters but just keep writing and perhaps consider my suggestions for later, if at all. Keep the creativity going, it's really great!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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I see this is chapter 2 so I went back and read chapter 1 first to get some context. At this point, the two chapters seem to stand alone and offer expositions to introduce the narrator (?) and then Eleanor. You've got my curiosity to want to see more chapters and watch how it all comes together!
We don't know why Eleanor wanted her mother institutionalized. We have learned she got control of the cosmetic company but she already had 2M to bribe the doctor so we are led to believe she was already well off. Perhaps this is something that could be explored further?
I'm assuming that the character in the first chapter is the narrator in the second? If so, do they have a consistent point of view? For example, I wonder how this narrator could know the details of her cat or the exact wording of how her love interest dumped her.
I enjoyed the language you used such as the simile here "... brokered a deal as dirty as the janitor's rancid bucket." Very clever.
I don't know how far along you got in your chapters but just keep writing and perhaps consider my suggestions for later, if at all. Keep the creativity going, it's really great!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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Appreciate the insights and the review.
Comment from BethShelby
Eleanor has control of her mother's cosmetic company and now she has been rejected by her lover. She retrieves her pistol and I'm curious as to what she plans to do next. Maybe that is when the new Sheriff in town will come into the story. I look forward to more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Eleanor has control of her mother's cosmetic company and now she has been rejected by her lover. She retrieves her pistol and I'm curious as to what she plans to do next. Maybe that is when the new Sheriff in town will come into the story. I look forward to more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 19-May-2021
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Thanks once again for such a generous u s review.
