Comment from Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent

Charming piece--fine work for a flash. This may be a winner--priceless punchline--that would indeed be a brilliant merger. Hilarious about being busted if you don't wash your hands--kind of like the dye packs that give away bank robbers. Thanks for the chuckle.

 Comment Written 08-May-2021

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reply by the author on 09-May-2021

Thanks so much Elizabeth. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It wasn't much fun at the time, but looking back, I can laugh now.
Happy Mother's Day!
Tom

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

You did a good job with your contest entry. I enjoyed it more than you enjoyed those outhouse, I bet. You told a good little story. What is an end-time farm? I guess what you had was better than what else was there to choose from, right? The discussion about the TP was funny to me, but I'm sure not to those affected. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 08-May-2021

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reply by the author on 09-May-2021

Hello Jan,
thanks for the kind review. My wife and I and our two daughters moved outside of Hoonah Alaska to a farm that was run by a Christian organization called the Move or The Move of God. They believed that the world was coming to an end, money was going to be no good and so on. Some folks would classify it as a cult, and in many ways it was, although if we had known how it was going to be, we'd have never gone there. It changed my life in so many ways, for good and bad, at the time. I wrote my first book about my ten years of living there titled, Wilderness Blues, A Tale of Outhouses, Rutabagas and Other Unsavory Subjects. It was very therapeutic to write, as I was still angry when I left there. If you have any more questions, I'd be glad to answer them on an email to me. Gotta go to church. Have a blessed Mother's Day!

Tom

Comment from Begin Again

Excellent

Oh my goodness... your flash was hysterical and sad at the same time. When I was very young, my aunt and uncle lived in the country and had an outhouse. I was always afraid of falling through the hole. your description of using what was on hand was priceless. Smiles, Carol

 Comment Written 06-May-2021

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reply by the author on 06-May-2021

Thank you Carol. It runs in my mind that the kids were afraid of falling in as well. I can't think of too many things that would strike terror into the heart of a child like falling down the outhouse hole. Thanks for the review. Have a great day.

Tom

Comment from Anne Johnston

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this. Like you, I grew up in the era where there was no indoor plumbing, just outhouses. Newspaper was great, but often it was the pages of the catalogues that graced the outhouse, not nearly as soft as newsprint.

 Comment Written 06-May-2021

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reply by the author on 06-May-2021

Hello Anne, thanks for the kind review. I actually grew up in a home that had indoor plumbing, but when I was twenty four I moved to an end time farm ( it was established with the thought that the world was coming to an end) and experienced outhouses as part of my every day life for ten years. Periodically catalogues would show up, and you're right, they aren't nearly as good, but if you crinkled them up, they got better. Still, I'll take Charmin any day.

Have a great day.

Tom

reply by Anne Johnston on 06-May-2021

You are welcome

Comment from Liz O'Neill

Excellent

I thought I was in for a nice long story. I'm disappointed that there is not a longer. I like your writing voice. Where is the rest of your story? Is it available by email? I can give you my email address. You have me fascinated now. Well written.

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2021

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021

Hi Liz,
I think this story was short by necessity. It was a 50 or 75 or 100 word deal. I do have a longer version actually, but it was in the book that I mentioned. You seem interested in my work so if you're comfortable, send my your mailing address and I'll send you a complimentary copy of my book. If you like it, tell all your friends. I do sell the book an Amazon, but it's cheaper to buy it direct from me if anyone is interested. Thank you for the kind review.
Tom

reply by Liz O'Neill on 08-Apr-2021

I would love that: Thanking you ahead of time.

Liz ONeill
181 Whitney Hill Rd.
Brookline, VT 05345

reply by the author on 09-Apr-2021

You got it Liz. I'll send it off either tomorrow or Monday. It will be sent media rate, so it will take longer to get to you, but I will have a tracking number on it to see where it is in the postal system. The mail here is surprisingly quick compared to where we were in Hoonah.
On a different note, do you ever go to Townshend Vt? My friend Buffalo Bob Holden, who I mention in the book lives there. Just curious.
Have a great day.

Tom

reply by Liz O'Neill on 17-Apr-2021

I live 15 minutes from Townshend. In fact that is where I'm getting my shots. My 2nd one is in 3 days.

reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021

Oh my word. I visited Buffalo six or eight years ago. We drove around some different areas. He showed me some graveyards that were really old, including where his great, great grandfather was buried. The headstone was only about an inch thick. His grandfather's name was Squire Holden, but whoever did the marker spelled it Square Holden. For the life of me I don't know why they didn't change it. We looked at his property in the woods and saw all the plastic lines for the maple sap and I was amazed to see all the stone walls. Beautiful place. I hope to visit again someday.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

I can only imagine an 'end-time' farm as one where the people figure the world is on its way out. My sister and brother moved to Fairbanks and North Pole, Alaska, respectively, back in the seventies, to escape the 'world'. I think your notion of Charmin is a good one, although one is already full of it before wiping.

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2021

Thanks Bill. You're right about the farm. There were a number of them scattered around Alaska. I spent ten years there; most of them I was miserable. It was a learning experience, and I was able to get a book out of my experiences- Wilderness Blues, A Tale of Outhouses, Rutabagas and Other Unsavory Subjects. When I left the place I was really angry, but as I wrote I found myself getting better and better.

Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Lol TB Botts!

This is a hysterical true story flash! Oh my! You have a very clever ending.

A pattern...like making a dress or shirt. Too funny!
"Ink on your hands"

Best of both worlds, indeed! Thanks for choosing my art. Kind of embarrassing...I guess all those years ago I had not figured out how to go in and straiten a photo.

Great job on your entry!
Hope you win,

Anna

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021

Hi Anna-
Thanks for commenting. It was nice to find a picture that fit the bill as well. My time with outhouses lasted for ten years from 1976 to 1987. Of course since then we had the Y2k scare where one fellow I read about spent his whole 401K on toilet paper. I hope his barn didn't leak. Then with the Covid scare and once again toilet paper became an object of hoarding. If push comes to shove you can use cash register receipts in an emergency (I assume). It would seem that food would be a higher priority. Best wishes.

Tom

reply by AnnaLinda on 20-Mar-2021

Tom,

Yes...food is likely to be an issue...scarcity.
TP is likely to be like gold and we'll be wiping with our fiat currency soon.

I read that we should be careful with those cash register receipts...especially with hand sanitizers...cancer causing...add that to your list...

Comment from Allieas

Good

Wow, very interesting flash fiction. It was informative and brought us into an experience that was uniquely yours. It's certainly not an experience that I would have ever come across if not for your story. I appreciated the drizzle of humor in the quip about at least knowing who washed afterwords!

Thanks for sharing this small piece of your life story with us, and best of luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021

Thanks for the review Alexandra. There was much more that could have been written about my ten years at the compound, and I did write a book about it, but unfortunately I had to condense as much as I could into a few words.

Comment from Susan Newell

Excellent

Talk about self-inflicted abuse! Outhouses are one thing, but foregoing toilet paper is a step too far. At least you had water to wash your hands, and I'll bet hands weren't the only things stained with ink from the newspaper. When newspapers die, as they are in the process of doing, what will you use? Corn cobs? Rags with your initials embroidered on them? Three cheers for toilet paper--the greatest invention (splinter free) of the twentieth century. Good job in telling your story.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2021

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021

Thank you Susan for your feedback. It's a long story and wasn't entirely of my choice, but suffice it to say, I no longer live there, and things eventually got better. Even worse than the lack of TP was that the outhouses were two person with darn little separating the two stalls. You never knew who was going to sit down in the stall next to you, same sex or not, and some folks liked to strike up a conversation. It was all quite humiliating. Anyway, thanks for the favorable review.

reply by Susan Newell on 20-Mar-2021

You had stalls?! At Grandma's we just had a three-holer. You probably had toilet seats, too. But WE had TP.

I hope to read more stories about your Alaskan experience.

reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021

Actually no toilet seats. We lived on a place like a commune only it was Christian, with some cult like overtones if you will. Anyway, the eldership pretty much ran the day to day operations, and if you wanted TP, you had to buy your own. We ate together, worked together, worshipped together- frankly it was too much togetherness, but for reason's that are hard to explain, we were there for ten long years before we finally left.