The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "The Falling Away"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
10 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
The sequence of action in this chapter sure keeps the reader on the edge. It struck a chord to realize only one out of three people in this little group on the run survived.
Only one suggestion:
She looked to me, lifeless as a ragdoll.
I would say:
To me, she looked as lifeless as a rag doll.
That will eliminate confusion.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2021
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The sequence of action in this chapter sure keeps the reader on the edge. It struck a chord to realize only one out of three people in this little group on the run survived.
Only one suggestion:
She looked to me, lifeless as a ragdoll.
I would say:
To me, she looked as lifeless as a rag doll.
That will eliminate confusion.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2021
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Thanks, Crystie! I have been fighting through writer's block with various family crisis in the mix. I appreciate this super review.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Stan.
After the many trials and tribulations, Jane finds herself alone now. She survived the torrent but little dear did not. You continue to use strong descriptive language which keeps the reading interesting.
This is an emotionally tough chapter.
Robert
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2021
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Hello Stan.
After the many trials and tribulations, Jane finds herself alone now. She survived the torrent but little dear did not. You continue to use strong descriptive language which keeps the reading interesting.
This is an emotionally tough chapter.
Robert
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2021
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Thanks, Robert. I've been struggling with writing lately and the self doubt that gets under the skin.
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Hello Stan.
Self-doubt is tough to deal with. Your descriptive narratives in your writing are outstanding. They are not overwritten but they establish excellent verbal/visual images. Sometimes it can become a matter of content and what I have learned to do is take events during the day and mentally catalog them. Politicians make it so easy to come up with material.
I spend time writing every day, but if there are days that I don't feel like writing I write about that. I have papers, notes, and notebooks all over the place. I even use a voice recorder when I don't have paper around. I do that to keep my mind working everyday.
I try to remember every day that I don't write because I have to, I write because I want to. Stay with it Stan.
Robert
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You are one determined writer, sir. I love your attitude. By God's grace...
Comment from Mistydawn
What a chapter. Very suspenseful in the beginning, heartwrenching in the end. I'm glad Jane made it but I wished her companions would've too. Like always, I look forward to reading more.
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What a chapter. Very suspenseful in the beginning, heartwrenching in the end. I'm glad Jane made it but I wished her companions would've too. Like always, I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
Comment from Alaskastory
"The Falling Away" is an amazing expression of danger and shows so well how Jane managed in her struggle. Very well done.
Add to: "We watched helpless(ly), as Standing Bear fought...."
Missing word: "From the corner (of) my eye, I watched,..."
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"The Falling Away" is an amazing expression of danger and shows so well how Jane managed in her struggle. Very well done.
Add to: "We watched helpless(ly), as Standing Bear fought...."
Missing word: "From the corner (of) my eye, I watched,..."
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
Comment from royowen
It would be nice if Little Deer was safe, her faith deserves reward, as any Christian should attest, but sometimes in spite of ourselves it sometimes doesn't, and remains one of those eternal mysteries. How are you Stan, and your son, there were those who faithfully prayed. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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It would be nice if Little Deer was safe, her faith deserves reward, as any Christian should attest, but sometimes in spite of ourselves it sometimes doesn't, and remains one of those eternal mysteries. How are you Stan, and your son, there were those who faithfully prayed. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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He's taking a new medication, but will likely be in the hospital for another week. I just spoke with him on the phone and he sounded much better. Thanks to all those in your circle who pray and truly believe in the power of prayer.
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That?s excellent Stan,
Comment from Mastery
Hi Stan. This is another good action-packed chapter in your book. Action like this is well described and believable:
" The white water snared me like a ghostly grip toward rocks and boulders. My head smacked and bled from dead wood branches, blood stinging and blinding my eyes, reminding me I lived. Clinging to deadfall debris, I fished myself from a slow bend of silt and gravel."
One suggestion, if I may and it's something you can always use in any writing of yours.
To avoid the repeating of the pronoun "he" in this case, Start every other sentence with the action instead of "he" or "I"
Like this for instance:: (as is) "I opened my eyes to see that the threat of death was not over. The white water snared me like a ghostly grip toward rocks and boulders.
Change to "Opening my eyes, I saw the threat was over."
You will see many places this change can be used in your writing and you will like it a lot more.
Bless you, my friend. Bob
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Hi Stan. This is another good action-packed chapter in your book. Action like this is well described and believable:
" The white water snared me like a ghostly grip toward rocks and boulders. My head smacked and bled from dead wood branches, blood stinging and blinding my eyes, reminding me I lived. Clinging to deadfall debris, I fished myself from a slow bend of silt and gravel."
One suggestion, if I may and it's something you can always use in any writing of yours.
To avoid the repeating of the pronoun "he" in this case, Start every other sentence with the action instead of "he" or "I"
Like this for instance:: (as is) "I opened my eyes to see that the threat of death was not over. The white water snared me like a ghostly grip toward rocks and boulders.
Change to "Opening my eyes, I saw the threat was over."
You will see many places this change can be used in your writing and you will like it a lot more.
Bless you, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
Comment from Ben Colder
I have missed some but this is a very good illustration of how it could have been and may have.
Reminds me of a movie I saw once. This would make a good movie.
Well done Stan.
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I have missed some but this is a very good illustration of how it could have been and may have.
Reminds me of a movie I saw once. This would make a good movie.
Well done Stan.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
FORESTPORT12:
This is a very tough chapter that truly gets to the root of what happened to anyone who dared defy the chief of a tribe. I cannot even begin to imagine all the hardships the pioneer woman faced on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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FORESTPORT12:
This is a very tough chapter that truly gets to the root of what happened to anyone who dared defy the chief of a tribe. I cannot even begin to imagine all the hardships the pioneer woman faced on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Thanks for your kind words. I saw how I could have rearranged it differently and improved the flow.
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! Your story has a lot of terrible thing happening to this poor lady. We think we have it bad these days. For those who lived in the savage world of the old West, I imagine out lives would seem like Heaven. I look forward to seeing how you are ever going to get her out of the situation you have put her in.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Wow! Your story has a lot of terrible thing happening to this poor lady. We think we have it bad these days. For those who lived in the savage world of the old West, I imagine out lives would seem like Heaven. I look forward to seeing how you are ever going to get her out of the situation you have put her in.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Thanks for all your kind words and faithfulness to read it.
Comment from Sally Law
Wow. I felt the plunge. There's a lot of great action in this one start to finish.
Just one improvement, if I may. We are thrust into an active scene immediately. The blender is on high in the first paragraph. Be patient and build the tension. Make the reader wait for it a bit. :)) I hope this is helpful. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal :)) xo
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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Wow. I felt the plunge. There's a lot of great action in this one start to finish.
Just one improvement, if I may. We are thrust into an active scene immediately. The blender is on high in the first paragraph. Be patient and build the tension. Make the reader wait for it a bit. :)) I hope this is helpful. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal :)) xo
Comment Written 19-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2021
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So true. It should have been orchestrated to bring it up to a certain crescendo. Dead on!
