C and A
Unexpected7 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
I see you have created a nice allegorical story for Astrazeneca and COVID 19 to appear and get to know each other. People sure do love to court danger. Great job with this.
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I see you have created a nice allegorical story for Astrazeneca and COVID 19 to appear and get to know each other. People sure do love to court danger. Great job with this.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
Comment from Judy Lawless
You have an interesting premise here and it entices laughter. However, you have some issues with the proper words to use. Perhaps English isn't your first language? Below are some examples. I hope you find them useful. Corrections are in brackets.
1. "she needs to take one last dive and then retrieve(retreat) to that deserted bar"
2. "to take refugee to(at) that lonely bar"
3. "Let's tastetest) my theory."
4. "The moment C stand(stood) up,"
5. "How come that they" (Why) are...
6. "lie about the blood clogs(clots)."
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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You have an interesting premise here and it entices laughter. However, you have some issues with the proper words to use. Perhaps English isn't your first language? Below are some examples. I hope you find them useful. Corrections are in brackets.
1. "she needs to take one last dive and then retrieve(retreat) to that deserted bar"
2. "to take refugee to(at) that lonely bar"
3. "Let's tastetest) my theory."
4. "The moment C stand(stood) up,"
5. "How come that they" (Why) are...
6. "lie about the blood clogs(clots)."
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much Judy, for the corrections, it improved my story a lot.
Comment from lyenochka
Ah, it's a symbolic story! Covid and Astra-Zeneca meet but they are women instead. I hope we all will be protected and can enjoy gatherings and you can enjoy the ocean again! Best wishes in the contest!
I really liked: "let herself be bewitched by the music of the waves. "
Word change suggestions:
retrieve to that deserted bar (retreat)
"No, I would love too (to)
"Let's taste my theory. (test)
everybody dissipated." (dispersed)
blood clogs." (clots)
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Ah, it's a symbolic story! Covid and Astra-Zeneca meet but they are women instead. I hope we all will be protected and can enjoy gatherings and you can enjoy the ocean again! Best wishes in the contest!
I really liked: "let herself be bewitched by the music of the waves. "
Word change suggestions:
retrieve to that deserted bar (retreat)
"No, I would love too (to)
"Let's taste my theory. (test)
everybody dissipated." (dispersed)
blood clogs." (clots)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for the corrections.
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Enjoyed the story! You had my vote! 💕
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Thank you so much for the vote:) it helped:)
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Hooray!
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Thank you:) I need it this, because I just received another rejection from a literature contest - fracture Magazine:( I will never be published in North America,I am so dumb
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No, don't say that. I don't know if I can ever be published. I see the kind of work that people are looking for and I don't write that kind of stuff. Like you told me before -- let's just have fun!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This fiction speaks about general to special event and deal between two women sit at a deserted bar expressed thru a nice taletelling with progress of plot development and dialogues realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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This fiction speaks about general to special event and deal between two women sit at a deserted bar expressed thru a nice taletelling with progress of plot development and dialogues realistic; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Thank you:)
Comment from lancellot
Okay, This is a good effort and I can see the beginnings of a solid story here. The issues to work on is proper word choice and better dialogue. I would advise reading this to someone or out loud. That may help you find the problem spots and making editing easier.
and then {retrieve} to that deserted bar by the edge of the water.
- I would reconsider this word here.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Okay, This is a good effort and I can see the beginnings of a solid story here. The issues to work on is proper word choice and better dialogue. I would advise reading this to someone or out loud. That may help you find the problem spots and making editing easier.
and then {retrieve} to that deserted bar by the edge of the water.
- I would reconsider this word here.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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I have revised my story, I hope it's better.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A clever write, albeit quite chilling as the virus is spreading like wildfire and now we know why after reading your story. A fearful and dreaded meeting here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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A clever write, albeit quite chilling as the virus is spreading like wildfire and now we know why after reading your story. A fearful and dreaded meeting here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much:)
Comment from Goodadvicechan
Good imagination to come out with C and A. I enjoy the story. You are good in telling the story and slowly reviews what is C and what is A and why one attracts and the other drives people away.
Great work... Good luck to your contest.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Good imagination to come out with C and A. I enjoy the story. You are good in telling the story and slowly reviews what is C and what is A and why one attracts and the other drives people away.
Great work... Good luck to your contest.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much
