Forest beckons
Kyrielle Poetry7 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I adore your inventive end rhymes and your sentiment but the meter here is uneven and stops the poem flowing with ease, a few minor adjustments would make all the difference, I enjoyed it all the same, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2021
I adore your inventive end rhymes and your sentiment but the meter here is uneven and stops the poem flowing with ease, a few minor adjustments would make all the difference, I enjoyed it all the same, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2021
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I am working on re-writing this thank you for your honesty. Jim
Comment from harmony13
I found these words interesting, clear and creative. I pondered on the theme of these words. The poem flows and connects well. The artwork
is perfect and compliments this poem. I smiled as I read the last stanza.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
I found these words interesting, clear and creative. I pondered on the theme of these words. The poem flows and connects well. The artwork
is perfect and compliments this poem. I smiled as I read the last stanza.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
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Thank you
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
Hmmm... Well, I think this poem meets the criteria of the kyrielle format, but to tell the complete, honest truth. It just doesn't really make a lot of sense. Does it? Let's take a look at what I'm talking about...
1.) Questionable lines:
--> the sun was shining for its sake
--> hearing a tree whisper mistake
2.) I turned and saw the forest shake.
--> how does a forest shake, exactly? The tops, with the wind, sure
3.) "(P)lease come back, be here. For our sake!"
--> how was this person going to help and what exactly was the problem?
4.) The person's actions:
--> I took a walk toward the lake. -- TOWARD the lake
--> I turned and saw the forest shake. -- TOWARD the forest now
--> (the forest asks him to help)
--> (he cannot forsake)
--> I turned and walked with a heartache. -- He TURNS AGAIN - away???
There are a lot of questions here. It doesn't seem this was thought through all the way. With some edits, I think this could work quite nicely. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
Dear Mystery Writer,
Hmmm... Well, I think this poem meets the criteria of the kyrielle format, but to tell the complete, honest truth. It just doesn't really make a lot of sense. Does it? Let's take a look at what I'm talking about...
1.) Questionable lines:
--> the sun was shining for its sake
--> hearing a tree whisper mistake
2.) I turned and saw the forest shake.
--> how does a forest shake, exactly? The tops, with the wind, sure
3.) "(P)lease come back, be here. For our sake!"
--> how was this person going to help and what exactly was the problem?
4.) The person's actions:
--> I took a walk toward the lake. -- TOWARD the lake
--> I turned and saw the forest shake. -- TOWARD the forest now
--> (the forest asks him to help)
--> (he cannot forsake)
--> I turned and walked with a heartache. -- He TURNS AGAIN - away???
There are a lot of questions here. It doesn't seem this was thought through all the way. With some edits, I think this could work quite nicely. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
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Thanks for the kick in the rear🙏🙏
Comment from Earl Corp
This was a great entry into the Kyrielle poetry contest. Your poem rhymed and made sense. Just one question: what do you mean being in the trees bakes your cake? Is that a good thing/ Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
This was a great entry into the Kyrielle poetry contest. Your poem rhymed and made sense. Just one question: what do you mean being in the trees bakes your cake? Is that a good thing/ Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
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Earl that just was sloppy on my part I changed it. Thanks
Comment from eltwelve
It was beautifully written, seems like a difficult format. The description of the nature parts were vivid, the picture complimentary. The only thing that took me by surprise is the last line, being in the trees ,bakes my cake. It just jolted the flow
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
It was beautifully written, seems like a difficult format. The description of the nature parts were vivid, the picture complimentary. The only thing that took me by surprise is the last line, being in the trees ,bakes my cake. It just jolted the flow
Comment Written 11-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
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Reworked
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this beautiful poem! I am a lover of nature MNature tells us the truth. We should know how to speak to them, how to listen to them. They do not preach learning and precepts. Thanks for sharing. Good luck!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this beautiful poem! I am a lover of nature MNature tells us the truth. We should know how to speak to them, how to listen to them. They do not preach learning and precepts. Thanks for sharing. Good luck!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
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Thanks
Comment from dragonpoet
What is the mistake you are making by walking in the forest? Or is the forest trying to let you know there is a mistake man is doing that needs you to correct it?
Walking among trees can be both calming and awe inspiring.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck with the prompt
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
What is the mistake you are making by walking in the forest? Or is the forest trying to let you know there is a mistake man is doing that needs you to correct it?
Walking among trees can be both calming and awe inspiring.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck with the prompt
dragonpoet
Comment Written 11-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
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The forest is his home, where he belongs, not at the lake. Thanks and be well!
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You're welcome. How about a lake surrounded by trees,
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