Fun-tastic
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Conspiracy - pr 2"Humanity post doom
5 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading. You keep me interested with your creativity.
"it's a wonderful day!" What's so wonderful about it? I feel like a butterfly trapped in a bottle. No matter how much I am flipping my arms there is no where to go. All the houses are identical. The people are frozen in different age stages." (It's should be capitalized, it the the beginning of a quote. I am not sure why there's and ending quotation mar after stages. I don't understand where the quote began.)
I scream, I don't know how to scream? (If she continues, should this be in quotation marks?)
"Damn it! This is the third one in five minutes! I should knew it, if they don't blink, (I should know? it)
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I enjoyed reading. You keep me interested with your creativity.
"it's a wonderful day!" What's so wonderful about it? I feel like a butterfly trapped in a bottle. No matter how much I am flipping my arms there is no where to go. All the houses are identical. The people are frozen in different age stages." (It's should be capitalized, it the the beginning of a quote. I am not sure why there's and ending quotation mar after stages. I don't understand where the quote began.)
I scream, I don't know how to scream? (If she continues, should this be in quotation marks?)
"Damn it! This is the third one in five minutes! I should knew it, if they don't blink, (I should know? it)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2021
Comment from Leann DS
Your story is moving right along! :-) I know she's going to find somebody eventually.
Here are some possible corrections or modifications for you to consider:
Another day in Paradise playing the ice-cream ...flipping my arms there is no where to go.
Flipping should be flapping
She is determined to find more ice-creamers followers. She gets to the first house, knocks and a young girl opens confused. The messenger smiles and say Ice Cream? The girls repeats: " I scream?
The young girl opens it, confused
Messenger smiles and says
The girl repeats
She gently closes the door! "Damn it! This is the third one in five minutes! I should knew it, if they
Should have known it
don't blink, don't even bother to ask. Yeah, in theory sounds nice, but
In theory it sounds nice
why if she misses someone because of compliances?"
What if she misses someone
I don't think "compliances" is the correct word.
I am really starting to enjoy reading these submissions. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Hugs and blessings.
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Your story is moving right along! :-) I know she's going to find somebody eventually.
Here are some possible corrections or modifications for you to consider:
Another day in Paradise playing the ice-cream ...flipping my arms there is no where to go.
Flipping should be flapping
She is determined to find more ice-creamers followers. She gets to the first house, knocks and a young girl opens confused. The messenger smiles and say Ice Cream? The girls repeats: " I scream?
The young girl opens it, confused
Messenger smiles and says
The girl repeats
She gently closes the door! "Damn it! This is the third one in five minutes! I should knew it, if they
Should have known it
don't blink, don't even bother to ask. Yeah, in theory sounds nice, but
In theory it sounds nice
why if she misses someone because of compliances?"
What if she misses someone
I don't think "compliances" is the correct word.
I am really starting to enjoy reading these submissions. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Hugs and blessings.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2021
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
More ice cream!!!
I should HAVE KNOWN, if they don't blink, don't even bother to ask. Yeah, in theory IT sounds nice, but WHAT if she misses someone
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More ice cream!!!
I should HAVE KNOWN, if they don't blink, don't even bother to ask. Yeah, in theory IT sounds nice, but WHAT if she misses someone
Comment Written 08-Mar-2021
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I found this piece of sci-fi short and funny. It's your trick of word play and it makes sense. People are so boring in the future and they don't even get excited by ice cream anymore or they don't understand it. Has it been outlawed because it is bad for your health?
Well done.
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I found this piece of sci-fi short and funny. It's your trick of word play and it makes sense. People are so boring in the future and they don't even get excited by ice cream anymore or they don't understand it. Has it been outlawed because it is bad for your health?
Well done.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2021
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed your funny misunderstandings because of "ice cream" and "I scream." It's hard to find those who need to be saved. I'm sure our narrator will do it!
how much I am flipping (flapping)
I should knew it, (I should have known it)
but why if she misses someone (but what if)
because of compliances?" (complacency?) Not sure what you meant by "compliances."
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Enjoyed your funny misunderstandings because of "ice cream" and "I scream." It's hard to find those who need to be saved. I'm sure our narrator will do it!
how much I am flipping (flapping)
I should knew it, (I should have known it)
but why if she misses someone (but what if)
because of compliances?" (complacency?) Not sure what you meant by "compliances."
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
