Dumb-dumb
fake life9 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Certainly a surprise--not in a good way. Priceless pic--dark humor re pampered girl who's smart enough to play dumb-dumb until she gets outsmarted/outdummed!
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Certainly a surprise--not in a good way. Priceless pic--dark humor re pampered girl who's smart enough to play dumb-dumb until she gets outsmarted/outdummed!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2021
Comment from Patty Palmer
This story might be okay except I got confused as to who is the person you're talking about? Is this a real person or is it the cat pictured along with your story? I don't quite get the ending either. Maybe it's just me that I'm too thick-headed to get the story. Hopefully, it's me and others will have been able to follow the story much better than me. Regardless, good luck with the contest.
Patty
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This story might be okay except I got confused as to who is the person you're talking about? Is this a real person or is it the cat pictured along with your story? I don't quite get the ending either. Maybe it's just me that I'm too thick-headed to get the story. Hopefully, it's me and others will have been able to follow the story much better than me. Regardless, good luck with the contest.
Patty
Comment Written 03-Mar-2021
Comment from Wendy G
What an ending! Total surprise. Your story is imaginative and clever. You have written it well, building up successfully to the climax. Sending good wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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What an ending! Total surprise. Your story is imaginative and clever. You have written it well, building up successfully to the climax. Sending good wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for your uplifting review, Ms. Wendy:)
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Well, I guess it takes one to know one, right, Mystery Author? I enjoyed reading and reviewing your contest entry. You did a good job setting up the surprise ending. Your lines read well with great details. Best wishes.
my extra-curriculum--->curricula
Respectfully, Jan
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Well, I guess it takes one to know one, right, Mystery Author? I enjoyed reading and reviewing your contest entry. You did a good job setting up the surprise ending. Your lines read well with great details. Best wishes.
my extra-curriculum--->curricula
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, well that certainly was a surprise ending. There was no way I could have saw that coming. Very good, I think the contest wanted something like that. We were hearing her last or dying thoughts as her life flashed before her eyes.
Good idea.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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Hmm, well that certainly was a surprise ending. There was no way I could have saw that coming. Very good, I think the contest wanted something like that. We were hearing her last or dying thoughts as her life flashed before her eyes.
Good idea.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for your uplifting review, Mr. Lancellot:)
Comment from LisaMay
Your story becomes a social satire on fake lives that rely on artificiality, manipulation, and blaming others. Things come too easily to them, without hard work. There are plenty of these fake people in modern society, so full of ME, with empty souls. You have depicted this particular "dumb dumb" with biting, yet tragic, accuracy.
I wear a tone (ton) of make-up
I am not sure if they hire (hired) me because of my dancing skills
flutter my eyelashes (add comma here) faking innocence
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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Your story becomes a social satire on fake lives that rely on artificiality, manipulation, and blaming others. Things come too easily to them, without hard work. There are plenty of these fake people in modern society, so full of ME, with empty souls. You have depicted this particular "dumb dumb" with biting, yet tragic, accuracy.
I wear a tone (ton) of make-up
I am not sure if they hire (hired) me because of my dancing skills
flutter my eyelashes (add comma here) faking innocence
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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Hi Lisa:) thank you so much for stopping by and reading my silly story, and for your wonderful surprise.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I don't know, maybe the boyfriend picked a pretty good name for this girl. Her mom definitely should be beaten. Raising a girl who is just afraid to be herself. Really sad.
I appreciated the work you put into this story but was left with a lot of questions and some editing notes. Feel free to use what you like (if anything) and toss the rest:
1.) I(*ve) never worked a day in my life
2.) I'm not blonde, and I don't have big blue eyes; I have brown hair and pathetic small brown eyes!
--> is your hair dyed or do you wear a wig? Are you wearing blue contacts? And your boyfriend doesn't know about ANY of this? Including the huge amounts of makeup?
3.) That's why I wear a (ton) of makeup
4.) I am a Zumba instructor. That was the only job I could do as a Pro. (VS) I never worked a day in my life
--> those completely conflict/disagree
5.) I am not sure if they hire(d) me because of my dancing skills
6.) When things get worse,
--> what does this mean? Worse how? I think you just mean when you are not getting your way or what you want, maybe?
7.) Today I got played.
--> how were you *played*? Which implies a prank especially directed at you. A mugging seems entirely random
8.) I found somebody who was *dumber* than me,
--> why do you say this? Does intelligence have anything to do with the mugger and their motivation, you think? If it is for drug money, for example, that person might have an amazing IQ, but is not making good decisions because of a need for drugs
9.) Now I am (lying) in this dump grave,
--> do you mean *dumb*?
--> the correct word would be lying but since she is kinda talking informally you could probably get away with either one
Side note:
I am on my phone. If I try to use any apostrophes the editor here on FS will turn them into a bunch of weird symbols- that is why I have exchanged them for asterisks. Hope that makes sense.
And I hope you will find something useful here. I think you have the basis for a cool story and just need to get a few little bugs worked out. BUT that is just one opinion. You are welcome to hate it and ignore it. Have a great week. Thank you!
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I don't know, maybe the boyfriend picked a pretty good name for this girl. Her mom definitely should be beaten. Raising a girl who is just afraid to be herself. Really sad.
I appreciated the work you put into this story but was left with a lot of questions and some editing notes. Feel free to use what you like (if anything) and toss the rest:
1.) I(*ve) never worked a day in my life
2.) I'm not blonde, and I don't have big blue eyes; I have brown hair and pathetic small brown eyes!
--> is your hair dyed or do you wear a wig? Are you wearing blue contacts? And your boyfriend doesn't know about ANY of this? Including the huge amounts of makeup?
3.) That's why I wear a (ton) of makeup
4.) I am a Zumba instructor. That was the only job I could do as a Pro. (VS) I never worked a day in my life
--> those completely conflict/disagree
5.) I am not sure if they hire(d) me because of my dancing skills
6.) When things get worse,
--> what does this mean? Worse how? I think you just mean when you are not getting your way or what you want, maybe?
7.) Today I got played.
--> how were you *played*? Which implies a prank especially directed at you. A mugging seems entirely random
8.) I found somebody who was *dumber* than me,
--> why do you say this? Does intelligence have anything to do with the mugger and their motivation, you think? If it is for drug money, for example, that person might have an amazing IQ, but is not making good decisions because of a need for drugs
9.) Now I am (lying) in this dump grave,
--> do you mean *dumb*?
--> the correct word would be lying but since she is kinda talking informally you could probably get away with either one
Side note:
I am on my phone. If I try to use any apostrophes the editor here on FS will turn them into a bunch of weird symbols- that is why I have exchanged them for asterisks. Hope that makes sense.
And I hope you will find something useful here. I think you have the basis for a cool story and just need to get a few little bugs worked out. BUT that is just one opinion. You are welcome to hate it and ignore it. Have a great week. Thank you!
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much Robyn for your honesty and your suggestions:)
Comment from L. Kalere
Cute little story, and quite creative. I like the line..."it is never my fault."
The image is hilarious and I really thought it was about cats at first. Best of luck in the contest.
Linda
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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Cute little story, and quite creative. I like the line..."it is never my fault."
The image is hilarious and I really thought it was about cats at first. Best of luck in the contest.
Linda
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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Thank you:)
Comment from PENofFIRE
You have a real way with words The story is mine except the ending and the gym part, but your description of the dumb-dumb was me. This piece flowed so well I wanted more of the story. Loved the ending. The story itself was a sad one but the subtle humor you injected into it made for an unbelievably fun read.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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You have a real way with words The story is mine except the ending and the gym part, but your description of the dumb-dumb was me. This piece flowed so well I wanted more of the story. Loved the ending. The story itself was a sad one but the subtle humor you injected into it made for an unbelievably fun read.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this encouraging review.
