Comment from Goodadvicechan

Excellent

I was glad to know Jane has reconnected with Little Deer and Standing Bear. The three of you could escape the Arapaho Party and safely escaped from them.

The adventure was dangerous. A good story!

Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2021

Comment from Goodadvicechan

Excellent

I was glad to know Jane has reconnected with Little Deer and Standing Bear. The three of you could escape the Arapaho Party and safely escaped from them.

The adventure was dangerous. A good story!

Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2021

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021

Thanks for the thumbs up. Esp. good to hear from someone with a fresh set of eyes on the story. Stan

Comment from MissMerri

Exceptional

You always manage to write such clear and vivid scenes. Your readers can see what you are seeing and feel the emotions of the characters. It is always fun and never a moment of boredom when reading one of your stories. It seems like every word is vital to moving the story forward, and you end every chapter on a moment of delicious suspense, so of course we can't wait for the next episode.

I saw a couple of little things I think an editor might want you to change, so I've listed them below. Hope you agree.

***Hunger scrapped (scraped?) my insides like a carving knife.
***I danced around the spent fire, rubbing myself, (for the sake of visualization, I think you should be more specific here. Rubbing my arms, perhaps?)
***The drumming of my heart inside my head could be heard. (I could hear the drumming of my heart inside my head.)
*** we climbed down over rocks where some lose (loose) stones gave way

Other than a few wayward letters, this was written flawlessly. I think it is definitely six-worthy.

MM

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2021

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021

Thanks again, Miss Merri.

Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

And suddenly the silence reinstall itself in wave of relief:"I collapsed on the soft grass near the slick silver stream where I could drink from the splash of water. We all breathed a sigh.

Little Deer and Standing Bear knelt and collected water into a skin of pouches to sling over their shoulders. We sat on round rocks and shared the last bites of jerky. But our eyes kept trained along the trails edge. Then they looked past me. I turned to see members of what looked like the Brule tribe rounding the bend in the river on horses. Our surprise cut both ways into razor focus.

I froze, couldn't breathe, and waited for an arrow to pierce my heart. Thoughts of my son without his mother struck a bolt of fear in me. The hiss of arrows filled a frail blue sky." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2021

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021

Thanks so much for the parts you culled through and how it impacted the story.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Very descriptive first person. You have your character paint the scene in a way for the reader to be able to visualize themselves into the story. Nice way to end the chapter too.

Well done.

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 Comment Written 20-Feb-2021

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reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021

Thanks, my friend. Coming from a writer of your caliber makes me like the review even more.

Comment from Rdfrdmom2

Excellent

forestport:

Man, you do have a knack for knowing exactly where to leave your readers hanging - anxiously looking for the next paragraph that's just not there yet. Another great chapter. Rdfrdmom2

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2021

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reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021

Thanks, and I appreciate reading about your interesting stories when you attempted to make math interesting.