Pappa's Memories and Ramblings
Viewing comments for Chapter 110 "Political Colors"Poems, Rants, Short Stories and Ramblings
12 total reviews
Comment from Jimmy Hogg
Okay, didn't realize what the writing props was when I read it, and found it a bit difficult, but having seen what it was I understand what a challenge this was. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Okay, didn't realize what the writing props was when I read it, and found it a bit difficult, but having seen what it was I understand what a challenge this was. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thank you for Reading, Rating and Reviewing this poem offering.
Comment from T.E. Loper
I've enjoyed reading the different perspectives in this "politically nice" contest. You've done a good job here in keeping to the rules. The tone of the poem suggests you found it challenging, so good job in toning down your political leanings.
These are very long lines! I think closer attention to meter would help to avoid the feeling that this is a work of prose. When read aloud, the work sounds like a factual article. The rhymes help, but many of them seem forced, as if you realized you were coming to the end of a line and needed to come up with a quick rhyme. I do wonder about the random capitalization throughout this piece as well. Was there a reason for this? At first I thought you may be trying to emphasize a word, but it seems more random than that. I also really missed hearing more about the colors of the parties, as your title mentions. Not many people know how recent a phenomenon color association is to our two parties.
As far as grammar, this is the line that (in my mind) needs the most work:
"Today's rival's of those Demo-Republicans might have tried voting them out on to a shelve?"
rival's -=- rivals;
Demo-Republicans -=- Democratic-Republicans;
out on to -=- awkward phrasing; perhaps try deleting "on" or using "onto";
shelve -=- shelf, (to shelve is a verb) although that affects the rhyme just a little;
? -=- the sentence doesn't read as a question on first reading, which is distracting.
There seem to be a great many grammatical errors throughout: missing, added, or incorrect punctuation, unnecessary capitalization, and awkward word choices, as in:
"Bristling with Selfish Power it's Want's over the Common Good's Needs with our divergent National Desires Sold to the Highest Bidder Whistling?"
Selfish Power it's Want's -=- selfish power, putting its wants;
Common Good's Needs with -=- Common Good's needs, with; difficult to read aloud;
Highest Bidder Whistling? -=- highest bidder whistling.; whistling really doesn't work here, and, again, the sentence isn't working as a question.
The very best thing about your piece is the wreathed rhymes in the final stanza. This is a clever device, suggesting a weaving together of the two parties to achieve better cooperation. I think the idea of the piece is good, and could be made much clearer and stronger with editing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I've enjoyed reading the different perspectives in this "politically nice" contest. You've done a good job here in keeping to the rules. The tone of the poem suggests you found it challenging, so good job in toning down your political leanings.
These are very long lines! I think closer attention to meter would help to avoid the feeling that this is a work of prose. When read aloud, the work sounds like a factual article. The rhymes help, but many of them seem forced, as if you realized you were coming to the end of a line and needed to come up with a quick rhyme. I do wonder about the random capitalization throughout this piece as well. Was there a reason for this? At first I thought you may be trying to emphasize a word, but it seems more random than that. I also really missed hearing more about the colors of the parties, as your title mentions. Not many people know how recent a phenomenon color association is to our two parties.
As far as grammar, this is the line that (in my mind) needs the most work:
"Today's rival's of those Demo-Republicans might have tried voting them out on to a shelve?"
rival's -=- rivals;
Demo-Republicans -=- Democratic-Republicans;
out on to -=- awkward phrasing; perhaps try deleting "on" or using "onto";
shelve -=- shelf, (to shelve is a verb) although that affects the rhyme just a little;
? -=- the sentence doesn't read as a question on first reading, which is distracting.
There seem to be a great many grammatical errors throughout: missing, added, or incorrect punctuation, unnecessary capitalization, and awkward word choices, as in:
"Bristling with Selfish Power it's Want's over the Common Good's Needs with our divergent National Desires Sold to the Highest Bidder Whistling?"
Selfish Power it's Want's -=- selfish power, putting its wants;
Common Good's Needs with -=- Common Good's needs, with; difficult to read aloud;
Highest Bidder Whistling? -=- highest bidder whistling.; whistling really doesn't work here, and, again, the sentence isn't working as a question.
The very best thing about your piece is the wreathed rhymes in the final stanza. This is a clever device, suggesting a weaving together of the two parties to achieve better cooperation. I think the idea of the piece is good, and could be made much clearer and stronger with editing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your Time to Read Rate and Review this poem offering.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Very nice walk in America presidency with the good the bad and the ugly. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest. You got my vote.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Very nice walk in America presidency with the good the bad and the ugly. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest. You got my vote.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Greatly Appreciated, Bless you for your Time to Read, Rate and Reviewing this poem offering.
Comment from equestrik
This is a very enjoyable read as well as a bit of a history lesson. i enjoyed it. your visuals were well chosen and your author's notes were informative as well. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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This is a very enjoyable read as well as a bit of a history lesson. i enjoyed it. your visuals were well chosen and your author's notes were informative as well. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your Support, Time to Read, Rate and Review this poem offering. Blessings.
Comment from Miss Cookie Atkinson
I like the photo you choose to go with your poem, they are only a perfect match and their colors are beautiful
Thank you for the history lesson
you captured my attention from the first line to the last
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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I like the photo you choose to go with your poem, they are only a perfect match and their colors are beautiful
Thank you for the history lesson
you captured my attention from the first line to the last
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your Continued Support and the Time to Read, Rate, and Review this poem. Blessings.
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Your welcome
take care
Cookie
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Shouldn't They Be Black and Blue?
Political Colors
Hello,
A very informative poem entry for the Nice U.S. Political Poem writing prompt contest. You explained the Evolution of the Democratic Party from beginning giving us a good background story and the intention of Congressional majority that lasts four years. The author notes are too long. Most people won't read it. I would summarize.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Shouldn't They Be Black and Blue?
Political Colors
Hello,
A very informative poem entry for the Nice U.S. Political Poem writing prompt contest. You explained the Evolution of the Democratic Party from beginning giving us a good background story and the intention of Congressional majority that lasts four years. The author notes are too long. Most people won't read it. I would summarize.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you for Reading, Rating and Reviewing this poem offering. Sorry about the Long Notes.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
American politics is so messed up that I think the colors the least of our worries. We are all about what side we're on, how our side is right, and not as coming together to help one another. It's insane. You did a great job with this :)
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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American politics is so messed up that I think the colors the least of our worries. We are all about what side we're on, how our side is right, and not as coming together to help one another. It's insane. You did a great job with this :)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you for Reading, Rating and Reviewing this poem offering. Blessings to you.
Comment from Jean Lutz1
Got six stars which I now sling for freedom. Artwork and words work together with facts not fake news. As far as I can determine it meets all site guidelines. I wish you well with the entry and hope to read more of your ink outpourings.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Got six stars which I now sling for freedom. Artwork and words work together with facts not fake news. As far as I can determine it meets all site guidelines. I wish you well with the entry and hope to read more of your ink outpourings.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your Time to Read, Rate and Reviewing this poem offering. I got a bit wordy on this one. Thanks for your Support.
Comment from Earl Corp
You gave quite the history lesson in your poem, you obviously did your research. The takeaway I'm getting is that political parties aren't doing anything for the people and just squabbling among themselves. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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You gave quite the history lesson in your poem, you obviously did your research. The takeaway I'm getting is that political parties aren't doing anything for the people and just squabbling among themselves. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Mr,. Corp, Thank you for your Time to Read, Rate and Reviewing this poem. Thank you for Your Support and Encouragement.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A democracy does not exist without opposing parties and it is essential that views both sides are heard. This is the essence of allowing the people freedom to choose and the liberty to make their voice heard. We all fall on one side or the other and it depends on our upbringing and whether we prospered or not, what we believe in and knowledge of how things work for the greater good. I enjoyed your walk through America's history here and I am learning more each day about your land, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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A democracy does not exist without opposing parties and it is essential that views both sides are heard. This is the essence of allowing the people freedom to choose and the liberty to make their voice heard. We all fall on one side or the other and it depends on our upbringing and whether we prospered or not, what we believe in and knowledge of how things work for the greater good. I enjoyed your walk through America's history here and I am learning more each day about your land, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your Continued Support and Encouragement.
Much More "Hidden History" here. Blessings.
