Up, Up, and Away!
Sometimes it's the littlest things -16 total reviews
Comment from Goodadvicechan
I like the picture. The boys cute and he is not concentrating in communication. That matches with the story.
It is amazing how therapist can turn things around and pull pieces together. It is a good story to follow.
Happy writing and good luck to your contest
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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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I like the picture. The boys cute and he is not concentrating in communication. That matches with the story.
It is amazing how therapist can turn things around and pull pieces together. It is a good story to follow.
Happy writing and good luck to your contest
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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Dear reader: What would you suggest needs to be changed or fixed in the story. Four stars means good but needs adjustments. Would you might helping me out with this? Thanks!
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I suggest to add who said this. ?Hey, Scott, could you do me a favor, please??
The story of dating the little sister isn't necessary. It does not add any value to the story, but diverts rider's attention to something irrelevant. Sorry, it is just my thought.
?What? Don?t ask me to date your little sister again. Took me three days to recover from a night of skating. Who even roller skates anymore? I thought she was kidding. Boy, was I wrong!?
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The part of dating your little sisters is irrelevant to the story...
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Thank you for your suggestions.
Comment from LisaMay
You've created an authentic-sounding situation that shows how bereavement can shut down a child, and also the patience and imagination needed by therapists to break through. The emotion is there but not overdone. I also liked the repartee between Cindy and Scott.
I just noticed one tiny omission:
"Watch this, Johnny[add full stop here.]" Scott tossed his folded artwork into the air.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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You've created an authentic-sounding situation that shows how bereavement can shut down a child, and also the patience and imagination needed by therapists to break through. The emotion is there but not overdone. I also liked the repartee between Cindy and Scott.
I just noticed one tiny omission:
"Watch this, Johnny[add full stop here.]" Scott tossed his folded artwork into the air.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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Thanks for pointing out my missing period - fixed it! Appreciate your reading and commenting. Glad you enjoyed the story.
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:)
Comment from Jimmy Hogg
This is solid. A very tight story, clear premise. I like the simplicity.
If anything, I think you could be even more sparse in the prose early on. For example "His answer was a blank stare," might read better, and be more impactful as simply, "A blank stare." Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing, good luck with your writing. I enjoyed this one.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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This is solid. A very tight story, clear premise. I like the simplicity.
If anything, I think you could be even more sparse in the prose early on. For example "His answer was a blank stare," might read better, and be more impactful as simply, "A blank stare." Just a thought.
Thanks for sharing, good luck with your writing. I enjoyed this one.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your kind review. I keep forgetting whether my words are limited in the flash fiction or not - I've been writing quite a few. Your suggestion is great. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
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You're welcome. Good luck.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
It's awesome that neither of the therapists just gave up on the boy. I can't imagine how frustrating that might be for someone who has dedicated her/his life to helping 'fix' situations like this.
That's what made your story so pleasant to read. Thanks!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
It's awesome that neither of the therapists just gave up on the boy. I can't imagine how frustrating that might be for someone who has dedicated her/his life to helping 'fix' situations like this.
That's what made your story so pleasant to read. Thanks!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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Hi Robyn, I have an adult special needs child and one doctor out of many saved his life 52 years ago, by trying and accomplishing an experimental surgery. Everyone else gave up. Throughout the years we met the good and the bad. Just like every other professional, you hope you get the good ones. Today was a day to give credit to the good ones. This particular incident didn't happen to us, but I am sure somewhere it did. Thank you!
Comment from Cass Carlton
This is a well thought out piece of writing.Short and to the point, it tells the story of a traumatised child suffering deep grief after the untimely death of his father in a road accident. One of the therapists, with a flash of genius, begins to make paper planes and flies them all over the room.The child responds in a very positive way, opening the door for further therapy and ultimate healing. A feel good ending. Lots of promise for a happier future for the little boy. Well done cheers Cass
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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This is a well thought out piece of writing.Short and to the point, it tells the story of a traumatised child suffering deep grief after the untimely death of his father in a road accident. One of the therapists, with a flash of genius, begins to make paper planes and flies them all over the room.The child responds in a very positive way, opening the door for further therapy and ultimate healing. A feel good ending. Lots of promise for a happier future for the little boy. Well done cheers Cass
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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Cass, Thank you so very much for understanding and feeling the emotion entwined in my words. I have an adult child who is handicapped, but I remember the struggles we had with some "well-meaning" therapists who were not good for my son. One was outstanding. He took him to the park daily in order to gain his confidence. The psychologist learned as much as he taught. I appreciate the kind words and stars. Blessings to you!
Comment from Susan Larson
How commendable that Scott checked on Johnny's background. When I was getting my ESL certification, a student told of a little boy who had a total meltdown when the teacher started to play hangman with her class. She later learned he was forced to watch him mother being hing in his native country. I have since met a woman whose husband had the same experience . A little research can go a long way'
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reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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How commendable that Scott checked on Johnny's background. When I was getting my ESL certification, a student told of a little boy who had a total meltdown when the teacher started to play hangman with her class. She later learned he was forced to watch him mother being hing in his native country. I have since met a woman whose husband had the same experience . A little research can go a long way'
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
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I have a child who is blind in one eye. Unfortunately, most did not pay attention, and when in a circle he could not follow the instructions. Twisting his head to see - the teacher had moved on before he even knew what to do. How dreadful for the little boy with the noose. My heart breaks for these children.
