A Leap in Belief
Help may come from an unexpected source49 total reviews
Comment from Lana Marie
That was such a good story, I could feel all the intense emotions that the characters were portraying in the scene. You kept my attention throughout the whole story. I'm glad it ended well for her that she was able to see Gerald in the unseen world.
Keep writing you did a good job.
The only thing I noticed was this.... But I do know this man Gerald.(((("â??)))
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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That was such a good story, I could feel all the intense emotions that the characters were portraying in the scene. You kept my attention throughout the whole story. I'm glad it ended well for her that she was able to see Gerald in the unseen world.
Keep writing you did a good job.
The only thing I noticed was this.... But I do know this man Gerald.(((("â??)))
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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Many thanks Lana. Glad you liked it. Thanks for spotting that weird copy. It showed up when I pasted the story in.
Comment from RGstar
Excellent...excellent. I could have read another chapter. So glad I ran into this. I am a man of huge emotions, and stories like these are of some place real inside me, with the triumph of the meek, the strength of the small, and the rise of the nobody.
Thank you. This deserves its place at the top.
My best wishes.
Have a great day, and congrats on the win...deserved.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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Excellent...excellent. I could have read another chapter. So glad I ran into this. I am a man of huge emotions, and stories like these are of some place real inside me, with the triumph of the meek, the strength of the small, and the rise of the nobody.
Thank you. This deserves its place at the top.
My best wishes.
Have a great day, and congrats on the win...deserved.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
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Wow, thank you RGstar. You've made my day. I have another story like this that won an international award, it became the inspiration for this story. If you would like to read it, it's in my post. The name: Flight to Fairbanks. Thanks again, best wishes, Brad.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
You've written a beautiful story here. Congratulations, on your first prize win! I personally don't believe in ghosts, but I do think that angels, sent by God, can intervene on man's behalf; and alternatively the devil may send evil spirits to deceive people. But this story was about a friendly, benevolent ghost, with very loving motives.
The whole issue of suicide, especially in young people, is an important one today, and something which deserves more attention. Just last week, through one of my prayer groups, I heard about a young man, only 19 years old, who actually succeeded in his attempt; moreover, he was a twin. Psychologists tell us that these tragedies may run in families, which especially puts his twin brother at risk. So very sad! But I love a story with a happy ending, like yours.
I think this pandemic, with all its isolation, weirdness and interruptions in people's lives (plus all the losses and the grief) is generating a lot of depression and suicide risk. We need to be especially sensitive to other people.
"Away from what? tell me."
-->
"Away from what? Tell me."
Make you want to hide, even to die." You believe this, don't you?"
-->
Make you want to hide, even to die. You believe this, don't you?"
"Yes. Yes. She cried out, "I can't take it."
-->
"Yes. Yes!" She cried out, "I can't take it."
"Mindy, You have a life, believe in that.
-->
"Mindy, you have a life, believe in that.
Give yourself that chance." He didn't. Don't be like him."
-->
Give yourself that chance. He didn't. Don't be like him."
"By believing in yourself, Ignore others' ignorance, stop them from denying your right to be.
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"By believing in yourself, ignoring others' ignorance, stopping them from denying your right to be.
"I'm Nancy with victims' services," she told the sobbing girl. " Do you have any ID?"
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"I'm Nancy with Victims' Services," she told the sobbing girl. "Do you have any ID?"
"We'll take you home now, Mindy, Ok?"
-->
"We'll take you home now, Mindy, okay?"
He talked to me," Her voice insistent.
-->
He talked to me," Mindy insisted.
"Nancy looked to the police officer.
-->
Nancy looked to the police officer.
"I'm sorry, Nancy, but I couldn't tell you before, but I do know this man Gerald."
-->
"I'm sorry, Nancy, that I couldn't tell you before, but I do know this man Gerald."
"My God, Jim. Could the father have been there today, met Mindy ...
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"My God, Jim. Could the father have been there today, and met Mindy ...
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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You've written a beautiful story here. Congratulations, on your first prize win! I personally don't believe in ghosts, but I do think that angels, sent by God, can intervene on man's behalf; and alternatively the devil may send evil spirits to deceive people. But this story was about a friendly, benevolent ghost, with very loving motives.
The whole issue of suicide, especially in young people, is an important one today, and something which deserves more attention. Just last week, through one of my prayer groups, I heard about a young man, only 19 years old, who actually succeeded in his attempt; moreover, he was a twin. Psychologists tell us that these tragedies may run in families, which especially puts his twin brother at risk. So very sad! But I love a story with a happy ending, like yours.
I think this pandemic, with all its isolation, weirdness and interruptions in people's lives (plus all the losses and the grief) is generating a lot of depression and suicide risk. We need to be especially sensitive to other people.
"Away from what? tell me."
-->
"Away from what? Tell me."
Make you want to hide, even to die." You believe this, don't you?"
-->
Make you want to hide, even to die. You believe this, don't you?"
"Yes. Yes. She cried out, "I can't take it."
-->
"Yes. Yes!" She cried out, "I can't take it."
"Mindy, You have a life, believe in that.
-->
"Mindy, you have a life, believe in that.
Give yourself that chance." He didn't. Don't be like him."
-->
Give yourself that chance. He didn't. Don't be like him."
"By believing in yourself, Ignore others' ignorance, stop them from denying your right to be.
-->
"By believing in yourself, ignoring others' ignorance, stopping them from denying your right to be.
"I'm Nancy with victims' services," she told the sobbing girl. " Do you have any ID?"
-->
"I'm Nancy with Victims' Services," she told the sobbing girl. "Do you have any ID?"
"We'll take you home now, Mindy, Ok?"
-->
"We'll take you home now, Mindy, okay?"
He talked to me," Her voice insistent.
-->
He talked to me," Mindy insisted.
"Nancy looked to the police officer.
-->
Nancy looked to the police officer.
"I'm sorry, Nancy, but I couldn't tell you before, but I do know this man Gerald."
-->
"I'm sorry, Nancy, that I couldn't tell you before, but I do know this man Gerald."
"My God, Jim. Could the father have been there today, met Mindy ...
-->
"My God, Jim. Could the father have been there today, and met Mindy ...
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thanks, Mary. I guess I want to believe that some past lives may experience such a powerful tragedy, they leave a strong force behind to stop a similar event from repeating.
I have another ghost story in my portfolio called 'Flight to Fairbanks.' That won last year's ghost story.
Dang, I checked that story 3 times and still missed all those typo's.
Thanks again.
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You're very welcome, Brad. Yes, that really is something incredible to imagine! Such stories can be quite compelling. Blessings to you,
Mary Kay
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This is a good ghost story. It is also good for a ghost trying to save a life although it is a sad story for a girl trying to commit suicide.
The story has a good twist. I enjoy it.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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This is a good ghost story. It is also good for a ghost trying to save a life although it is a sad story for a girl trying to commit suicide.
The story has a good twist. I enjoy it.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
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Thank you, glad you liked it.
Comment from R. S. Leergaard
I like the message in his one.. Neve give up, never surrender, don't let otherss dictate the path of your life, suicide isn't the answer, and..and .. .... and a few others
Well Done!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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I like the message in his one.. Neve give up, never surrender, don't let otherss dictate the path of your life, suicide isn't the answer, and..and .. .... and a few others
Well Done!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
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Many thanks.
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a very beautifully written story. This is aVery inspirational poem. Very interesting from beginning to end. It's amazing Gerald came back to save Mindy from jumping off the ledge. I know it's fiction I believe these things happen. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
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This is a very beautifully written story. This is aVery inspirational poem. Very interesting from beginning to end. It's amazing Gerald came back to save Mindy from jumping off the ledge. I know it's fiction I believe these things happen. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2021
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I like to think these stories have truth. Thanks for your kind review.
Comment from Susan Newell
Let's assume that I don't recognize your style, Dear Anonymous. Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. This is a great twist on a ghost story. I have only two things to mention. I think whipped rather than whipping is called for with regards to her sweater. Third para from bottom, second line -- missing apostrophe "young girl's counseling." Bravo, hooray, kudos.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Let's assume that I don't recognize your style, Dear Anonymous. Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. This is a great twist on a ghost story. I have only two things to mention. I think whipped rather than whipping is called for with regards to her sweater. Third para from bottom, second line -- missing apostrophe "young girl's counseling." Bravo, hooray, kudos.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Susan. Yes, I have an affinity for ghost stories. :>)
Took a look at whipping, and the typo. Much appreciated.
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Even ghosts from childhood, I'd imagine.
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You never know where they're going to pop up.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Compelling--stunning twist--dialog is gripping--I sense her despair and his trying whatever he can to talk her oout of it. Magnificent piece--thought-provoking ending!
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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Compelling--stunning twist--dialog is gripping--I sense her despair and his trying whatever he can to talk her oout of it. Magnificent piece--thought-provoking ending!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Thanks, Elizabeth. Much appreciated.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This was a nice, fun story about a young, distraught girl who gets her life back on track (or headed there) with the gentle nudging of a kind ghost. What could be better than that?
It is the kind of tale folks love to read and the unexpected twist of making the ghost a one-off by having him be the dad was a good touch. Kudos!
Though your storytelling skills are quite nice, some of the crafting skills need toning. Especially regarding dialogue and how to punctuate it. I get that, though. It can seem a pain. I have a website I can give you. It is my favorite. I keep it bookmarked in my browser for easy referral AND to pass it onto to others easily-like this. The problem is- I am on my phone. If you are interested, PM me and request the dialogue website and I will pop it right back over.
Other notes
1.) Help may come from unexpected (sources)
--> in your description
2.) "Young lady, don't do this(,)" (t)he older man pleaded.
3.) The teenage girl was perched dangerously close (to) the sheer edge
4.) "Listen to me,(") he pleaded again.
5.) "The abuse, the teasing, the torment(.)" Her face
6.) Why should I stay here and be what they say I am(?)"
7.) you told anyone, your mom and (d)ad
8.) My name is Gerald, what's yours(?)"
9.) "How, what do you (know) about me?"
10.) "Yes. Yes(!" s)he cried out(. ") I can't take it."
11.) know of a Gerald and a suicide?" (s)he asked the police officer.
12.) "Gerald?" (t)he officer answered.
13.) "Holy crap,(") Jim came back. "Nancy, remember that suicide about three years ago(? A) teenage boy
14.) "Okay, it's okay, honey(.)"Nancy held the girl. (")I'm sure he had to leave. We just didn't notice him."
15.) That's right(," t)he police officer added. (")We were interested
16.) "Yes, that what it was, Jim. (A) strange coincidence."
Hope this helps! Thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
This was a nice, fun story about a young, distraught girl who gets her life back on track (or headed there) with the gentle nudging of a kind ghost. What could be better than that?
It is the kind of tale folks love to read and the unexpected twist of making the ghost a one-off by having him be the dad was a good touch. Kudos!
Though your storytelling skills are quite nice, some of the crafting skills need toning. Especially regarding dialogue and how to punctuate it. I get that, though. It can seem a pain. I have a website I can give you. It is my favorite. I keep it bookmarked in my browser for easy referral AND to pass it onto to others easily-like this. The problem is- I am on my phone. If you are interested, PM me and request the dialogue website and I will pop it right back over.
Other notes
1.) Help may come from unexpected (sources)
--> in your description
2.) "Young lady, don't do this(,)" (t)he older man pleaded.
3.) The teenage girl was perched dangerously close (to) the sheer edge
4.) "Listen to me,(") he pleaded again.
5.) "The abuse, the teasing, the torment(.)" Her face
6.) Why should I stay here and be what they say I am(?)"
7.) you told anyone, your mom and (d)ad
8.) My name is Gerald, what's yours(?)"
9.) "How, what do you (know) about me?"
10.) "Yes. Yes(!" s)he cried out(. ") I can't take it."
11.) know of a Gerald and a suicide?" (s)he asked the police officer.
12.) "Gerald?" (t)he officer answered.
13.) "Holy crap,(") Jim came back. "Nancy, remember that suicide about three years ago(? A) teenage boy
14.) "Okay, it's okay, honey(.)"Nancy held the girl. (")I'm sure he had to leave. We just didn't notice him."
15.) That's right(," t)he police officer added. (")We were interested
16.) "Yes, that what it was, Jim. (A) strange coincidence."
Hope this helps! Thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Wow, thank you Robyn. What had happened was I was up against the deadline of midnight to get it in. Then I got up this morning, and only to find out they extended the dead line 3 days?
Fixed the all typos and edited the story a bit?more compelling. Thanks again. You rock!
