A Leap in Belief
Help may come from an unexpected source49 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with this story. I enjoyed reading it though it's poignant. I peeked at a couple of the latest reviews, and they mentioned what I would day. So, I'll not belabor the point. I do agree with them. Quotation marks can be tricky to get right. However, most of yours were correct. The image is perfect. Best wishes for further awards with this story.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
  |
You did a great job with this story. I enjoyed reading it though it's poignant. I peeked at a couple of the latest reviews, and they mentioned what I would day. So, I'll not belabor the point. I do agree with them. Quotation marks can be tricky to get right. However, most of yours were correct. The image is perfect. Best wishes for further awards with this story.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Jan, much appreciated.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
After reading this story, I can see why it's a contest winner. It's and excellent story. Please word on correct punctuation of dialogue.
"Hold on tight!" The man pleaded. Please don't let go." (TRY: "Hold on tight!" the man pleaded, "Please don't let go."
"You believe nobody cares how you feel. They laugh at you, want to hurt you? Make you want to hide, even to die!" You believe this, don't you?" (you need to omit the quotation mark after 'die!')
"Yes. Yes! She cried out, "I can't live with this pain anymore." Tears gleamed down her face in the bright sun. (TRY: "Yes. Yes!" she cried out, "I can't live with this pain anymore."
"You should go home with these people now," Nancy told her, but don't you worry, we'll find Gerald and tell him you got home safely." (Missing beginning quotation in front of 'but')
"Um, 'how bout we drive down to the café in town?" He said. "I know it's too early for lunch, but I need a break. This whole incident's bothering me." (the 'h' on 'he' needs to be lower case.)
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
|
After reading this story, I can see why it's a contest winner. It's and excellent story. Please word on correct punctuation of dialogue.
"Hold on tight!" The man pleaded. Please don't let go." (TRY: "Hold on tight!" the man pleaded, "Please don't let go."
"You believe nobody cares how you feel. They laugh at you, want to hurt you? Make you want to hide, even to die!" You believe this, don't you?" (you need to omit the quotation mark after 'die!')
"Yes. Yes! She cried out, "I can't live with this pain anymore." Tears gleamed down her face in the bright sun. (TRY: "Yes. Yes!" she cried out, "I can't live with this pain anymore."
"You should go home with these people now," Nancy told her, but don't you worry, we'll find Gerald and tell him you got home safely." (Missing beginning quotation in front of 'but')
"Um, 'how bout we drive down to the café in town?" He said. "I know it's too early for lunch, but I need a break. This whole incident's bothering me." (the 'h' on 'he' needs to be lower case.)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Barbara, much appreciated. I've read this a dozen times but still missed those quotes.
Comment from Shirley McLain
If I had a six I would give it to you. I loved reading your story about this young girl and suicide. It brought all the emotion and tension I'm sure you intended. I did not find any errors. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
|
If I had a six I would give it to you. I loved reading your story about this young girl and suicide. It brought all the emotion and tension I'm sure you intended. I did not find any errors. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
-
Thank you, Shirley. Much appreciated.
Comment from Wendy G
Impressive story! You wrote it with realism, authentic dialogue, a huge degree of emotional connection, and an important theme was presented. Your ending was particularly amazing, and very effective. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
 |
Impressive story! You wrote it with realism, authentic dialogue, a huge degree of emotional connection, and an important theme was presented. Your ending was particularly amazing, and very effective. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
-
Wow. Thank you for the stars, Wendy. So glad you liked it.
Comment from bob cullen
A really superb write. It had tension, reality and fragility. And most of all it had credibility. As a critic, I found myself too engrossed in the story to find fault. I wish you well in the contest
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
|
A really superb write. It had tension, reality and fragility. And most of all it had credibility. As a critic, I found myself too engrossed in the story to find fault. I wish you well in the contest
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
-
Thank you very much, Bob! You've made my day.
Comment from prettybluebirds
This story is superb, no wonder it won the contest. I would certainly have voted for it. The dialogue is beautiful and the whole story is so very emotional and touching. I commend you for such a marvelous story.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
|
This story is superb, no wonder it won the contest. I would certainly have voted for it. The dialogue is beautiful and the whole story is so very emotional and touching. I commend you for such a marvelous story.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
-
So glad you liked it. A review like this is all any writer could ask for. Thank You!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Apparently, I read this before, but I don't know if I sent it. I would not give away the ghost. Just say the man. Drop the Why are you here? part. She knows he's there to ruin her plan. She's more likely to say "I want to be free from my miserable life!" Don't use "scorn" They don't think I'm good enough, they make fun of me, whisper about me." She probably isn't going to say a lot. She is going to say her parents don't know and don't care. Nobody cares. She won't give much more than that until she says she doesn't care either, the world would be better off without her. He will say pretty much what he said. "If Joey couldn't step back, why should she? she will probably use. But the words she would say are simple, they are often an exclamation. Been there done this with one of my kids. He really did not tell me exactly what was happening to him. Even the teachers were giving him a hard time. We put him in another school for 8th grade and he wanted to go back to his old school for his Junior and senior year. The kids there then sought to become his friend. This is a really good story.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
|
Apparently, I read this before, but I don't know if I sent it. I would not give away the ghost. Just say the man. Drop the Why are you here? part. She knows he's there to ruin her plan. She's more likely to say "I want to be free from my miserable life!" Don't use "scorn" They don't think I'm good enough, they make fun of me, whisper about me." She probably isn't going to say a lot. She is going to say her parents don't know and don't care. Nobody cares. She won't give much more than that until she says she doesn't care either, the world would be better off without her. He will say pretty much what he said. "If Joey couldn't step back, why should she? she will probably use. But the words she would say are simple, they are often an exclamation. Been there done this with one of my kids. He really did not tell me exactly what was happening to him. Even the teachers were giving him a hard time. We put him in another school for 8th grade and he wanted to go back to his old school for his Junior and senior year. The kids there then sought to become his friend. This is a really good story.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
-
Thank you Carol. I'll go back and look at that.
Comment from Tpa
I wish more stars could be given. You wrote the story with such eloquence. It had a beautiful climax. I liked the themes of your story, bullying and suicide. The entire composition was marvelously done.
y
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
|
I wish more stars could be given. You wrote the story with such eloquence. It had a beautiful climax. I liked the themes of your story, bullying and suicide. The entire composition was marvelously done.
y
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
-
Thank you for the stars Tpa. So happy you liked it.
Comment from Cecil Beckett
Well told story about a ghost with a heart trying to stop a young girl from making the same mistake. It is a simple story and it works well. Well done and congratulations on your win.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
|
Well told story about a ghost with a heart trying to stop a young girl from making the same mistake. It is a simple story and it works well. Well done and congratulations on your win.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Cecil, much appreciated.
Comment from royowen
What a wonderful story, I wonder if they'll tell Mindy, there are so many deaths from suicide, particularly among young men. My best friend committed suicide when I was 18, he was 19, with his whole life in front of him, he died for a very silly reason, but I still think of him today. Beautifully written, and excellent post, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
|
What a wonderful story, I wonder if they'll tell Mindy, there are so many deaths from suicide, particularly among young men. My best friend committed suicide when I was 18, he was 19, with his whole life in front of him, he died for a very silly reason, but I still think of him today. Beautifully written, and excellent post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2021
-
Thank you royowen. Yes, I had a friend in my younger days too. So meaningless.
-
Well done,
