Where Are All The Children
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Great Disguise "A vigilante takes down trafficing rings.
14 total reviews
Comment from Sugarray77
Very good writing, Misty. The story flows seamlessly and draws the reader in and keeps him there with the questions and italicized thoughts. I am really enjoying reading your work. You are sooo good!! :)
Melissa
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Very good writing, Misty. The story flows seamlessly and draws the reader in and keeps him there with the questions and italicized thoughts. I am really enjoying reading your work. You are sooo good!! :)
Melissa
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you for reading my chapter and for such encouraging praise. I'm thrilled that you like this story. I have high expectations for it, hoping it'll raise awareness, save a life.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping! Masterful narration, brisk pace, dialog and characters ring true.
Note on backstory would be useful for context.
Sugg in [brackets]:
She looks over to [VIEW THE PHOTO OF] two distinguished gentlemen engrossed in a conversation, a mix of anger and fear is plastered across their forty-ish faces.
His partner is casually dressed in a striped button-up shirt and toffee slacks. His salt and pepper hair is a military styled crew-cut.
[LINE BREAK, space]
Toni shakes her head. You never know who's doing what to whom these days. "Thank you for keeping an eye on them."
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Gripping! Masterful narration, brisk pace, dialog and characters ring true.
Note on backstory would be useful for context.
Sugg in [brackets]:
She looks over to [VIEW THE PHOTO OF] two distinguished gentlemen engrossed in a conversation, a mix of anger and fear is plastered across their forty-ish faces.
His partner is casually dressed in a striped button-up shirt and toffee slacks. His salt and pepper hair is a military styled crew-cut.
[LINE BREAK, space]
Toni shakes her head. You never know who's doing what to whom these days. "Thank you for keeping an eye on them."
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for your helpful suggestions.
I've added According to their recorded conversation, they were planning on leaving town soon at the end of the first paragraph.
The paragraph beginning with Toni shakes her head, I added Thanks to the vigilante's assistance, she and her crew now realize that traffickers come from all walks of life. and then,This will be fifteen the vigilante has helped us get off the street, she thinks
On the second part, I added Mark recalls what the vigilante said. A puzzled look crosses the detective's face. How would the vigilante know Mark took his life if she wasn't here?
Further down I said There's nothing to figure out; he felt remorseful for trafficking girls and took his life."
Near the end, I added, "The guy scaped on a technicality the same way Mark did." I do hope that helps.
Thank you again for all your help, and support, It always means a lot to me, take care.
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I still advise that you to implement my suggestion for clarity:
She looks over to [VIEW THE PHOTO OF] two distinguished gentlemen
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They are at a table not in a photo. I've read and reread it and I'm still not sure how you came to that conclusion. I'd fix it if I knew.
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Sorry--DUH!--when I read it the first couple of times, I was confused by the scene then finally (thought!) I figured it out that she must be looking at a photo of the men. Now that I know that's not the case, I'll take another look.
Comment from royowen
They find a body with the back of its head blown off, and a note presumably saying he regrets what he did, so he's taken his life, they can't work out why, so they don't know if it's the vigilante's doing or not, perhaps she convinced him to. Beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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They find a body with the back of its head blown off, and a note presumably saying he regrets what he did, so he's taken his life, they can't work out why, so they don't know if it's the vigilante's doing or not, perhaps she convinced him to. Beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for such a warm review. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. Hopefully, I'll keep your interest to the end.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
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Well done
Comment from Erika Seshadri
This is awesome! Interesting, well-written, realistic dialogue, very polished, etcetera.
I shall go back and read the other chapters when I have more time.
Cheers!
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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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This is awesome! Interesting, well-written, realistic dialogue, very polished, etcetera.
I shall go back and read the other chapters when I have more time.
Cheers!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. You did come in towards the end. The men are traffickers, and a vigilante led the cops to them. Mark Hensley also a trafficker, escaped on a technicality, the vigilante made sure he wouldn't hurt another child.
Thank you again for reading my chapter. Your support it always greatly appreciated, take care.
