Sleep Tight - part three
Don't let the...24 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
What I assumed all along was a heart-attack is apparently something else. Something strange is happening.
For a moment or two, nothing happened, and Seam became dimly aware [I'm sure someone's already pointed out your misspelling of Sean. (I've had this pulled up since yesterday)]
became dimly aware of the ridiculous of his situation. [...aware of the ridiculousness of his situation.]
What a foreboding final sentence. So it apparently wasn't a heart attack after all.
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What I assumed all along was a heart-attack is apparently something else. Something strange is happening.
For a moment or two, nothing happened, and Seam became dimly aware [I'm sure someone's already pointed out your misspelling of Sean. (I've had this pulled up since yesterday)]
became dimly aware of the ridiculous of his situation. [...aware of the ridiculousness of his situation.]
What a foreboding final sentence. So it apparently wasn't a heart attack after all.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from Ulla
Ah, Gareth, so now I know it will be ongoing. Great! Because it is a spooky story and well written. I just wonder, is that old man across the corridor his nemesis? Well, we will know soon enough. Ulla:)))
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Ah, Gareth, so now I know it will be ongoing. Great! Because it is a spooky story and well written. I just wonder, is that old man across the corridor his nemesis? Well, we will know soon enough. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great post. I was able to get right into the rhythm of the story-telling and the ending has left me curious (and creeped out!)
You've got a horror story with some wonderful details:
"the door closing with a soft click... his hand against cool wood."
Nicely done.
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Great post. I was able to get right into the rhythm of the story-telling and the ending has left me curious (and creeped out!)
You've got a horror story with some wonderful details:
"the door closing with a soft click... his hand against cool wood."
Nicely done.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from royowen
I love the enigmatic last statement of the old, "This is way it always begins" as if it's happened countless times before, I think Sean lives in his mind, as do we all, to some degree, you are very good at these Gareth, the characters are "unique", living in a surreal world, well done, blessings Roy
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I love the enigmatic last statement of the old, "This is way it always begins" as if it's happened countless times before, I think Sean lives in his mind, as do we all, to some degree, you are very good at these Gareth, the characters are "unique", living in a surreal world, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from robyn corum
Gareth,
You are a hateful, hateful, hateful, spiteful human. BUT somehow, I'm still gonna read this. Grrrrrr. How can you be so evil?!!! And then to even make this chapter so tiny?! I think you actually enjoy playing with us. Like whatever it is playing with poor Sean.
Okay. I'm willing to dangle a bit longer. I just knew you were about to wrap this up. I'm getting concerned about how long you will make this thing. Especially now that we're hooked. Ugh. EVIL.
One note:
--> For a moment or two, nothing happened, and Sea(n) became dimly aware
I should give you a one star rating for EVIL. But I'm very nice.
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Gareth,
You are a hateful, hateful, hateful, spiteful human. BUT somehow, I'm still gonna read this. Grrrrrr. How can you be so evil?!!! And then to even make this chapter so tiny?! I think you actually enjoy playing with us. Like whatever it is playing with poor Sean.
Okay. I'm willing to dangle a bit longer. I just knew you were about to wrap this up. I'm getting concerned about how long you will make this thing. Especially now that we're hooked. Ugh. EVIL.
One note:
--> For a moment or two, nothing happened, and Sea(n) became dimly aware
I should give you a one star rating for EVIL. But I'm very nice.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from Suzanna Ray
giraffmang,You can be reassured that I'm going to be reading every chapter of this story, no matter how long it is. It has got me grasped in its clutches of suspense.
As a writer, you have definitely found your genre.
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giraffmang,You can be reassured that I'm going to be reading every chapter of this story, no matter how long it is. It has got me grasped in its clutches of suspense.
As a writer, you have definitely found your genre.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from estory
I think you're building up great suspense here with this strange pain and mysterious dried blood in the sheets. Sean has no idea what's going on, at three thirty in the morning. The old man across the hall is portrayed in equally mysterious terms and after Sean pounds on the door and he comes out, he has a couple of more mysterious things to say: 'which time?' which seems to indicate something has been going on over some time, and 'this is how it always begins,' suggesting this story is about to get crazier and crazier. We await your next installment....estory
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I think you're building up great suspense here with this strange pain and mysterious dried blood in the sheets. Sean has no idea what's going on, at three thirty in the morning. The old man across the hall is portrayed in equally mysterious terms and after Sean pounds on the door and he comes out, he has a couple of more mysterious things to say: 'which time?' which seems to indicate something has been going on over some time, and 'this is how it always begins,' suggesting this story is about to get crazier and crazier. We await your next installment....estory
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from Ric Myworld
You have me anxious to know where the story goes from here. Something is going on deep down, even more than is on the surface. We are all more fragile than we realize. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
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You have me anxious to know where the story goes from here. Something is going on deep down, even more than is on the surface. We are all more fragile than we realize. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
Comment from kmoss
It's really getting good now! I love the strong ending:
The old man made a nasty phlegmy sound, cleared his throat, and said, "This is how it always begins."
I cannot wait to see what happens next!
Typo here: Previously - SEan
I think this could be worded better to help eliminate confusion and repetition:The sound of creaking floorboards and an opening door drew Sean's attention to his door.
(Maybe drew Sean's attention to outside of his apartment or to the outside).
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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It's really getting good now! I love the strong ending:
The old man made a nasty phlegmy sound, cleared his throat, and said, "This is how it always begins."
I cannot wait to see what happens next!
Typo here: Previously - SEan
I think this could be worded better to help eliminate confusion and repetition:The sound of creaking floorboards and an opening door drew Sean's attention to his door.
(Maybe drew Sean's attention to outside of his apartment or to the outside).
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Yep. Spot on. I'll do something about that.
Cheers G
Comment from damommy
Now, that's certainly a puzzling statement. Is it something sinister in this dosshouse, something more than Sean's imagination? I'm staying tuned to find out.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Now, that's certainly a puzzling statement. Is it something sinister in this dosshouse, something more than Sean's imagination? I'm staying tuned to find out.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Many thanks Yvonne.
