Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Betrayal Chapter 19"In the title.
45 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
My adrenalin is flowing...let's get into attack mode and blast this fella to the next planet. Ohhh! That sounds rough for an old granny, but I guess that Italian name gives me rights (Cichella) to rat-a-tat-tat LOL
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My adrenalin is flowing...let's get into attack mode and blast this fella to the next planet. Ohhh! That sounds rough for an old granny, but I guess that Italian name gives me rights (Cichella) to rat-a-tat-tat LOL
Comment Written 13-Mar-2021
Comment from DeboraDyess
Okay, NOW I'm caught up! Or did you secretly post another chapter and get me? Lol.
~When Jeff and Grant are discussing the new gun and the home-training, there are a lot of 'it's. Especially as Jeff is handing the gun back to Grant, I got a bit it-overwhelmed. YOu might replace a pronoun or two. :)
~'Grant knew she had his question' should be with "What?" (his dialogue).
~In the last chapter, you used the word 'query' exclusively. In this one, you're using 'question'. I'd swap some around to make it more evenly spread throughout the chapters. (Nit-picky!!! lol)
~ In the US, Grant kissing the top of Lorna's head would be considered sexual harassment. We're such a weird culture! You've established their relationship well enough that I didn't think anything of it, but just wanted to gripe about my folks for a minute. lol
~ Y'all turn your clocks back, too? So irritating!!
~ 'when we see' and 'almost didn't see' are so close together....I'd reword one. robably the second to say 'almost missed' the car. Just a thought.
~ peer through the window, before beckoning to >> peer through the window before beckoning to
~ WHAT???~~~ Why did you stop there!!! (Boy, I'm using a lot of exclamation points here...) I was so ready for them to make entry into the building and save Tania! You really need to get the next chapter up.
I'm still enjoying this a ton, Sandra. An excellent read!
Blessings and hugs,
Debs
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Okay, NOW I'm caught up! Or did you secretly post another chapter and get me? Lol.
~When Jeff and Grant are discussing the new gun and the home-training, there are a lot of 'it's. Especially as Jeff is handing the gun back to Grant, I got a bit it-overwhelmed. YOu might replace a pronoun or two. :)
~'Grant knew she had his question' should be with "What?" (his dialogue).
~In the last chapter, you used the word 'query' exclusively. In this one, you're using 'question'. I'd swap some around to make it more evenly spread throughout the chapters. (Nit-picky!!! lol)
~ In the US, Grant kissing the top of Lorna's head would be considered sexual harassment. We're such a weird culture! You've established their relationship well enough that I didn't think anything of it, but just wanted to gripe about my folks for a minute. lol
~ Y'all turn your clocks back, too? So irritating!!
~ 'when we see' and 'almost didn't see' are so close together....I'd reword one. robably the second to say 'almost missed' the car. Just a thought.
~ peer through the window, before beckoning to >> peer through the window before beckoning to
~ WHAT???~~~ Why did you stop there!!! (Boy, I'm using a lot of exclamation points here...) I was so ready for them to make entry into the building and save Tania! You really need to get the next chapter up.
I'm still enjoying this a ton, Sandra. An excellent read!
Blessings and hugs,
Debs
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Debs, for those lovely six stars, and the wonderful review. I've taken up your suggestions, and made the other corrections. I'm really grateful to you, as you know, for the help you give me. The next part is just about ready to hit the postings. Your words that you are still enjoying this 'a ton' are such a lovely compliment. Thank you, dear lady!! I hope you enjoy the next part. I've put up that there is some violence in it, but no more than most would see on the news channel on the television. :)) Thank you, my friend. Sending another huge hug. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from DSchlosser
Woo! Let's doo this! I'm ready to see what happens next. I actually did find an error in this chapter near the beginning. You have two spots where Jeff returns Grant's gun to him just shortly apart from each sentence.
Here was the first time: Jeff frowned as he handed it back. 'Perhaps it would be a good idea if I signed up, even if it's just for the training. Got to keep this body of mine in shape.'
And skip the next quote and Jeff is returning it again: Jeff grinned and handed the gun back to Grant. 'Anyway, putting that aside, Reg ...
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Woo! Let's doo this! I'm ready to see what happens next. I actually did find an error in this chapter near the beginning. You have two spots where Jeff returns Grant's gun to him just shortly apart from each sentence.
Here was the first time: Jeff frowned as he handed it back. 'Perhaps it would be a good idea if I signed up, even if it's just for the training. Got to keep this body of mine in shape.'
And skip the next quote and Jeff is returning it again: Jeff grinned and handed the gun back to Grant. 'Anyway, putting that aside, Reg ...
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Thank you so very, very much for spotting that!!! My word, I would have hated it to come up after I'd published it. What an awful mistake. I so glad you told me. Thanks, David. I really appreciated this. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from dmt1967
''Perfect!' Grant was elated and dropped a kiss on top of Lorna's head. 'I owe you a huge bonus.' As they turned to leave, Grant promised to keep her updated.' This is another great chapter. Just a couple of things.. The first is the line above. I would show he promised her rather than tell the reader this. 'He turned towards the door. Lorna placed her hand on his arm. "Keep me updated," she pleaded. He gave her a curt smile. "I will, promise."'
And also, when he asks Colin the question. I would ask it not tell the reader he asked it.
Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
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''Perfect!' Grant was elated and dropped a kiss on top of Lorna's head. 'I owe you a huge bonus.' As they turned to leave, Grant promised to keep her updated.' This is another great chapter. Just a couple of things.. The first is the line above. I would show he promised her rather than tell the reader this. 'He turned towards the door. Lorna placed her hand on his arm. "Keep me updated," she pleaded. He gave her a curt smile. "I will, promise."'
And also, when he asks Colin the question. I would ask it not tell the reader he asked it.
Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for that, Jackie, I really like that sentence and I'm going to change it now. The other one I'll work on. I do enjoy reading reviews like yours that give me great helpful suggestions. Thanks again, my friend. Take care, and you stay safe, too. :)) Sandra xx
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I like that. I'll change it now. Thank you so much, Jackie. I love reviews like yours. It's a great help. I'll also look at that second sentence. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Erika Seshadri
Good afternoon! I really need to go back and start from the beginning with this. It looks so interesting, and it's very well written. I can see why you are ranked number two on the site.
Happy writing!
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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Good afternoon! I really need to go back and start from the beginning with this. It looks so interesting, and it's very well written. I can see why you are ranked number two on the site.
Happy writing!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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Hi Erika, thank you so much for this really complimentary review, I really appreciated it. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part and would love it if you join me as it continues. Sending you a warm hug! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Really? You're just gonna end it there with a cold, unfriendly 'continued'? (wink, wink, grin) Seriously, didn't seem long at all and very well done, my lady! ;) Thanx for sharing and I'll just wait here, then, shall I .... (for next week)... lol!! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Really? You're just gonna end it there with a cold, unfriendly 'continued'? (wink, wink, grin) Seriously, didn't seem long at all and very well done, my lady! ;) Thanx for sharing and I'll just wait here, then, shall I .... (for next week)... lol!! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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LOL, I had to get this part up to the point where I can move straight into the next part which has a lot of action to it. It's rather long, and I'm a bit worried it might be too long. But, I've read longer on here, so I'm going for it! Thank you so much, Yvette, and, yes, just sit there, and don't go away! Lol. Sending you a humongous hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from estory
I think you really built up the suspense all through this chapter, from the moment Grant and Reg start talking about Colin's involvement in the disappearance of Tania, adding in that bit about how angry Tania was about the plans, to orchestrating this scheme to follow him with the tracker, and then following his car out into the country. I think the suspense grew and built as the chapter went along, we follow them into this mysterious cottage, around the side of the building, trying the door, and finding it locked. There's this growing sense of something big going to be discovered in that cottage; maybe Tania. estory
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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I think you really built up the suspense all through this chapter, from the moment Grant and Reg start talking about Colin's involvement in the disappearance of Tania, adding in that bit about how angry Tania was about the plans, to orchestrating this scheme to follow him with the tracker, and then following his car out into the country. I think the suspense grew and built as the chapter went along, we follow them into this mysterious cottage, around the side of the building, trying the door, and finding it locked. There's this growing sense of something big going to be discovered in that cottage; maybe Tania. estory
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Aw, thank you, Estory, what a lovely review. Yes, something big is going to happen in the next part, so stay tuned! I'm over the moon that you enjoyed this part, and your review was fabulous. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
I do hope those shingles are getting easier. I know that is a terrible thing to deal with. Bless you!
This was an awesome chapter. I just didn't want it to end! Hurry up!!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Sandra,
I do hope those shingles are getting easier. I know that is a terrible thing to deal with. Bless you!
This was an awesome chapter. I just didn't want it to end! Hurry up!!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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The next part is a bit longer, do you think that will be alright? Lol. It is what everyone has been waiting for. Thanks, Robyn, for your lovely comments.
Yes, I don't advise anyone to have shingles, they are so painful. They are easing now, but it takes so long. Sending you a hug, dear friend. :)) xxx Sandra xx
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Yes - the denouement is fine. Thanks!
Comment from muffinmama
This chapter increases the suspense and reads so fluently. My mind never wandered throughout the entire piece.
I like the dialogue, crisp and nothing extra.
Just one tiny edit: The comma in the following sentence should be after 'silent', not 'fast':
Jeff moved like a panther, fast, and silent up to Colin's car.
Waiting for the next installment.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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This chapter increases the suspense and reads so fluently. My mind never wandered throughout the entire piece.
I like the dialogue, crisp and nothing extra.
Just one tiny edit: The comma in the following sentence should be after 'silent', not 'fast':
Jeff moved like a panther, fast, and silent up to Colin's car.
Waiting for the next installment.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Thank you for this lovely review, Muffinmama, and thank you for spotting that comma misplacement. I've made the correction now. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from alexisleech
Another wonderful chapter, Sandra, which had me on the edge of my seat as my eyes rushed down the page. Of course, my thoughts concerning Tania and the fearful agony she must be suffering kept jumping into my head, and the fact that there were no signs of life at the place Colin had parked his car intensified my concern.
Soooooo looking forward to the next chapter!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Another wonderful chapter, Sandra, which had me on the edge of my seat as my eyes rushed down the page. Of course, my thoughts concerning Tania and the fearful agony she must be suffering kept jumping into my head, and the fact that there were no signs of life at the place Colin had parked his car intensified my concern.
Soooooo looking forward to the next chapter!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Alexis, for all those pretty stars, and the fabulous review. Now to find out what is inside that bulding!! Stay tuned, my friend. Warm hugs, and loads of love! :) Sandra xxxx
