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Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Telling of the dreams"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
10 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz1
Oh my an awakening of dream sharing! Did my invite get lost in the mail? Your selected art work blends well with words of which I can surely relate. Do you know that dreams are mentioned over 200 times in the Holy Bible? I look forward to reading more of your offerings.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Oh my an awakening of dream sharing! Did my invite get lost in the mail? Your selected art work blends well with words of which I can surely relate. Do you know that dreams are mentioned over 200 times in the Holy Bible? I look forward to reading more of your offerings.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. That is cool about dreams in the Bible. There were many messages for different purposes. I did not receive your message to my knowledge.
Comment from Lance S. Loria
This is not what I expected. It tells about telling about the dreams but not actually telling the dreams. It's a story about eating brunch. In that regard it was a bit lengthy and a let down to this reader.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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This is not what I expected. It tells about telling about the dreams but not actually telling the dreams. It's a story about eating brunch. In that regard it was a bit lengthy and a let down to this reader.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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The dreams were in the previous chapter 27. Feel free to check it out in my profile. There is no need to do any review. Just enjoy.
Comment from Patricia Cammish
A well written continuation of your story.
The crow picture is appropriate, perhaps a reminder of its relevance, might be useful, from time to time in the text, for people who haven't got around to reading the notes.
A couple of things...
The two mentions of the name 'jesus' need capital letters.
The following sentence might read more easily....
'He wasn't sure why COMMA but knew his resistance was..'
Lots of luscious food description is always a plus point.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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A well written continuation of your story.
The crow picture is appropriate, perhaps a reminder of its relevance, might be useful, from time to time in the text, for people who haven't got around to reading the notes.
A couple of things...
The two mentions of the name 'jesus' need capital letters.
The following sentence might read more easily....
'He wasn't sure why COMMA but knew his resistance was..'
Lots of luscious food description is always a plus point.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you want to read any of the previous chapters feel free to check them out in my portfolio. There is no need for reviewing.
Comment from aryr
A fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. What a wonderful picture choice, a crow for the Crow Nation Reservation, very appropriate, may I suggest it as the cover picture for the book when it is completed. Liz and Linda are eager to tell of their dreams, but Tommy is reluctant. I think given everyone's background that is certainly acceptable. Well done, very much enjoyed and I await the next chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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A fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. What a wonderful picture choice, a crow for the Crow Nation Reservation, very appropriate, may I suggest it as the cover picture for the book when it is completed. Liz and Linda are eager to tell of their dreams, but Tommy is reluctant. I think given everyone's background that is certainly acceptable. Well done, very much enjoyed and I await the next chapter.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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Thank you again for your appreciative review. I'm glad to know how it comes across. There will have to be a crow on the cover...definitely.
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You are so welcome Liz, the story is definitely interesting and well done.
Comment from Mistydawn
This is another well-written chapter. It's interesting, very realistic. I can relate to the sweetest thing, lol. I believe you should eat dessert first that way, if something happens, at least the best part of the meal is over, lol. Heck, I've been known to make meals out of just desserts.
PS. Big sky is back, did you see it? If not, you should.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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This is another well-written chapter. It's interesting, very realistic. I can relate to the sweetest thing, lol. I believe you should eat dessert first that way, if something happens, at least the best part of the meal is over, lol. Heck, I've been known to make meals out of just desserts.
PS. Big sky is back, did you see it? If not, you should.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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Thank you again for your appreciative review. I'm glad to know how it comes across. I bet you eat the frosting off a cake first...lol
I did not know about Big Sky being back...yay...but now I'll have to read a summary of the past stuff...I have no idea...lol
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How did you know about the cake? Lol. Chocolate isn't safe with me. Hubby will say I swear I had a candy bar I'll say two days ago you did, lol.
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lol...I used to be addicted to chocolate, thus the allusion to Bea the wee bear having a honey addiction. I went about 3 years...chocolate & white sugar free. When my fellow gave me some chocolate fudge and wanted to share it right then...that was the end of the sugar free era. It was a good experience...I probably won't do it again. I would go to the co-op & get carob treats...Not anything like chocolate!
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Three years? I went a week without regular sugar when I was in the hospital and thought I was going to die.
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That was me with caffeine. I had surgery and they kept giving me ginger ale. We used to have that when we were sick. When I used to drink, rye & ginger was a cheap drink. I kept getting nauseous drinking it the time I was in the hospital. Finally, I said could I have some coke? I was like a new person.
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One time my friend and I had a bet. She gave up smoking, I gave up pop. It ended in a draw, after driving each other mad, lol. That first sip never tasted so good. Neither did that again.
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lol
Comment from robyn corum
Liz,
You did a good job on this chapter - or portion of one. You left off on a good spot, too - leaving the reader wanting to know what will happen next. I cannot imagine the scene to follow, when all parties find out their hidden connections. It is gonna get hairy!!!
Nice job. Thanks!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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Liz,
You did a good job on this chapter - or portion of one. You left off on a good spot, too - leaving the reader wanting to know what will happen next. I cannot imagine the scene to follow, when all parties find out their hidden connections. It is gonna get hairy!!!
Nice job. Thanks!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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Thank you again for your appreciative review. I'm glad to know how it comes across.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Mother Earth is a miracle from God, like Jesus no matter how much we hurt her, she forgives us and gives us another chance; "Mother Earth as she daily stared at the scars left by humans. This dream allayed her fears. She had become aware that Earth Mother is indomitable. There are losses, sure; but there is a healing that follows." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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Mother Earth is a miracle from God, like Jesus no matter how much we hurt her, she forgives us and gives us another chance; "Mother Earth as she daily stared at the scars left by humans. This dream allayed her fears. She had become aware that Earth Mother is indomitable. There are losses, sure; but there is a healing that follows." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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Thank you again for your appreciative review. I'm glad to know how it comes across.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh, I missed the dream... I'll have to go back when time allows and catch up!! ;) A good chapter here, Liz, although I know I've missed some... ;) Thanx for sharing and keep going with the story! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021
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Oh, I missed the dream... I'll have to go back when time allows and catch up!! ;) A good chapter here, Liz, although I know I've missed some... ;) Thanx for sharing and keep going with the story! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. Remember, you don't need to write a review for past chapters. Just enjoy.
Comment from lyenochka
I really felt like I was being stalled from hearing the dream stories just as Tommy was stalling from letting them speak! I'm glad he will finally get to share his connection to Sage to these ladies who helped to rescue her.
My favorite line was "some Elders had more aches and pains from living long lives of holding in their emotions and the stress resulting." Now I can relate to that!
Suggestion:
"I could never have endured it with my dear friend Linda at my side." (I think you meant "without" not "with.")
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021
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I really felt like I was being stalled from hearing the dream stories just as Tommy was stalling from letting them speak! I'm glad he will finally get to share his connection to Sage to these ladies who helped to rescue her.
My favorite line was "some Elders had more aches and pains from living long lives of holding in their emotions and the stress resulting." Now I can relate to that!
Suggestion:
"I could never have endured it with my dear friend Linda at my side." (I think you meant "without" not "with.")
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I changed that "with" to "without" somewhere but it must not have gotten to this copy. Thank you.
Comment from Erika Seshadri
Although this is the first chapter of yours I'm reading, this is an interesting basis for a story. I'll have to go back and read the other chapters. I love how the character's personalities seem to be well-defined, and they are focused on addressing important issues
Just a couple things to think about...
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021
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Although this is the first chapter of yours I'm reading, this is an interesting basis for a story. I'll have to go back and read the other chapters. I love how the character's personalities seem to be well-defined, and they are focused on addressing important issues
Just a couple things to think about...
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. You are welcome to go to my profile and read the 1st 13 chapters in particular. Liz & Linda are rescuing 10 Native teens from a trafficking operation. There is no need to write a review. Just enjoy, then read the rest of them up to this one.
You wrote"Just a couple things to think about..." did you have some observations I could benefit from?
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I did, but actually hit send before I got to type them. It wouldn't let me go back, so I'll put it here.
"Liz smiled glowingly and gestured dramatically" FYI, I recently had a novel professionally edited, and one of the helpful things I learned is that editors and publishers hate adverbs. A few sprinkled about here and there are fine, but you have two in this sentence alone. They would rather you describe what her smile looked like, or what she did with her arms when she gestured, etc.
A perfect example of when you could leave out the adverb entirely:
"Since Tommy found out about what had happened to his sister Sage, he had been beating himself up, emotionally." --> you can just take the word emotionally out. Put a period after up and call it good. Also, you need a comma before Sage.
A handful of your sentences are a bit twisty. Like this one:
"His dream bringing him to the barred window holding his sister from freedom and safety helped heal and free him." --> This seems to be in the wrong tense... and I'm not exactly what you are trying to say at the end. Maybe break it up into two sentences. For example: "The dream brought him to the barred window that was keeping his sister from freedom. It somehow had a healing effect on him."
Anyway, just thought I'd share some things I've learned along the way from other writers. Hope this can be helpful to you.
All the best.
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I have taken your comments into consideration. I'm afraid, I wax poetically even in prose. I will become more conscious of that.