The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Let there Be Light"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
13 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
FORESTPORT12:
It is often difficult to know what side to take on situations like
this. It appears that Standing Bear has chosen his love for Little
Deer over his tribe. It's a good thing for Jane that Standing Bear
has chosen to help Little Bear and her. Looking forward to reading
the next installment.
Rdfrdmom2
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FORESTPORT12:
It is often difficult to know what side to take on situations like
this. It appears that Standing Bear has chosen his love for Little
Deer over his tribe. It's a good thing for Jane that Standing Bear
has chosen to help Little Bear and her. Looking forward to reading
the next installment.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
Comment from Alaskastory
"Let there Be Light" moves along in with more surprise. Very well done.
I suspect tiny changes: "...and (nearly)laughed to see Standing Bear covered in a plume of smokey dirt." To show mood doesn't change. Also a statement is needed about Little Deer's cut on his arm as either not bleeding or not injured much.
typo: "I looked a(at) Little Deer who searched...."
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"Let there Be Light" moves along in with more surprise. Very well done.
I suspect tiny changes: "...and (nearly)laughed to see Standing Bear covered in a plume of smokey dirt." To show mood doesn't change. Also a statement is needed about Little Deer's cut on his arm as either not bleeding or not injured much.
typo: "I looked a(at) Little Deer who searched...."
Comment Written 30-Jan-2021
Comment from DonandVicki
i have enjoyed following your story line. I think this is largely due to the fact that you dialogue pulls this reader into the plot as if he were part of the story. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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i have enjoyed following your story line. I think this is largely due to the fact that you dialogue pulls this reader into the plot as if he were part of the story. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
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Thanks for mentioning the dialogue. I wasn't sure it worked.
Comment from Ben Colder
Well these gal got themselves into a fix but surprised to see the half-breed hubby came to the rescue. Now they really have problems. Old stomping Buffalo is no more, but we got company coming.
Good one Bro.
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Well these gal got themselves into a fix but surprised to see the half-breed hubby came to the rescue. Now they really have problems. Old stomping Buffalo is no more, but we got company coming.
Good one Bro.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2021
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hey Stan.
As usual, you narrative is well written and the escape from the cave was described in detail. The anxieties are not over for them because the approaching braves represent a danger to their lives. They just escaped from one danger and another one comes down the river.
Robert
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Hey Stan.
As usual, you narrative is well written and the escape from the cave was described in detail. The anxieties are not over for them because the approaching braves represent a danger to their lives. They just escaped from one danger and another one comes down the river.
Robert
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
Comment from Mastery
I really liked this chapter, Stan. Great, realistic images throughout as usual. Your plot seems to moving along very well.
Suggestions if you don't mind: Here: ". He dropped her and stumbled backward. In the glowing light, I saw who it was. "Standing Bear!" (For brevity change this to:
" He dropped her and stumbled backward. In the glowing light, I saw "Standing Bear!"
Also: Here: " I could scarcely breathe." ( Use adverbs (words ending in "ly" as little as possible. Change this to "I had trouble breathing"
And I suggest you rewrite this for a number of reasons, Stan: Here:
"Little Deer pulled out some Buffalo jerk and offered me a piece and then one to her husband who sat down beside her. He snapped a piece into his mouth, chewed hard. It seemed his mind churned away for what to say to the wife who took flight."
Change to: Little Deer pulled out some Buffalo jerk and offered a piece to me and one to her husband, who sat down beside her. Snapping a piece off, into his mouth, he chewed hard. His mind seemed to be thinking of wht to say to the wife who took flight."
Bless you, my friend. Bob
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I really liked this chapter, Stan. Great, realistic images throughout as usual. Your plot seems to moving along very well.
Suggestions if you don't mind: Here: ". He dropped her and stumbled backward. In the glowing light, I saw who it was. "Standing Bear!" (For brevity change this to:
" He dropped her and stumbled backward. In the glowing light, I saw "Standing Bear!"
Also: Here: " I could scarcely breathe." ( Use adverbs (words ending in "ly" as little as possible. Change this to "I had trouble breathing"
And I suggest you rewrite this for a number of reasons, Stan: Here:
"Little Deer pulled out some Buffalo jerk and offered me a piece and then one to her husband who sat down beside her. He snapped a piece into his mouth, chewed hard. It seemed his mind churned away for what to say to the wife who took flight."
Change to: Little Deer pulled out some Buffalo jerk and offered a piece to me and one to her husband, who sat down beside her. Snapping a piece off, into his mouth, he chewed hard. His mind seemed to be thinking of wht to say to the wife who took flight."
Bless you, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
Comment from Mistydawn
The poor guy only wanted answers. I'm so glad it turned out all right. Now I hope whoever is searching for them doesn't see them. Your chapter is well-written, interesting, suspenseful, realistic. I look forward to reading more.
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The poor guy only wanted answers. I'm so glad it turned out all right. Now I hope whoever is searching for them doesn't see them. Your chapter is well-written, interesting, suspenseful, realistic. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
Comment from BethShelby
This was an exciting chapter. I was relieved that Standing Beat really cared for LIttle Deer and was sad that she left him and they he couldn't go back to his people. It is good they are out of the cave but now they much try to not be seen by those who are looking for them. I'm looking forward to more.
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This was an exciting chapter. I was relieved that Standing Beat really cared for LIttle Deer and was sad that she left him and they he couldn't go back to his people. It is good they are out of the cave but now they much try to not be seen by those who are looking for them. I'm looking forward to more.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
Comment from Sally Law
I thought maybe this was it for our captives. Standing Bear seems to have a heart. This gives me hope for the women.
A few improvements for your consideration.
[I thought to myself, he had to ask why?] Combine the two sentences into one. I would also put 'he had to ask why' in italics.
"I no go back to my people," [said] Standing Bear. Lower case "s" after a comma.
I thought it was a dead end.... Omit 'for sure.'
-Standing Bear- Little Deer's [husband]. You have wife here. Oops!
I hope this is helpful and readies your book for print.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo :))
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I thought maybe this was it for our captives. Standing Bear seems to have a heart. This gives me hope for the women.
A few improvements for your consideration.
[I thought to myself, he had to ask why?] Combine the two sentences into one. I would also put 'he had to ask why' in italics.
"I no go back to my people," [said] Standing Bear. Lower case "s" after a comma.
I thought it was a dead end.... Omit 'for sure.'
-Standing Bear- Little Deer's [husband]. You have wife here. Oops!
I hope this is helpful and readies your book for print.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo :))
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
Comment from AnnieDawn
This is interesting and keeps the reader going easily through the story. I found that it was a nice plot. There are a few errors but not anything gross. Check your cast of characters. There is a mistake in Standing Bear. Then a couple below this. Otherwise good job.
I expected his brown eyes to turn a fiery read(was that supposed to be 'red' instead of 'read'?)
We crouched and slipped along the side wall until it opened into what a natural chamber. ('what' could be dropped from the sentence)
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This is interesting and keeps the reader going easily through the story. I found that it was a nice plot. There are a few errors but not anything gross. Check your cast of characters. There is a mistake in Standing Bear. Then a couple below this. Otherwise good job.
I expected his brown eyes to turn a fiery read(was that supposed to be 'red' instead of 'read'?)
We crouched and slipped along the side wall until it opened into what a natural chamber. ('what' could be dropped from the sentence)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
