Sleep Tight - part one
part one27 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Greed cost Sean his little piece of heaven. He certainly found out the hard way didn't he. At least he gave up without any violence. A stronger person would go make a new life for himself. Good story with great imagery, Gareth.Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Greed cost Sean his little piece of heaven. He certainly found out the hard way didn't he. At least he gave up without any violence. A stronger person would go make a new life for himself. Good story with great imagery, Gareth.Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Many thanks, Nancy. G
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You have left an interesting hook. What will Sean do next. I don't believe he will just give up. I am interested in reading your next post. Your writing is always intriguing.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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You have left an interesting hook. What will Sean do next. I don't believe he will just give up. I am interested in reading your next post. Your writing is always intriguing.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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It intrigues me as frequently I have no idea where it's going. I blame James Herbert! lol G
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great start to this story with some lovely details: "...the murky water of a perpetually stained toilet... a mangy robe peppered with cigarette burns...three young lads sniffing glue from a plastic bag..."
You've also neatly woven in some mystery - the weal on his temple, the fate of the former resident.
I appreciate that you've made it clear in the title that this is part 1 of the story or I would have been sorely frustrated at the end. As it is, I can't wait for part 2.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Great start to this story with some lovely details: "...the murky water of a perpetually stained toilet... a mangy robe peppered with cigarette burns...three young lads sniffing glue from a plastic bag..."
You've also neatly woven in some mystery - the weal on his temple, the fate of the former resident.
I appreciate that you've made it clear in the title that this is part 1 of the story or I would have been sorely frustrated at the end. As it is, I can't wait for part 2.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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I usually write serialised. I kind of like it and it's a great way of building tension, suspense, excitement for a chapter end. G
Comment from Ric Myworld
AS always, you offer up outstanding descriptive writing that puts me right in the action and characters almost too relatable for pleasure. :-) Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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AS always, you offer up outstanding descriptive writing that puts me right in the action and characters almost too relatable for pleasure. :-) Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for the great response, Rik. G
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is proving to be an exciting story to follow. Sean appears to be a character to be reckoned with in one way or the other. Very interesting.
Noticed one typo:
Left behind all his stuff. Sheets had to (be) burned, they were so stained. Never seen again."
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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This is proving to be an exciting story to follow. Sean appears to be a character to be reckoned with in one way or the other. Very interesting.
Noticed one typo:
Left behind all his stuff. Sheets had to (be) burned, they were so stained. Never seen again."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Many thanks. Good catch with the missing word too.GMG
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
The description in this piece is beautiful.
I particularly liked
the mattress didn't recover, holding hostage the depression his ass had made
Then I thought about this. If the matress didn't recover, who was the victim here and who the antagonist? I have a feeling held hostage by the imprint of his ass might be better (just a thought)
I am reserving other comments until the later part(s), as I want to find out why you categorized it as you did.
Minor points for your consideration:
completely uneventful save for > as there is a caveat, I would remove completely
driveway of ex-wife's (formerly his) house > driveway of his ex-wife's (formerly his) house
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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The description in this piece is beautiful.
I particularly liked
the mattress didn't recover, holding hostage the depression his ass had made
Then I thought about this. If the matress didn't recover, who was the victim here and who the antagonist? I have a feeling held hostage by the imprint of his ass might be better (just a thought)
I am reserving other comments until the later part(s), as I want to find out why you categorized it as you did.
Minor points for your consideration:
completely uneventful save for > as there is a caveat, I would remove completely
driveway of ex-wife's (formerly his) house > driveway of his ex-wife's (formerly his) house
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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if you've never heard the expression 'thundering down' you've never been to Ireland! lol that's exactly what it does.
many thanks GMG
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I have never been to Ireland, and stand corrected, sorry. (I am happy to have learned my new term for the day...)
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A melancholy story about one man's loss of a life he once knew, and of his acceptance of the reality, albeit, through the intervention of his ex wife.
Great descriptions made us feel a part of his world and heartache.
Well written,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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A melancholy story about one man's loss of a life he once knew, and of his acceptance of the reality, albeit, through the intervention of his ex wife.
Great descriptions made us feel a part of his world and heartache.
Well written,
Rhonda
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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many thanks for the great response once again, Rhonda. G
