The Appointment
Liliana interviews with Dr. Rivers20 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
Wow! I love this unique story and where it seems to be going. You've done a great job with description, using all the senses, and have written believable, properly formatted dialogue. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Wow! I love this unique story and where it seems to be going. You've done a great job with description, using all the senses, and have written believable, properly formatted dialogue. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Judy, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I certainly appreciate the beautiful six stars. You're a star!!
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from RetroStarfish
I really enjoyed reading this chapter.
You make excellent use of all the senses - smell, feel and taste in the opening paragraph - well done!
You also have some delicious turns of phrase: "... poised his chin on tented fingertips."
Just a few small things to consider:
"... your mother once you lure her down here," needs a comma after mother
"Just because people are old or infirmed..." should be infirm.
"That's very noble, but it is also ambitious to go against social norms." Disabled people work all the time and even some elderly people continue to work, so I'm not sure he's going 'against social norms." The sentence would be stronger if you ended it at ambitious. My opinion for what its worth.
Great chapter. I love the dynamic you've set up between Liliana and the doctor.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2021
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I really enjoyed reading this chapter.
You make excellent use of all the senses - smell, feel and taste in the opening paragraph - well done!
You also have some delicious turns of phrase: "... poised his chin on tented fingertips."
Just a few small things to consider:
"... your mother once you lure her down here," needs a comma after mother
"Just because people are old or infirmed..." should be infirm.
"That's very noble, but it is also ambitious to go against social norms." Disabled people work all the time and even some elderly people continue to work, so I'm not sure he's going 'against social norms." The sentence would be stronger if you ended it at ambitious. My opinion for what its worth.
Great chapter. I love the dynamic you've set up between Liliana and the doctor.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2021
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Excellent ideas, my friend. Thank you for paying attention to details, and for taking time to review. It sounds much better with the changes.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This chapter is easy to follow even though I haven't read the previous two chapters. The conversation between Lilian and Dr. Rivers was well written. Their intentions were clearly written in this story too.
Happy writing. Look forward to read the next chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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This chapter is easy to follow even though I haven't read the previous two chapters. The conversation between Lilian and Dr. Rivers was well written. Their intentions were clearly written in this story too.
Happy writing. Look forward to read the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Chan. I appreciate the time you?ve taken to read it, and your positive comments.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
The trouble with perceptions in humanity, they rule our society, they rule employment opportunities, politics particularly, because it's in that basis they are elected, and they are well aware of it, they know how to live in the lie. Hence your marvellously and appropriately named "Discarded treasures" beautifully written Rhonda, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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The trouble with perceptions in humanity, they rule our society, they rule employment opportunities, politics particularly, because it's in that basis they are elected, and they are well aware of it, they know how to live in the lie. Hence your marvellously and appropriately named "Discarded treasures" beautifully written Rhonda, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Roy, for the beautiful 6 stars. I also appreciate your comments. If you don?t mind, I?ll bring that up in a future chapter about the voting base. The people in nursing homes and the elderly are, often, overlooked for that reason.
Thanks again, my friend,
Rhonda
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Well done
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Thank you!!
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Well done
Comment from Jay Squires
Rhonda, this is the same book that started with the car crash during the hurricane? I'm just getting my bearings on this chapter. It works perfectly well as a standalone. I like your effective use of flashback. It blended seamlessly into the present action and connected with the Doctor who, I believe had picked up the protagonist (I can't think of her name now) who was clutching onto a tree. Please tell me I haven't blended two writer's works.
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Ah-ha! I do like the doctor, and it's thanks to his development in your hands. He is strong, yet leaves himself vulnerable (which, I guess can be attributed to his strength). Lilana, though she drove her car to Discarded Treasures to apply for the job, and underwent enormous challenges in the way, proves herself knowledgeable, intelligent, and incisive as to the possible failure of the school and her qualifications to administer it. When her doubts as to her courage in following through with the undertaking meet with Dr. Rivers offer to be her strength, her support ("Lean on me.") the reader has faith that here is the nucleus of an unbeatable team.
I agree with the pulling of the chapter that has the first part of this review. The character of the Doctor needs to be developed first, in my estimation, before he takes the child from the Fire truck. Otherwise, it's just a creepy action.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Rhonda, this is the same book that started with the car crash during the hurricane? I'm just getting my bearings on this chapter. It works perfectly well as a standalone. I like your effective use of flashback. It blended seamlessly into the present action and connected with the Doctor who, I believe had picked up the protagonist (I can't think of her name now) who was clutching onto a tree. Please tell me I haven't blended two writer's works.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah-ha! I do like the doctor, and it's thanks to his development in your hands. He is strong, yet leaves himself vulnerable (which, I guess can be attributed to his strength). Lilana, though she drove her car to Discarded Treasures to apply for the job, and underwent enormous challenges in the way, proves herself knowledgeable, intelligent, and incisive as to the possible failure of the school and her qualifications to administer it. When her doubts as to her courage in following through with the undertaking meet with Dr. Rivers offer to be her strength, her support ("Lean on me.") the reader has faith that here is the nucleus of an unbeatable team.
I agree with the pulling of the chapter that has the first part of this review. The character of the Doctor needs to be developed first, in my estimation, before he takes the child from the Fire truck. Otherwise, it's just a creepy action.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I took down this post as it just didn't work for my story. I'm rewriting it, so I'm not sure how you were able to read it. Thank you for reviewing it, though. I'll repost later.
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I know what probably happened. I download the posts in the morning that I will want to read in the evening. I see that isn't the best strategy, because it won't account for changes made in the text by the time I get to it--or those posts that get pulled. So sorry, Rhonda.
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It's only the second time I've ever done it, lol. I hope you go back and reread the new one, just for your input.
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Okay, I just re-released it if you'd like to pop back in, thanks!
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Thank you for taking the time to go back and reread. The mistake I made was to do something I've never done before and written about all my characters ahead of time, so I would know how to work in their personalities. I think I'll just keep the information for myself, and work in their backgrounds more subtly, and without all the details, lol.
It did sound a bit creepy, didn't it?? Hehe. That's where what's in our heads doesn't always transfer to the screen.
Again, much thanks!!
Rhonda
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I've deleted my last review because this is totally different. This is so much better, now we are reading the same book. I love the idea of Discarded Treasures, and think there should be places like this in reality. Being one myself!! Lol. I really loved the list of the people joining the school. Now they really are treasures. This is going to be an amazing story, one that older people will enjoy as much as the younger readers. I'm glad Joyce will be involved in this project. Well done, Rhonda, this is going to be so good! I'm not sure if there is a word missing in the sentence below. Excellent, my friend. I look forward to the next part. :) Sandra xx
Our lower tuition (fees ?)should attract those who can't afford more traditional education."
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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I've deleted my last review because this is totally different. This is so much better, now we are reading the same book. I love the idea of Discarded Treasures, and think there should be places like this in reality. Being one myself!! Lol. I really loved the list of the people joining the school. Now they really are treasures. This is going to be an amazing story, one that older people will enjoy as much as the younger readers. I'm glad Joyce will be involved in this project. Well done, Rhonda, this is going to be so good! I'm not sure if there is a word missing in the sentence below. Excellent, my friend. I look forward to the next part. :) Sandra xx
Our lower tuition (fees ?)should attract those who can't afford more traditional education."
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you Sandra. I removed the post. I?ll change it up to be a little less scary and repost later. Thanks for reading.
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Oh! I'll check it out when you re post. :)) xx
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Thanks. It was loosely based on one of my students? stories about a baby her uncle found abandoned under a bridge and raised. I think I need to make it softer for my usual style of writing, though.
I would appreciate you re-reading, though.
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I will. Let me know when you do it. :))
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I sure will, thanks.
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I just re-released it, if you'd like to look at it again. Thanks so much!
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I've just re-read it and re written my review. So much better! xx
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Thank you, Sandra. It always helps to have the filter of your friends!
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Thank you for the new review. I?m much happier with it as well. I?ll check the wording of that line. As fast as I was trying to rewrite, lol, I?m surprised I didn?t make more mistakes.
Take care,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome. :)) xxx
Comment from giraffmang
**Second reading**
This reads as a much better and cohesive continuation of story. The writing is clear and on point for the whole. The only thing I noticed was the lengthy dialogue between the two with no narrative punctuation. Purely a choice here, but maybe break it up a little with them doing something. Liliana could be looking at books on a shelf or out the window, something germane but not mundane.
feel it's smooth texture as she rested her hands nervously - its.
"Sometimes" Dr. Rivers said, "but I work hard not to let it show." - need punctuation after Sometimes.
All the best
G
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Hi R,
Might want to start thinking about a previously blurb for the top of your posts before it goes much further.
I had to check back to make sure I was reading the same book as it starts with unintroduced characters.
The idea of a lot of underage sex may make the book come a cropper. (they're all only 15) Age of consent in 20 states is 17 or higher.
He wouldn't stop her. The law was on her side. Fire stations, like hospitals, were safe havens to drop off newborns. - is it really legal to abandon the child?
"I'll call you Alfred," he whispered to the sleeping child. "It's a solid name for a child who will need all the strength he can get." - might want to check the sex of the baby first there me old doctor! lol
I'm sure he title matches fully as Freddy isn't the main focus or character in the chapter - just a thought.
Good writing throughout. technically sound.
G
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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**Second reading**
This reads as a much better and cohesive continuation of story. The writing is clear and on point for the whole. The only thing I noticed was the lengthy dialogue between the two with no narrative punctuation. Purely a choice here, but maybe break it up a little with them doing something. Liliana could be looking at books on a shelf or out the window, something germane but not mundane.
feel it's smooth texture as she rested her hands nervously - its.
"Sometimes" Dr. Rivers said, "but I work hard not to let it show." - need punctuation after Sometimes.
All the best
G
**
Hi R,
Might want to start thinking about a previously blurb for the top of your posts before it goes much further.
I had to check back to make sure I was reading the same book as it starts with unintroduced characters.
The idea of a lot of underage sex may make the book come a cropper. (they're all only 15) Age of consent in 20 states is 17 or higher.
He wouldn't stop her. The law was on her side. Fire stations, like hospitals, were safe havens to drop off newborns. - is it really legal to abandon the child?
"I'll call you Alfred," he whispered to the sleeping child. "It's a solid name for a child who will need all the strength he can get." - might want to check the sex of the baby first there me old doctor! lol
I'm sure he title matches fully as Freddy isn't the main focus or character in the chapter - just a thought.
Good writing throughout. technically sound.
G
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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I removed the post. I?ll change it up to be a mystery baby he found and let him wonder who might have dropped it off, but, yes, it?s legal to abandon babies at Fire Stations and Hospitals if they are under a certain age. Still, my stories aren?t this scary, so I?ll re-release.
Thanks!
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I believe they have to be handed over to a recognised person, though, not just left there, although that does seem to happen. It can be handed in rather than abandoned. if a baby just turns up it would trigger a search a they cannot assume the mother left it.
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That?s true. Unfortunately, it was loosely based on a true story. Still, I?ll change it entirely for the rewrite. Thanks for your honest input.
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I completely deleted the old chapter, and would appreciate it if you have time to look over the new one. Thanks!
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I've had a read through and updated at the top f the original review. Not sure if you get notified about that so letting you know! lol
Comment from lyenochka
I was reading and wondering if this was a different book or if I missed a chapter. I guess we went back into time and we learn a little bit more about this mysterious but kind Doc Rivers. I guess Alfred will have the nickname "Freddy" in the future. I wonder if Freddy will ever meet Sarabeth when he is grown. It's hard to imagine she could have kept an entire pregnancy and delivery so secret.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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I was reading and wondering if this was a different book or if I missed a chapter. I guess we went back into time and we learn a little bit more about this mysterious but kind Doc Rivers. I guess Alfred will have the nickname "Freddy" in the future. I wonder if Freddy will ever meet Sarabeth when he is grown. It's hard to imagine she could have kept an entire pregnancy and delivery so secret.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Hi, I disabled the post. It?s not the style I?m used to. I?ll change it up and repost later.
Thanks for reading,
Rhonda
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I deleted the old chapter, and would appreciate it if you have a chance to look over the new one. Thanks,
Rhonda
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I wasn't sure I was to create a new review as this one was completely different. This fit much better with the last post and builds the plot well. We got some background on Dr. Rivers. Yes, a heads-up on the flashbacks will be helpful.
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Okay, thanks. I think what I?ll do is just let the characters reveal bits of information here and there about themselves. It was an experiment to try something different, but it just didn?t work for my style.
I do really appreciate you going back and reviewing again.
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💖 I like your original tone and how we can discover along with the protagonist.
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Thank you!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I need to follow your book, it made me curious, and I hope the project doesn't involve experiments with innocent children. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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I need to follow your book, it made me curious, and I hope the project doesn't involve experiments with innocent children. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Hi, Iza,
I disabled the post. The book is about rescuing people and giving them a new life. I?m going to rewrite it with the doctor just finding the child and wondering what made a person abandon a child, or just leave this out entirely.
Thanks for reading,
Rhonda
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Hearbreaking--so glad it had a good ending--still, agonizing to contemplate her action--dialog is spot-on--rings true--brisk and snappy pace--gripping!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Hearbreaking--so glad it had a good ending--still, agonizing to contemplate her action--dialog is spot-on--rings true--brisk and snappy pace--gripping!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Elizabeth. I?ve actually disabled the post now. The character, once a teen, becomes pivotal to the main story, but I think I?ll introduce him in a whole different manner later.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
