The Appointment
Liliana interviews with Dr. Rivers20 total reviews
Comment from kmoss
I enjoyed the third part of Discarded Treasures. I really like how you began the first part of the story with the excitement of her being lost as she was she making her way to GA, then the flash back with her mom, which really helped build her character and now part three is back to her mission.
I can't wait to see what happens next!
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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I enjoyed the third part of Discarded Treasures. I really like how you began the first part of the story with the excitement of her being lost as she was she making her way to GA, then the flash back with her mom, which really helped build her character and now part three is back to her mission.
I can't wait to see what happens next!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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Again, thanks so much for going back to past posts. It is much appreciated!
Comment from w.j.debi
It looks like Liliana has quite a challenge ahead of her. Dr. Rivers sounds like a creative and caring soul. I like that he wants to give everyone an opportunity to contribute. I look forward to more.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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It looks like Liliana has quite a challenge ahead of her. Dr. Rivers sounds like a creative and caring soul. I like that he wants to give everyone an opportunity to contribute. I look forward to more.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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Thank you for your wonderful review and supportive comments.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mastery
Hi Rhonda. This chapter is very interesting to say the least. Your gift for using imagery is confounding, like here:
"Dr. Rivers wasn't a very tall man, but had a powerfully built physique visible even in business clothes. He had shaggy brown hair, peppered with gray, and piercing gray eyes that seemed to notice everything around him. Last night, he was her rescuer from a storm, but now was all businessman. He leaned forward onto his elbows and rested his chin on tented fingertips." (I can see him)
Also, your dialogue flows very naturally.
Good job all round. Sorry I aam out os sixes already. :) Bob
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Hi Rhonda. This chapter is very interesting to say the least. Your gift for using imagery is confounding, like here:
"Dr. Rivers wasn't a very tall man, but had a powerfully built physique visible even in business clothes. He had shaggy brown hair, peppered with gray, and piercing gray eyes that seemed to notice everything around him. Last night, he was her rescuer from a storm, but now was all businessman. He leaned forward onto his elbows and rested his chin on tented fingertips." (I can see him)
Also, your dialogue flows very naturally.
Good job all round. Sorry I aam out os sixes already. :) Bob
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Aww, thanks for the review, Bob. I?ll take that virtual six in the spirit it was intended.
I?m honored by your remarks about imagery, which is something you are known for yourself.
I appreciate you,
Rhonda
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Bless you Rhonda. :) Bob
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, here goes my last six and your writing so deserves it. The chapter was well written and the dialogue flowed very well. I also like the theme and the whole approach. Looking forward to where this is going. I like Liliana, and her mother. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Hi Rhonda, here goes my last six and your writing so deserves it. The chapter was well written and the dialogue flowed very well. I also like the theme and the whole approach. Looking forward to where this is going. I like Liliana, and her mother. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Thank you for those beautiful six stars, (((Ulla))). Such praise from a writer of your experience is most welcome!! I?ve been working on developing this story for months, and finally felt comfortable enough to launch it. I appreciate your input and support,
Rhonda
Comment from Leann DS
I am finding your story line very intriguing, as I've lost my vision and have been out of work for over 20 years. I am curious to see how this all works out!
When reading this chapter on its own, your characters are well defined and the details are good. I feel like I can put myself in the position of either character. Well done. Hugs.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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I am finding your story line very intriguing, as I've lost my vision and have been out of work for over 20 years. I am curious to see how this all works out!
When reading this chapter on its own, your characters are well defined and the details are good. I feel like I can put myself in the position of either character. Well done. Hugs.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for the review and comments, Leann! I?m glad you were able to relate to the characters. I, actually, have a character who will be brought in from the outside of the school that is visually impaired. I hope to get your insight into her when she arrives.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhoda,
I think you've taken on a challenging concept to match the challenge facing Liliana. Bring together the talent, wisdom and experience that has been discarded and create a school for those in need of "alternate education."
I'm not sure if this is a hospital, clinic, nursing home, or school, or maybe all of them.
I think Liliana has a huge task in front of her and it will be interesting to see how she accomplishes it.
Note: In second para.
piercing gray eyes that seemed to notice[d]
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Hello Rhoda,
I think you've taken on a challenging concept to match the challenge facing Liliana. Bring together the talent, wisdom and experience that has been discarded and create a school for those in need of "alternate education."
I'm not sure if this is a hospital, clinic, nursing home, or school, or maybe all of them.
I think Liliana has a huge task in front of her and it will be interesting to see how she accomplishes it.
Note: In second para.
piercing gray eyes that seemed to notice[d]
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the six shining stars, Robert, and for the time you took to give a detailed review.
Thank you for finding the slag. It?s funny what a person can miss no matter how many times the read!
The nature of the business is still loosely defined at this point. Maybe I should include that question in this chapter so the reader understands Liliana isn?t sure either.
Again, many thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A very good chapter, Rhonda,
that focuses on the interview.
-It is written very well, and
flows smoothly.
-It is a no nonsense approach
but friendly at the same time.
-If I remember right, Liliana
is a little uncertain of her future
and doesn't have high self esteem,
but she is ready for something new.
-I think she got across some of
her concerns and questions very well,
and even brought up his references
to her mother.
-He strikes me as someone who cares
about what he does, and wants
people to feel they have a purpose in life.
-As I write this, he probably feels that
way about Liliana from knowing her mother.
-I thought it was a good sign she
didn't hesitate when saying she would
take a the job.
-A very good chapter.
-One very small thing:[it's smooth texture]
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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-A very good chapter, Rhonda,
that focuses on the interview.
-It is written very well, and
flows smoothly.
-It is a no nonsense approach
but friendly at the same time.
-If I remember right, Liliana
is a little uncertain of her future
and doesn't have high self esteem,
but she is ready for something new.
-I think she got across some of
her concerns and questions very well,
and even brought up his references
to her mother.
-He strikes me as someone who cares
about what he does, and wants
people to feel they have a purpose in life.
-As I write this, he probably feels that
way about Liliana from knowing her mother.
-I thought it was a good sign she
didn't hesitate when saying she would
take a the job.
-A very good chapter.
-One very small thing:[it's smooth texture]
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the wonderful 6 star rating, and I so appreciate the comments. It does help move the story forward. I'll fix the mistake, so thank you on that.
~Yes, there is a family connection with Dr. Rivers, and it will play out as the story progresses.
Again, much thanks for the careful review,
Rhonda
~Spot on with Dr. Rivers' focus.
~Liliana's Fluctuation between being a confident leader type and having some serious self-doubt, will be a theme, and something she strives to overcome.
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. I didn't realize the story was posted although I had the message on Sun.
I appreciate your reply and the input about the characters. I look forward to the next chapter. Dr. Rivers is a very interesting character.
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Actually, the original post I pulled because some of the reviewers felt it changed the tone of the story, which it did. It was a back story on one of the characters that I'll need to hint about when he shows up in the story.
Thanks again for reviewing. I always look forward to your reviews, because I know you will be honest.
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You are welcome, Rhonda. Did you have to write it all over or just go to the next chapter? I enjoy reading your work so it is a pleasure to review:)
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I, actually, just went to the next chapter, which, thank goodness, I had already written, but needed to clean up a bit.
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It was good you could just do that!
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Yeah, I did luck out. Thanks!
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You are welcome😊
Comment from greyson ernst
this is really really good i love this and the picture really makes sense unlike others here and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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this is really really good i love this and the picture really makes sense unlike others here and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Greyson, thank you so much for your read and review. Take care, and stay safe as well,
Rhonda
Comment from Susan Newell
I found this very intriguing. It does need a few little tweaks, thus the four stars. You could improve the first paragraph by using the simple past tense. Rather than "could smell" etc., saying smelled/felt/tasted would sharpen it, showing not only that she could, but that she did.
In the second paragraph you start a sentence with "Last night ..., but begin the follow up with, "but" and end the sentence with "now." To maintain parallelism it might be better to put now right after but.
I believe you meant to say he "posed" his chin on tented fingers.
When speaking of age, there should be hyphens between the number and year (4 places).
When using numbers 1-9, they are generally spelled out in text, and I don't think you need to capitalize octogenarian.
I know this is really editing as opposed to critiquing. But that's good news. You have a great story here, with a wonderful premise and your dialogue is spot on. Keep it up
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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I found this very intriguing. It does need a few little tweaks, thus the four stars. You could improve the first paragraph by using the simple past tense. Rather than "could smell" etc., saying smelled/felt/tasted would sharpen it, showing not only that she could, but that she did.
In the second paragraph you start a sentence with "Last night ..., but begin the follow up with, "but" and end the sentence with "now." To maintain parallelism it might be better to put now right after but.
I believe you meant to say he "posed" his chin on tented fingers.
When speaking of age, there should be hyphens between the number and year (4 places).
When using numbers 1-9, they are generally spelled out in text, and I don't think you need to capitalize octogenarian.
I know this is really editing as opposed to critiquing. But that's good news. You have a great story here, with a wonderful premise and your dialogue is spot on. Keep it up
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Good morning,
I appreciate you taking the time to carefully read and review/edit my work. It's very helpful to have multiple eyes on a post. I have made the suggested edits, and feel it does read better now. If you get the chance, please look it over again and see what you think.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
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Great. I just upgraded to five stars. It really does help to have fresh eyes. I don't think there's a writer alive who couldn't benefit from a good editor, at least once in a while.
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Susan, considering how much I've paid for editors in the past, I couldn't agree more!! I always appreciate honesty when it's constructive, and your was. I appreciate you going back and rereading, and changing the rating.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Check out my new poem -- James Kilpatrick, I Miss You
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I sure will!
Comment from Kristine Laco
Rhonda,
I love the idea!
"it's smooth texture" = its
taste the essence - I see what you are going for here, but I can' picture Liliana tasting the desk. The desk radiated success maybe?
"seemed to noticed" = notice
It is always preferable in writing to write out numbers unless it is dates or times.
Although, overall, the dialogue was good. I found Liliana's voice too formal. She and the Dr had a life-altering experience in the first two chapters. I think they would talk less like an interview and more like friends at this point. Author's choice though. I'd also like to see some movement while they speak. Drink some water, fiddle with a pen, cross legs, smile. Something to indicate their level of comfort in the situation.
Your cast of characters is intriguing. Looks like it will be a fun school :)
Thanks for sharing. I'm looking forward to the next scene.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Rhonda,
I love the idea!
"it's smooth texture" = its
taste the essence - I see what you are going for here, but I can' picture Liliana tasting the desk. The desk radiated success maybe?
"seemed to noticed" = notice
It is always preferable in writing to write out numbers unless it is dates or times.
Although, overall, the dialogue was good. I found Liliana's voice too formal. She and the Dr had a life-altering experience in the first two chapters. I think they would talk less like an interview and more like friends at this point. Author's choice though. I'd also like to see some movement while they speak. Drink some water, fiddle with a pen, cross legs, smile. Something to indicate their level of comfort in the situation.
Your cast of characters is intriguing. Looks like it will be a fun school :)
Thanks for sharing. I'm looking forward to the next scene.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to review my work, and I will consider the changes you suggest.
You're right on the movement suggestions, which is my usual style. I guess I left them out this time without noticing.
They were being formal out of choice because of the situation of the interview. I'll go back in and make that more evident.
The smelling the desk was just a play on words. I'll look at it again and see how I feel about it.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
