The Diet
kids on diet13 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a cute conversation. Since you speak English better than I speak your native language, I will not comment on grammar. I will say, it's not fair that everyone has to go on a diet simply because one kitty eats too much. My tall thin husband shouldn't have to diet because I can't stay away from the icecream.
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This is a cute conversation. Since you speak English better than I speak your native language, I will not comment on grammar. I will say, it's not fair that everyone has to go on a diet simply because one kitty eats too much. My tall thin husband shouldn't have to diet because I can't stay away from the icecream.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
Comment from Bill Schott
This two-hundred-fifty-word short story, The Diet, has the required word count and is quite charming as your accent is present. In a couple instances you extended the quotation marks to include the speaker tag. The corrected lines are below:
"Yes, mom! I have no problem with that," said Leo.
...Vet recommended," said Leo moving his tail in front of Dinu's nose!
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This two-hundred-fifty-word short story, The Diet, has the required word count and is quite charming as your accent is present. In a couple instances you extended the quotation marks to include the speaker tag. The corrected lines are below:
"Yes, mom! I have no problem with that," said Leo.
...Vet recommended," said Leo moving his tail in front of Dinu's nose!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
Comment from Earl Corp
Poor kitty's having to go on a diet, they'll have to get proficient at catching mice for their snacks. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest.
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Poor kitty's having to go on a diet, they'll have to get proficient at catching mice for their snacks. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is a cute story about the little kitties and their mom putting them on a diet. How surprised to find that it was because of him that everyone had to go on a diet. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
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This is a cute story about the little kitties and their mom putting them on a diet. How surprised to find that it was because of him that everyone had to go on a diet. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
Comment from robyn corum
Iza,
This was an interesting piece. There wasn't really a plot to it, per se. It mostly consisted of us listening in on a family squabble. But I also think it's a bit unfair to everybody on a diet because one member of the family must go on one. YUCK. On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for support.
There were a lot of nits, here. I made some notes for you, hoping they might be of some help. As usual, you're welcome to use what you like and toss the rest:
1.) "Yes, (M)om! I have no problem with that, said Leo."
--> move the quote marks
--> this is a direct reference to mom
2.) "You, mother fortune of kitty traitor;
--> it's not life or death, but the opening quote marks are facing the wrong direction (I won't mark more of these, but I saw more through the piece if you want to fix them)
--> but what does this mean?
3.)"But, (M)ommy, I need my snacks, because I am bored!"
4.) "Well, (S)on, I have a cure for that
--> anytime you could substitute a real name in these places you should cap the name. Example - if you could put the name Mark or Sue here, then cap Mom or whatever.
5.) "But (M)om, I like to sleep early."
6.) You(remove space) 'll go to bed at 10 pm instead of 6 pm!"
--> I won't mark anymore but I saw more spacing issues through the piece.
7.) Why can you be like your brother?"
--> Could you say:
--> Why can you be like your Mark?"
--> No - not and make sense - so that stays lowercase.
--> does that help at all?
--> How about this one?
--> "But mom, I like to sleep early."
--> "But Mark, I like to sleep early."
--> yes - so that's why we capped that one a minute ago. I won't mark anymore of these, but you should go through and check the rest
8.) Dinu (sighed) and exclaimed: "Like
9.) Vet recommended, said Leo moving his tail in front of Dinu's nose!"
--> move the quote marks
I hope you'll find this helpful. Please let me know if you decide to edit. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
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Iza,
This was an interesting piece. There wasn't really a plot to it, per se. It mostly consisted of us listening in on a family squabble. But I also think it's a bit unfair to everybody on a diet because one member of the family must go on one. YUCK. On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for support.
There were a lot of nits, here. I made some notes for you, hoping they might be of some help. As usual, you're welcome to use what you like and toss the rest:
1.) "Yes, (M)om! I have no problem with that, said Leo."
--> move the quote marks
--> this is a direct reference to mom
2.) "You, mother fortune of kitty traitor;
--> it's not life or death, but the opening quote marks are facing the wrong direction (I won't mark more of these, but I saw more through the piece if you want to fix them)
--> but what does this mean?
3.)"But, (M)ommy, I need my snacks, because I am bored!"
4.) "Well, (S)on, I have a cure for that
--> anytime you could substitute a real name in these places you should cap the name. Example - if you could put the name Mark or Sue here, then cap Mom or whatever.
5.) "But (M)om, I like to sleep early."
6.) You(remove space) 'll go to bed at 10 pm instead of 6 pm!"
--> I won't mark anymore but I saw more spacing issues through the piece.
7.) Why can you be like your brother?"
--> Could you say:
--> Why can you be like your Mark?"
--> No - not and make sense - so that stays lowercase.
--> does that help at all?
--> How about this one?
--> "But mom, I like to sleep early."
--> "But Mark, I like to sleep early."
--> yes - so that's why we capped that one a minute ago. I won't mark anymore of these, but you should go through and check the rest
8.) Dinu (sighed) and exclaimed: "Like
9.) Vet recommended, said Leo moving his tail in front of Dinu's nose!"
--> move the quote marks
I hope you'll find this helpful. Please let me know if you decide to edit. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
Comment from Raul1
I have found your story funny and hilarious. It tickled my funny bone. Hahaha, I was laughing at the end. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck in the contest! Nice job.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I have found your story funny and hilarious. It tickled my funny bone. Hahaha, I was laughing at the end. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck in the contest! Nice job.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you:)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
LOL I enjoyed reading your contest entry. My vet said one of my boys needed to diet too. He doesn't take to well towards that. Cats seem to have a mind of their own and aren't concerned about another person/pets point of view. LOL Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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LOL I enjoyed reading your contest entry. My vet said one of my boys needed to diet too. He doesn't take to well towards that. Cats seem to have a mind of their own and aren't concerned about another person/pets point of view. LOL Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you, and cats are hard to control because they nibble when they feel like.
Comment from Mastery
Clever and cute entry here, Iza. Who would ever think of a diet with cats? That is what makes it so unique and it will probably catch the eye of the contest committee and you may win!
Bless you. Good Luck. Bob
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Clever and cute entry here, Iza. Who would ever think of a diet with cats? That is what makes it so unique and it will probably catch the eye of the contest committee and you may win!
Bless you. Good Luck. Bob
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Mr. Bob, and it's true my boys needs to be on diet so I am on diet too:) My boys the two fake Bengali cats that I have:)
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Here kitty kitty. LOL
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You are so funny Mr. Bob:)
Comment from kmoss
Ha. The get actually told me this same thing about my dog. She's not taking dieting well.
Corrections need made: no more eating at 2 a,m, and the other (should be 2 am)
And
Roosters is the correct spelling.
Thanks for the giggle!
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Ha. The get actually told me this same thing about my dog. She's not taking dieting well.
Corrections need made: no more eating at 2 a,m, and the other (should be 2 am)
And
Roosters is the correct spelling.
Thanks for the giggle!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your great review and the corrections.
Comment from Begin Again
-Listen up, crew, starting with today no more midnight snacking, and Dinu no more eating at 2 a,m, and the other a.m.'s. We are all on diet!
1. "Listen up, 2 a.m. on a diet!"
_Yes, mom! I have no problem with that, said Leo.
2. "Yes with that"
_ You mother fortune of kitty traitor; speak for yourself!
3. "You yourself!"
_ Dinu, language, please!
4. "Dinu please!"
_But, mommy, I need my snacks, because I am bored.
5. "But bored."
_Well, son, I have a cure for that too! No more sleeping with the chickens and waking up with the rosters. You will go to bed at 10 pm instead of 6!
6. "Well roosters 6!"
_ But mom, I like to sleep early.
7. "But early."
_ You do? What the heck Dinu, we live in apartment, there are no cattle to attend! Why can you be like your brother?
8. "You brother?"
Dinu turned around and hissed at his brother: You, mommy's boy!
9. brother, "You, mommy's boy!"
_ Boys, do we have an agreement?
10. "Boys agreement?"
Dinu sighted and exclaimed: Like we have a choice. You are the master of the universe, and I am not big enough to burglar for my food!
10. Dinu sighed exclaimed, "Like my food!"
_ I know, you are too posh for that type of food! You prefer the sterile one, that comes from a can, Vet recommended, said Leo moving his tail in front of Dinu's nose!
11. "I know vet recommended," Leo, moving his tail
_ Man you stink, go and wash your tail! Mom, why have you so suddenly decided to put all of us on diet? Coronella?
12. "Man, you stink Coronella?"
_ No, Dinu, the vet said that you are too chubby for your age, so we diet, now, because of you!
13. "No, Dinu because of you!"
I'm not sure why you used - in place of " for conversation. If you have a reason, I apologize.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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-Listen up, crew, starting with today no more midnight snacking, and Dinu no more eating at 2 a,m, and the other a.m.'s. We are all on diet!
1. "Listen up, 2 a.m. on a diet!"
_Yes, mom! I have no problem with that, said Leo.
2. "Yes with that"
_ You mother fortune of kitty traitor; speak for yourself!
3. "You yourself!"
_ Dinu, language, please!
4. "Dinu please!"
_But, mommy, I need my snacks, because I am bored.
5. "But bored."
_Well, son, I have a cure for that too! No more sleeping with the chickens and waking up with the rosters. You will go to bed at 10 pm instead of 6!
6. "Well roosters 6!"
_ But mom, I like to sleep early.
7. "But early."
_ You do? What the heck Dinu, we live in apartment, there are no cattle to attend! Why can you be like your brother?
8. "You brother?"
Dinu turned around and hissed at his brother: You, mommy's boy!
9. brother, "You, mommy's boy!"
_ Boys, do we have an agreement?
10. "Boys agreement?"
Dinu sighted and exclaimed: Like we have a choice. You are the master of the universe, and I am not big enough to burglar for my food!
10. Dinu sighed exclaimed, "Like my food!"
_ I know, you are too posh for that type of food! You prefer the sterile one, that comes from a can, Vet recommended, said Leo moving his tail in front of Dinu's nose!
11. "I know vet recommended," Leo, moving his tail
_ Man you stink, go and wash your tail! Mom, why have you so suddenly decided to put all of us on diet? Coronella?
12. "Man, you stink Coronella?"
_ No, Dinu, the vet said that you are too chubby for your age, so we diet, now, because of you!
13. "No, Dinu because of you!"
I'm not sure why you used - in place of " for conversation. If you have a reason, I apologize.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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The lines are dialogue lines, that is how we represents when someone speaks, in Romanian. Thank you for your review.
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Thank you for informing me of the difference. I only know the "hello" for dialogue, but appreciate the lesson. Have a good day!
