The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Listen to the Wind"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
17 total reviews
Comment from Lance S. Loria
An engaging chapter. I have not had the pleasure of reading the earlier chapters but it was easy to pick up this one and read it. The story line was flowing and kept my interest. Towards the end it was suspenseful. A very good chapter. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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An engaging chapter. I have not had the pleasure of reading the earlier chapters but it was easy to pick up this one and read it. The story line was flowing and kept my interest. Towards the end it was suspenseful. A very good chapter. Keep writing.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thanks!
Comment from greyson ernst
i seen you been here since 2010 but i have not seen your writing at all but anyways nice picture nice story and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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i seen you been here since 2010 but i have not seen your writing at all but anyways nice picture nice story and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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So appreciate meeting new souls. I took time off from fanstory in-between. I used to post plenty from 2010-2014. Thanks for stopping by.
Comment from Susan Larson
I must admit you had me hooked all the way. Your descriptions are superb and the story flows so seamlessly from scene to scene. As you described this cave, I could see your story in every word. I assume this is a chapter in a book? I'll look for more.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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I must admit you had me hooked all the way. Your descriptions are superb and the story flows so seamlessly from scene to scene. As you described this cave, I could see your story in every word. I assume this is a chapter in a book? I'll look for more.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thanks so much. Your encouraging words mean a great deal to me. Humbly grateful.
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is an action packed chapter. You've done a good job of creating anxiety in the reader, feeling for the protagonist and hoping she and Little Deer make it out ok.
While a pleasure to read, I would have liked a bit more context. Perhaps a bit more detail on what led these characters to the cave and who might be chasing them. Perhaps even a list of characters.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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This is an action packed chapter. You've done a good job of creating anxiety in the reader, feeling for the protagonist and hoping she and Little Deer make it out ok.
While a pleasure to read, I would have liked a bit more context. Perhaps a bit more detail on what led these characters to the cave and who might be chasing them. Perhaps even a list of characters.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thanks, I need to list the characters. Appreciate that mention. If you get a chance to go back a few chapters, I would be grateful to know how it fits in.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Oh, my! Suspense and anticipation and fear all together! Will Jane and Little Deer get to the end of the cave without being discovered, or will it be someone who is a friend instead of a foe? So now I really, really want to find out who was holding that light/torch.
Little suggestions:
We stumbled into each other at a place where there was a hole no bigger than a bears den.
Make bears den possessive: a bear's den
I crouched beside her setting my torch to hers.
Insert a comma after I crouched beside her
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Oh, my! Suspense and anticipation and fear all together! Will Jane and Little Deer get to the end of the cave without being discovered, or will it be someone who is a friend instead of a foe? So now I really, really want to find out who was holding that light/torch.
Little suggestions:
We stumbled into each other at a place where there was a hole no bigger than a bears den.
Make bears den possessive: a bear's den
I crouched beside her setting my torch to hers.
Insert a comma after I crouched beside her
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thanks Crystie!!!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Stan.
Your technique of describing the feelings in the cave came through loud and clear. Certainly the darkness is the most oppressive thing. And you combined the darkness with the fear of what was ahead.
Your phrase the "ink of darkness." It's an outstanding description of what it's like to be in the bowels of a cave.
The last paragraph places a question in the mind of the reader and appears to signal and ominous event occurring.
Nicely written.
Robert
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Hello Stan.
Your technique of describing the feelings in the cave came through loud and clear. Certainly the darkness is the most oppressive thing. And you combined the darkness with the fear of what was ahead.
Your phrase the "ink of darkness." It's an outstanding description of what it's like to be in the bowels of a cave.
The last paragraph places a question in the mind of the reader and appears to signal and ominous event occurring.
Nicely written.
Robert
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thanks Robert. I appreciate how you took the time to review and explore the writing.
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You're welcome Stan.
Comment from estory
I think its pretty good suspense writing. The journey through the cave, in the dark, feeling your way along almost by some magic Indian spiritualism, keeps the heart pounding. There is the chase, the people coming for you. the heart beats quicker. You have only one thought, escape. And it seems to elude. We are hanging on the edge of our seats in this one. estory
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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I think its pretty good suspense writing. The journey through the cave, in the dark, feeling your way along almost by some magic Indian spiritualism, keeps the heart pounding. There is the chase, the people coming for you. the heart beats quicker. You have only one thought, escape. And it seems to elude. We are hanging on the edge of our seats in this one. estory
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thanks! It means so much to hear from a voice I haven't met before.
Comment from royowen
Well done, this was a very exciting episode My friend. You've painted a picture of pursuit, even though they are in a remote cave, that would have had some sort of human habitation, they have spotted a pursuer(s), but might have to dispose of them, well done, great episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Well done, this was a very exciting episode My friend. You've painted a picture of pursuit, even though they are in a remote cave, that would have had some sort of human habitation, they have spotted a pursuer(s), but might have to dispose of them, well done, great episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thanks so much, my friend.
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Welcome
Comment from Mistydawn
This is so much better than last week's post. It's very well-written, interesting, suspenseful from start to finish. You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time, hoping the girls can escape. Your characters, their thoughts, action, and dialogue seem realistic, really brings them to life. I do hope the two will be alright. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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This is so much better than last week's post. It's very well-written, interesting, suspenseful from start to finish. You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time, hoping the girls can escape. Your characters, their thoughts, action, and dialogue seem realistic, really brings them to life. I do hope the two will be alright. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thanks again, Misty
Comment from Sally Law
As always, a suspenseful chapter. You did a marvelous job describing the escape scene down to the smallest detail. The wind on Little Deer's face and stumbling into each other in the dark. Great stuff!
A few improvements for you to consider. Both of these are in my book of writer's tips which if forthcoming in number four. (I've just finished with number three and hope to post it soon.)
"Behind us was a wall of darkness, but it meant no one followed." (Combine these two sentences into one for flow and impact.) Once you do this and read it again, you'll see what I mean. :)
"She" is used quiet liberally here. I notice this because my copy-editor has revised my work and schooled me in the over usage of pronouns. It is my greatest writing flaw... that, and the semicolon. Now you know. Keep my secret.... :)
I hope this is helpful, dear. Another fine chapter for your book.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal :)) xo
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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As always, a suspenseful chapter. You did a marvelous job describing the escape scene down to the smallest detail. The wind on Little Deer's face and stumbling into each other in the dark. Great stuff!
A few improvements for you to consider. Both of these are in my book of writer's tips which if forthcoming in number four. (I've just finished with number three and hope to post it soon.)
"Behind us was a wall of darkness, but it meant no one followed." (Combine these two sentences into one for flow and impact.) Once you do this and read it again, you'll see what I mean. :)
"She" is used quiet liberally here. I notice this because my copy-editor has revised my work and schooled me in the over usage of pronouns. It is my greatest writing flaw... that, and the semicolon. Now you know. Keep my secret.... :)
I hope this is helpful, dear. Another fine chapter for your book.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal :)) xo
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Yes. I reverted back to my old habits here. Will do. Blessings ahead.
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No worries. I'm rooting for you and a forever fan. Sal :))
