For Children
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Have You Seen My Mummy"Little stories for children in rhyme
58 total reviews
Comment from Quiet Guy
I Love this so much, I could honestly see this being in a book and being read in classrooms all over the world. You did an exceptional job and I can only hope that kids will be able to read this, I'm grown and I enjoyed it lol thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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I Love this so much, I could honestly see this being in a book and being read in classrooms all over the world. You did an exceptional job and I can only hope that kids will be able to read this, I'm grown and I enjoyed it lol thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
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Aw thank you! Yes it will be turned into a picture book. I want to write a few more for that age group and put them together. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Thank you for the lovely six, and for going into my portfolio to find it. I really appreciated your comments. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Sandra,
Congratulations on winning the contest. With all the artwork, it was like reading a children's book. I could see this being published with a bit of tweaking.
Here are a few suggestions,
verse 1,
So with a little wiggle he jiggled to the ground.
(So with a wiggle and a jiggle, he wriggled to the ground.)
verse 2,
And went across and said to her, "Could you help me, please?
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The ladybird, said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(He walked across and said to her, "Could you help me, please?
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The ladybird said, "Sorry, sport! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 3,
And went across and said to him, "I am very sad,
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The little frog said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(And swam across and said to him, "I am very sad.
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The little frog said, "Sorry, chum! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 4,
He went across and said to one, "Could you help me, please?
I can't find my mummy, do you know where she might be?"
The buzzing bee said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(He crawled across and said to one, "Could you help me, please?
I cannot find my mummy, do you know where she might be?"
The buzzing bee said, "Sorry, Bud! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 5,
Casper saw a pretty snail cleaning out her home,
He went across and said to her, "I am all alone.
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The pretty snail said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(Then Casper saw a slimy snail cleaning out her home,
He marched across and said to her, "I am all alone.
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The slimy snail said, "Sorry, pal! She hasn't been past me.")
verse 6,
Then Casper spied a spider, spinning cobwebs on the trees,
He went across and said to him, "Can you help me, please?
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
But the spider said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(Then Casper eyed a spider, spinning cobwebs in the trees,
He ran across and said to him, "Can you help me, please?
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The busy bug said, "Sorry, friend! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 7,
"I can't stop because I've got to find my mum today.
I've asked many creatures, do you know where she might be?
("I cannot stop because I've got to find my mum today.
I've asked so many creatures, do you know where she might be? )
verse8,
When he wakes, he'll be surprised, and wonder what he is!
(When he awakes, he'll be surprised, and wonder what he is!)
verse 9,
Came and shouted really loud, "Yes, she has been past me!"
( Came and shouted really loud, "She just flew right past me!" )
*************************************************************
Now, of course, these are just my ideas, Sandra. An editor might take your poem just as you wrote it. But I only offer my suggestions to help. I love your poem! I know the kids would, too. The repeated lines are very effective. The poem teaches them about the usual bugs that can be found around the yard. And you teach how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, once a crawler and now a flyer!
Well done. Take it to the next level.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Hi Sandra,
Congratulations on winning the contest. With all the artwork, it was like reading a children's book. I could see this being published with a bit of tweaking.
Here are a few suggestions,
verse 1,
So with a little wiggle he jiggled to the ground.
(So with a wiggle and a jiggle, he wriggled to the ground.)
verse 2,
And went across and said to her, "Could you help me, please?
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The ladybird, said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(He walked across and said to her, "Could you help me, please?
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The ladybird said, "Sorry, sport! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 3,
And went across and said to him, "I am very sad,
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The little frog said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(And swam across and said to him, "I am very sad.
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The little frog said, "Sorry, chum! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 4,
He went across and said to one, "Could you help me, please?
I can't find my mummy, do you know where she might be?"
The buzzing bee said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(He crawled across and said to one, "Could you help me, please?
I cannot find my mummy, do you know where she might be?"
The buzzing bee said, "Sorry, Bud! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 5,
Casper saw a pretty snail cleaning out her home,
He went across and said to her, "I am all alone.
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The pretty snail said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(Then Casper saw a slimy snail cleaning out her home,
He marched across and said to her, "I am all alone.
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The slimy snail said, "Sorry, pal! She hasn't been past me.")
verse 6,
Then Casper spied a spider, spinning cobwebs on the trees,
He went across and said to him, "Can you help me, please?
I can't find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
But the spider said, "Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
(Then Casper eyed a spider, spinning cobwebs in the trees,
He ran across and said to him, "Can you help me, please?
I cannot find my mummy; do you know where she might be?"
The busy bug said, "Sorry, friend! She hasn't been past me." )
verse 7,
"I can't stop because I've got to find my mum today.
I've asked many creatures, do you know where she might be?
("I cannot stop because I've got to find my mum today.
I've asked so many creatures, do you know where she might be? )
verse8,
When he wakes, he'll be surprised, and wonder what he is!
(When he awakes, he'll be surprised, and wonder what he is!)
verse 9,
Came and shouted really loud, "Yes, she has been past me!"
( Came and shouted really loud, "She just flew right past me!" )
*************************************************************
Now, of course, these are just my ideas, Sandra. An editor might take your poem just as you wrote it. But I only offer my suggestions to help. I love your poem! I know the kids would, too. The repeated lines are very effective. The poem teaches them about the usual bugs that can be found around the yard. And you teach how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, once a crawler and now a flyer!
Well done. Take it to the next level.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Aw, Kimbob, thank you so much for all this, I'm going to go through the whole poem and work with your ideas. I can see what you are saying and I'm just delighted that you think it's almost good enough to publish. So many have said that, so I will do as you suggest and give it that polish. Thank you for the lovely six stars, you have really brightened my day. Thank you. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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You're most welcome, Sandra!
Comment from rjuselius
This definately deserves the win of the contest dear Sandra! I wish I had six stars left!
It is a light-hearted piece, which all children should like because even I find it funny and quirky with a lot going on.
Thank you for sharing a laughter!
Blessings and a humongous hug-it-out hug from!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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This definately deserves the win of the contest dear Sandra! I wish I had six stars left!
It is a light-hearted piece, which all children should like because even I find it funny and quirky with a lot going on.
Thank you for sharing a laughter!
Blessings and a humongous hug-it-out hug from!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Hi Rebekka, thank you so much for this lovely review, I'm delighted you enjoyed reading this one. I'm going to write some more and do a pre-school childrens book. At least, I'm going to try. I've had so many encouraging reviews, so I thought I'd have a go. Your review made my mind up!! Thank you my dear friend. Warmest hugs. Love Sandra x
Comment from Leann DS
Adorable! Children will enjoy this poem as it is relatable. Who hasn't wondered where their mom has gone? And they also get to learn a little about caterpillars and butterflies. Brilliant! Hugs.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Adorable! Children will enjoy this poem as it is relatable. Who hasn't wondered where their mom has gone? And they also get to learn a little about caterpillars and butterflies. Brilliant! Hugs.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Leann, for this lovely review. I'm delighted you enjoyed it. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Begin Again
Beautiful and set so perfectly for a child to enjoy and understand. Your writing is fun; yet gives us a lesson too. Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. Smiles to you!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Beautiful and set so perfectly for a child to enjoy and understand. Your writing is fun; yet gives us a lesson too. Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. Smiles to you!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Begin Again, for such a nice review. I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it. Warm hugs. Sandra x
Comment from jenintorre
Congratulations on your win. It is so well deserved. This is an absolutely delightful children's poem. I love the illustrations and presenfation. Just lovely. Best wishes. Jen
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Congratulations on your win. It is so well deserved. This is an absolutely delightful children's poem. I love the illustrations and presenfation. Just lovely. Best wishes. Jen
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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AW, thank you for the six stars, and the congratulations, Jen, that is so nice of you. I'm so pleased you liked my children's poem. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
I am just so glad Casper didn't get eaten by the frog. =] This is very cute! You always write such fun poems for children. Congrats on winning the contest. Really fun and well done. I made a little poem. =]
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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I am just so glad Casper didn't get eaten by the frog. =] This is very cute! You always write such fun poems for children. Congrats on winning the contest. Really fun and well done. I made a little poem. =]
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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LOL, eaten by the frog, I never thought of that! But, my creatures are always nice to each other. Thank you so much for this lovely review, Rox. I've just read your poem, it's amazing, and gave me a chuckle. This poem managed to get all the way up to #19 it will drop down soon. I think it's about enjoying what you write, and having a bit of fun. Thank you again, my wonderful friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Wils
A much deserved contest winner. I can imagine this poem as a children's book, it has a beautiful flow that makes it easy and very enjoyable to read.
Geoff
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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A much deserved contest winner. I can imagine this poem as a children's book, it has a beautiful flow that makes it easy and very enjoyable to read.
Geoff
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Thank you! I'm delighted you enjoyed reading my poem, and yes, it was such a nice surprise to wake up and see it had won. Thank you so much for the lovely sixth star, I really appreciate that. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from BethShelby
This is an adorable children's story in poem. The picture are precious. I don't how to get pictures into the middle of a poem like that. I hope you are going to publish this in a book. It reminds me of a book I read my kiids I read to my kids when there were little a bout a bird that lost it's mother.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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This is an adorable children's story in poem. The picture are precious. I don't how to get pictures into the middle of a poem like that. I hope you are going to publish this in a book. It reminds me of a book I read my kiids I read to my kids when there were little a bout a bird that lost it's mother.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Beth, for your really lovely review. I hadn't planned to publish, but I will now with a few more kiddies poems to go with it. I'm so pleased you enjoyed reading it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Congratulations! Easy to see why this marvelous children's poem won the contest!
I can see and hear the young ones repeating the last line:
"Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
Wonderful rhymes and pictures, this is ready for a book.
Sorry! I'm out of sixes. So a virtual six it must be.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Hello Sandra,
Congratulations! Easy to see why this marvelous children's poem won the contest!
I can see and hear the young ones repeating the last line:
"Sorry! She hasn't been past me."
Wonderful rhymes and pictures, this is ready for a book.
Sorry! I'm out of sixes. So a virtual six it must be.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Robert, for this lovely review. I'm going to make up a collection of poems for this age group, and also another one for Flossie Flitch and her dragon. I think she deserves a book on her own, too. :)) I'll leave them for my great grandchildren when they arrive sometime in the future. :) Your virtual six is lovely, but your review is so much nicer. Warm hugs, dear friend. :))
