Petals in the Rain
A Haibun for the Love Poem contest12 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, anonymous,
Great entry for the Love Poem writing prompt contest. Good form. You followed the rules...wrote a love poem without using the words love, kiss, romance, soul,heart, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband wife or sexual terms.
I voted for your haibun. I love Japanese poetry, I write two a day...I would post more if I could. Good haibun form.
Good luck in the contest.
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Hello, anonymous,
Great entry for the Love Poem writing prompt contest. Good form. You followed the rules...wrote a love poem without using the words love, kiss, romance, soul,heart, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband wife or sexual terms.
I voted for your haibun. I love Japanese poetry, I write two a day...I would post more if I could. Good haibun form.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2021
Comment from Wendy G
That is an interesting and unusual poetic form, and it works well on this theme. The Japanese style of poetry is reinforced by the lovely image. Good wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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That is an interesting and unusual poetic form, and it works well on this theme. The Japanese style of poetry is reinforced by the lovely image. Good wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Thank you!
Comment from equestrik
I enjoyed this creative write for the contest. Your haibun poem is really powerful in the telling of this love. Very nice write and i wish you the best for the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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I enjoyed this creative write for the contest. Your haibun poem is really powerful in the telling of this love. Very nice write and i wish you the best for the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your positive and insightul comments!
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a nicely written love poem without using the specific words for the prompt. Very well done. Beautiful photo to go with your words. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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This is a nicely written love poem without using the specific words for the prompt. Very well done. Beautiful photo to go with your words. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Thank you!
Comment from Gloria ....
Author, it has been a while since I've read a haibun and what a treat it is! Your prose is crisp, and filled with imagery. And the haiku ending, expands on the theme of the missing one who is oh so loved.
Great job and I wish you much luck with the voters. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Author, it has been a while since I've read a haibun and what a treat it is! Your prose is crisp, and filled with imagery. And the haiku ending, expands on the theme of the missing one who is oh so loved.
Great job and I wish you much luck with the voters. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your lovely review! I?m afraid not all readers can understand or appreciate a haibun. One reviewer thought I had left the prose part in by mistake...guess she missed the notes.
Comment from zanya
It's a superb example of the Haibun, with pithy, succinct language conveying the wistful sense of and mourning for a lover now lost - the visual is an excellent accompaniment.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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It's a superb example of the Haibun, with pithy, succinct language conveying the wistful sense of and mourning for a lover now lost - the visual is an excellent accompaniment.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for your positive feedback. Not sure if readers will like this format - but I thought I'd try it or the contest.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
I have such respect for people who are able to write such
beautiful haibuns. I would do well to get either part of it
correct, much less tying them together. good luck in the
contest.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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I have such respect for people who are able to write such
beautiful haibuns. I would do well to get either part of it
correct, much less tying them together. good luck in the
contest.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for your kind comments.
Comment from kmoss
Is the bolder font on the bottom part intentional? I find it too distracting. My eyes were drew to the bottom first. This poem paints a picture of sadness, grieving for an old lover or perhaps one that has passed on. Good luck in the contest.
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Is the bolder font on the bottom part intentional? I find it too distracting. My eyes were drew to the bottom first. This poem paints a picture of sadness, grieving for an old lover or perhaps one that has passed on. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your use of literary techniques will draw the reader in. You have used lovely metaphors. This could be a cautionary tale. The reader who has never seen a cherry blossom will be compelled to research their images. Well expressed.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Your use of literary techniques will draw the reader in. You have used lovely metaphors. This could be a cautionary tale. The reader who has never seen a cherry blossom will be compelled to research their images. Well expressed.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Thank you for sharing your insightful comments!
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you're welcome
Comment from RodG
A classic haiku in the Japanese tradition.
The Speaker is sad (the tears) and seeing cherry blossoms (allusion to early spring) has awakened memories.
But how do memories "awaken" like blossoms? Your simile does not work for me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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A classic haiku in the Japanese tradition.
The Speaker is sad (the tears) and seeing cherry blossoms (allusion to early spring) has awakened memories.
But how do memories "awaken" like blossoms? Your simile does not work for me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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OK. Honestly speaking - this was a haibun that a previous reviewer said did not qualify as a haibun. So. I removed the prose part and am in the process of revising it. That had the reference to cherry blossoms. The haiku part was the conclusion. I am disabling this poem for now until I finish revising the entire piece- at which timeI hope you will change your rating of four stars.
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I appreciate your honesty and will look for the revision.
