The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "White Slave"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
8 total reviews
Comment from Alaskastory
"White Slave" builds fascinating and fearful times for Jane. The Little Deer girl adds promise for her and gives hope for this story. You have created some unusual tales in a good way.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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"White Slave" builds fascinating and fearful times for Jane. The Little Deer girl adds promise for her and gives hope for this story. You have created some unusual tales in a good way.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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I forgot to thank you for this one, Marie. I hope you are staying safe and healthy. If you are in Alaska, then I suppose you are easily able to social distance.
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
Oh, yeah. That's a great name! There's so much meaning in it AND it could inspire her to think of bigger, stronger things in times of trouble.
Nice chapter - only a few notes, if I may?
1.) or to catch a glimpse of Stomping Bull(')s sadistic grin.
2.) Stomping Bull was never (far?) from us.
3.) errand, I dropped a vat of water, spilling it at Stomping Bull(')s feet.
4.) Then I was given a new task to find wood to burn for a large evening fire.
--> Then I was given (the) new task (of finding) wood to burn for a large evening fire.
5.) because I knew prayers for her own freedom have gone unanswered into
--> because I knew (her own) prayers for freedom (had) gone unanswered into
6.) She hesitated. (")I'm not exactly sure. I've heard stories.
7.) Some have felt the brush of fresh air and a (breath) of wind from within.
8.) Their family sought refuge in our home because we were Indians. We tried to hide them, but it was no use."
--> sorry, this part didn't make sense to me. Couldn't understand. If SB had possession of those things, it would seem that he was the one who committed those acts, right? How did she expect to offer them safety in an Indian Village? Need more
9.) "Chief Spotted Tale spoke in his Sioux language.
--> no quote mark yet
10.) "The chief says you will go with the Arapaho by dawn(')s light.
Still worth that five. Thanks!
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Stan,
Oh, yeah. That's a great name! There's so much meaning in it AND it could inspire her to think of bigger, stronger things in times of trouble.
Nice chapter - only a few notes, if I may?
1.) or to catch a glimpse of Stomping Bull(')s sadistic grin.
2.) Stomping Bull was never (far?) from us.
3.) errand, I dropped a vat of water, spilling it at Stomping Bull(')s feet.
4.) Then I was given a new task to find wood to burn for a large evening fire.
--> Then I was given (the) new task (of finding) wood to burn for a large evening fire.
5.) because I knew prayers for her own freedom have gone unanswered into
--> because I knew (her own) prayers for freedom (had) gone unanswered into
6.) She hesitated. (")I'm not exactly sure. I've heard stories.
7.) Some have felt the brush of fresh air and a (breath) of wind from within.
8.) Their family sought refuge in our home because we were Indians. We tried to hide them, but it was no use."
--> sorry, this part didn't make sense to me. Couldn't understand. If SB had possession of those things, it would seem that he was the one who committed those acts, right? How did she expect to offer them safety in an Indian Village? Need more
9.) "Chief Spotted Tale spoke in his Sioux language.
--> no quote mark yet
10.) "The chief says you will go with the Arapaho by dawn(')s light.
Still worth that five. Thanks!
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
Comment from Mastery
Hi Stan. I feel bummed because it is only Monday and I have used all of my sixes up on reading all the posts from the weekend. I think this chapter of yours deserves one for sure and I owe you one.
This opening paragraph for instance is smooth and yet very powerful with imagery.
"Stomping Bull laid beside me in the tepee, sleeping off a bender from a cache of whiskey in a former raid. I dared not move a muscle, afraid he would awake and have his way with me. I endured the smell of his sweat and his snoring, praying for the sunrise."
One can easily picture that.
Also here: " He would sit out in the rain at night in front of their tepee, even in a drenching rain. At first, I rejected him. I told him he was crazy. Indian or white men are both alike and lose their minds for love. But I knew there was no choice in the end. I knew he would not beat me like others do."
Your writing does not receive enough credit, my friend. It is very good. Bob
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Hi Stan. I feel bummed because it is only Monday and I have used all of my sixes up on reading all the posts from the weekend. I think this chapter of yours deserves one for sure and I owe you one.
This opening paragraph for instance is smooth and yet very powerful with imagery.
"Stomping Bull laid beside me in the tepee, sleeping off a bender from a cache of whiskey in a former raid. I dared not move a muscle, afraid he would awake and have his way with me. I endured the smell of his sweat and his snoring, praying for the sunrise."
One can easily picture that.
Also here: " He would sit out in the rain at night in front of their tepee, even in a drenching rain. At first, I rejected him. I told him he was crazy. Indian or white men are both alike and lose their minds for love. But I knew there was no choice in the end. I knew he would not beat me like others do."
Your writing does not receive enough credit, my friend. It is very good. Bob
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Thanks, Bob. You've cured me of my acute writing depression.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a grand story told with much flair. Both Jane and Little Deer are two strong women with guts. There is friction between the worlds of whites and Indians which is well pictured here. Well written!
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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This is a grand story told with much flair. Both Jane and Little Deer are two strong women with guts. There is friction between the worlds of whites and Indians which is well pictured here. Well written!
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Thanks, Rebecca. I only hope I can keep up with your stellar work.
Comment from BethShelby
You are doing an excellent job with this story and I feel like I know the characters. The dialogue sounds natural. The treatment has been cruel but she is strong, I'm glad she is going ot try to escape. I'm looking forward to seeing how that goes.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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You are doing an excellent job with this story and I feel like I know the characters. The dialogue sounds natural. The treatment has been cruel but she is strong, I'm glad she is going ot try to escape. I'm looking forward to seeing how that goes.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Thanks Beth.
Comment from Ben Colder
You bring it home to the day of captivity. I noticed Spotted Tail appears in your write. Sounds like him. Hard to say which was the biggest crook him or Red Cloud. Red Cloud sold the Black Hills for 6 million dollars but the tribes never got a cent until Trump took office so I am told. Don't bet the farm on it.
Excellent write.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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You bring it home to the day of captivity. I noticed Spotted Tail appears in your write. Sounds like him. Hard to say which was the biggest crook him or Red Cloud. Red Cloud sold the Black Hills for 6 million dollars but the tribes never got a cent until Trump took office so I am told. Don't bet the farm on it.
Excellent write.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Thanks again, Bro.
Comment from Mistydawn
You painted a horrific picture in the reader's mind. You let the reader feel how frightened the poor woman must be. Yet you showed us how courageous she is, how she hasn't given up hope. I do hope they'll be able to get out of there safely. Your story is well-written, interesting, great description. I could easily picture it in my mind. I did find one small thing you might want to look at. Stomping Bull was never from us. Other than that, great job.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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You painted a horrific picture in the reader's mind. You let the reader feel how frightened the poor woman must be. Yet you showed us how courageous she is, how she hasn't given up hope. I do hope they'll be able to get out of there safely. Your story is well-written, interesting, great description. I could easily picture it in my mind. I did find one small thing you might want to look at. Stomping Bull was never from us. Other than that, great job.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Thanks again, Misty.
Comment from royowen
Jane has come before the council, and they've renamed Jane, Strong Branch, an Little deer has decided that the best time to escape That same nigh, otherwise Jane will be gone and too late. Well done, my friend, good scribing, blessings Roy
Typo : Stomping bull(') sadistic grin : Typo : Stomping bull was never (far) from us.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Jane has come before the council, and they've renamed Jane, Strong Branch, an Little deer has decided that the best time to escape That same nigh, otherwise Jane will be gone and too late. Well done, my friend, good scribing, blessings Roy
Typo : Stomping bull(') sadistic grin : Typo : Stomping bull was never (far) from us.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Thanks brother!
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