Discarded Treasures
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Motivation for Change"Deep in Georgia sits a house with unusual treasure
22 total reviews
Comment from kmoss
I try to repay reviews, and when I checked your portfolio, I remembered reading part one of the story, so here I am reading the other two parts.
I really like this part:Liliana shook her head and turned to face her only living parent. She could see her mother's familiar smile and smell the scent of her favorite perfume, Fame. These images eased Liliana's angst.
I like this line: Liliana smiled with indulgence born of habit.
Have you seen the Netflix show called Virgin River? It has a similar beginning.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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I try to repay reviews, and when I checked your portfolio, I remembered reading part one of the story, so here I am reading the other two parts.
I really like this part:Liliana shook her head and turned to face her only living parent. She could see her mother's familiar smile and smell the scent of her favorite perfume, Fame. These images eased Liliana's angst.
I like this line: Liliana smiled with indulgence born of habit.
Have you seen the Netflix show called Virgin River? It has a similar beginning.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2021
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Thank you for going back and rereading. Continuity in reviews is ever so helpful!! I'm still working on the next chapter. We have a new baby in the home (grandchild), and I seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time with her, haha.
No, I've never seen the movie, but I'll have to check it out, thanks for making the connection.
Take care, and many thanks again,
Rhonda
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Sounds fun! :)
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Yes, and tiring, lol.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
I'm a bit behind, as usual, but I'm glad I got to your chapter,
which draws the reader in quickly with interesting characters.
Reminded be a bit of someone called Archie who crashed his car
and wound up in a humanity project. :)
But Doctor Rivers seems quite normal. Is there some connection with Liliana
being dragged out of a flooded river and his name?
I like the dialogue between Liliana and her mamma/mom.
I think you'll be right in your element of southern culture.
Well done.
Six Texas stars.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Hello Rhonda,
I'm a bit behind, as usual, but I'm glad I got to your chapter,
which draws the reader in quickly with interesting characters.
Reminded be a bit of someone called Archie who crashed his car
and wound up in a humanity project. :)
But Doctor Rivers seems quite normal. Is there some connection with Liliana
being dragged out of a flooded river and his name?
I like the dialogue between Liliana and her mamma/mom.
I think you'll be right in your element of southern culture.
Well done.
Six Texas stars.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Robert, for the wonderful 6 star rating. If you find a new chapter, I've disabled it, but someone still reviewed it, and I'm not sure how they were able to do it. It wasn't good, and I'm rewriting it.
Glad you remember my old story, though I didn't finish it. I started to rather than introduce another one, but it was so long ago that I would have to explain too much to go forward.
I appreciate your attention to this one.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Darn, Rhonda, I just wrote a lengthy review and then I lost it all. I honestly don't know what happened. Anyway, it's a lovely chapter and it gives us some sort of background. I like that a lot. Now, I'm looking forward to reading on. No six in my arsenal. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Darn, Rhonda, I just wrote a lengthy review and then I lost it all. I honestly don't know what happened. Anyway, it's a lovely chapter and it gives us some sort of background. I like that a lot. Now, I'm looking forward to reading on. No six in my arsenal. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 13-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reviewing, Ulla!!
I have done that before when the whole review gets wiped out, then you don't want to recreate it. Hehe. Thanks for going ahead and responding.
Thank you for your comments.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from mmayen
I didn't find the chapter, long at all. I'm already feeling at home with Liliana. I love her sense of humor even in a critical situation like this. She seems like a trusting and dependent person. Excited to be following her on this new venture.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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I didn't find the chapter, long at all. I'm already feeling at home with Liliana. I love her sense of humor even in a critical situation like this. She seems like a trusting and dependent person. Excited to be following her on this new venture.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your insightful review. You?ve really nailed Liliana?s character. I do appreciate you going back to read the first chapter as well.
Have a great day,
Rhonda
Comment from BethShelby
I think this sounds like a really good story that i would be interesting in reading. I'm Southern myself and I love Southern stories so I will put you with my fan list so I'll be notified when you post the next chapter.
Beth
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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I think this sounds like a really good story that i would be interesting in reading. I'm Southern myself and I love Southern stories so I will put you with my fan list so I'll be notified when you post the next chapter.
Beth
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2021
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Wow, thank you, Beth. I?m so excited to have your insight. Feel free to make suggestions and comments.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from w.j.debi
You give us some excellent backstory to help develop the character of Liliana and move the story forward. Great introduction of Joyce Langley and Dr. Rivers.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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You give us some excellent backstory to help develop the character of Liliana and move the story forward. Great introduction of Joyce Langley and Dr. Rivers.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for your review,
Rhonda
Comment from RGstar
I made it my business to really try to branch out and read , not only poetry, but to come over and review some of the book chapters from authors that have supported my work in the past, and I am finding enjoyment from it, as many good poets have left, and I do feel, the book side have kept their depth of excellence. For me , it is important when I read something good...and this is.
You used the periphery well, something I always commend Mastery on doing. You brought the surroundings into focus, not just concentrating on the main characters and their immediate movement or speech.
You didn't over compensate, the balance was excellent.
Many authors forget the periphery, the surroundings...trees, roads, areas, things in a room, he things that are usually picked up by the mind's eye, as if watching a movie...this sets many a writing apart, knowing when to do it.
Great dialogues.
Well done.
Hope to read some more chapters in the future.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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I made it my business to really try to branch out and read , not only poetry, but to come over and review some of the book chapters from authors that have supported my work in the past, and I am finding enjoyment from it, as many good poets have left, and I do feel, the book side have kept their depth of excellence. For me , it is important when I read something good...and this is.
You used the periphery well, something I always commend Mastery on doing. You brought the surroundings into focus, not just concentrating on the main characters and their immediate movement or speech.
You didn't over compensate, the balance was excellent.
Many authors forget the periphery, the surroundings...trees, roads, areas, things in a room, he things that are usually picked up by the mind's eye, as if watching a movie...this sets many a writing apart, knowing when to do it.
Great dialogues.
Well done.
Hope to read some more chapters in the future.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the brilliant six star review. It is enormously helpful to get a review that is detailed and supportive. I?ll be honest, in the past I?ve had a problem with periphery, but am working hard to overcome that. I?m so happy to know that I?m having some success. Keep an eye on me when you chance to read again, to make sure I maintaining it.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image to go with your story, Rhonda.
-It flowed well and I enjoyed reading it.
-The conversation between Liliana and
her mother is very natural, and even though
they have their differences, they seem
to get along.
-I wonder if it is because Liliana feels a
little lost at the moment.
-You show a good contrast between where
they are in Indiana and what they talk
about relating to the south.
-I like how you divide the chapter with
the phrase "just that easy." It makes a
good transition to the present.
-I'm not sure how Liliana got through
the circumstances she was in.
-It sounds like a positive force is
guiding her life at the moment since
Dr. Rivers shows up at just the right time.
-It seems to set the stage for some
kind of mystical experience, or maybe
they have already been going on.
-Well done, my friend.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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-A good image to go with your story, Rhonda.
-It flowed well and I enjoyed reading it.
-The conversation between Liliana and
her mother is very natural, and even though
they have their differences, they seem
to get along.
-I wonder if it is because Liliana feels a
little lost at the moment.
-You show a good contrast between where
they are in Indiana and what they talk
about relating to the south.
-I like how you divide the chapter with
the phrase "just that easy." It makes a
good transition to the present.
-I'm not sure how Liliana got through
the circumstances she was in.
-It sounds like a positive force is
guiding her life at the moment since
Dr. Rivers shows up at just the right time.
-It seems to set the stage for some
kind of mystical experience, or maybe
they have already been going on.
-Well done, my friend.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Pam, first, thank you for the six stars. That's a wonderful gift, and one not often given to chapters because they are a part of an ongoing story, but very much appreciated.
Also, you are so perceptive!! You've nailed most of the subtleties I had built in. Yes, there are hidden forces, no the doctor didn't accidentally show up, and yes, Liliana feels at loss. She's a lady used to being in control and it just isn't happening for her at the moment.
The "just that easy" part was a suggestion from G, who noticed I didn't have a smooth enough transition. I liked and kept it. It's so nice to have help from friends...just like you!
Thanks again,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving, Rhonda, and I appreciate your reply. It's nice to have ideas validated. It did surprise me that Lil. was as complacent as she was with her mother, but maybe she was tired of everything, and it relates to what you said. It is nice to have help from friends:)
Comment from Dana Starr
I'm liking your story even though it seems to be sort of jumping around in the sequence of things. It's no big deal, but it did take me out of the plot for a bit near the end of this chapter. You bring the reader forward a month but we're actually going backward to the beginning of the book. That's an interesting way to do it. At any rate, you're definitely holding my interest which is laudable these days what with everything that's going on in the news lately. In the beginning of this chapter, you write that she pushes her chair from the computer and then you write about the chair again when you write that Liliana rose from a creaking office chair. I'd change it to the creaking office chair since you've already mentioned it. Instead of over the tops of her glasses, I'd write over the top of her glasses. Who is Michael? Is that Liliana's brother? I wouldn't capitalize nursing home the first time you write about it. You didn't capitalize it the second time. I'm not sure girls' school should be capitalized unless that's the proper name of the school. I'd put a question mark after "So, you don't need me?" I don't think golden years should be capitalized. Welp, that's enough. I better get back to watching the news. I'm enjoying your story.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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I'm liking your story even though it seems to be sort of jumping around in the sequence of things. It's no big deal, but it did take me out of the plot for a bit near the end of this chapter. You bring the reader forward a month but we're actually going backward to the beginning of the book. That's an interesting way to do it. At any rate, you're definitely holding my interest which is laudable these days what with everything that's going on in the news lately. In the beginning of this chapter, you write that she pushes her chair from the computer and then you write about the chair again when you write that Liliana rose from a creaking office chair. I'd change it to the creaking office chair since you've already mentioned it. Instead of over the tops of her glasses, I'd write over the top of her glasses. Who is Michael? Is that Liliana's brother? I wouldn't capitalize nursing home the first time you write about it. You didn't capitalize it the second time. I'm not sure girls' school should be capitalized unless that's the proper name of the school. I'd put a question mark after "So, you don't need me?" I don't think golden years should be capitalized. Welp, that's enough. I better get back to watching the news. I'm enjoying your story.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Dana, I love your style! You are helpful, humorous and supportive. A great combination for a reviewer!
I went back and made the changes you suggested. I do appreciate more eyes than mine looking in!
The time shifts are purposeful, and will continue for a few chapters as Dr Rivers collects his treasures. It?s a different style than I?ve used in the past, but poets are always experimenting with style, right?
Anyway, I appreciate your time and efforts. I suppose I should check the news myself.
Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
I like Dr. Rivers already. Great that he was the one that happened to find Liliana in her plight. I also liked how you gave us the background information through a dialogue with her mother as that sped things along nicely and personally.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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I like Dr. Rivers already. Great that he was the one that happened to find Liliana in her plight. I also liked how you gave us the background information through a dialogue with her mother as that sped things along nicely and personally.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the wonderful review! I did try to sneak in back story with conversation. Good for you for noticing, and I?m glad it worked.
Take care,
Rhonda
