One More Broken Promise
Addiction kills faith, destroys families and breaks promises11 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Such tragedy portrayed here reminds us of the many poor addicted people we are in this world with. We have to be less judgemental and look for ways to help them conquer their demise.
Ralf
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Such tragedy portrayed here reminds us of the many poor addicted people we are in this world with. We have to be less judgemental and look for ways to help them conquer their demise.
Ralf
Comment Written 09-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Absolutely! I have lost friends and love ones to addiction, and I lose more all the time as active attics and alcoholics in my life continue to struggle. I pray that opiates are outlawed and that all who want to help get it.
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Oh, and thank you so much for reading and for the generous rating. It's appreciated.
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You are welcome!
Comment from lancellot
It is a well written and gripping story. I see the trigger warning, and that is a smart move is today's climate. That you captured the readers emotional and interest is a great thing; that they sometimes forget they are reading fiction, not so much.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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It is a well written and gripping story. I see the trigger warning, and that is a smart move is today's climate. That you captured the readers emotional and interest is a great thing; that they sometimes forget they are reading fiction, not so much.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you. I appreciate your encouragement, and thank you again for stopping by.
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Thank you. I appreciate your encouragement, and thank you again for stopping by.
Comment from Begin Again
Charlene tucker
This short story was a bit tough for me, having lost a child myself. Sometimes, we allow our lives to drift too close to the edge, and we lose control of events. Your story proved that we can't or don't always make it back. Well written. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Charlene tucker
This short story was a bit tough for me, having lost a child myself. Sometimes, we allow our lives to drift too close to the edge, and we lose control of events. Your story proved that we can't or don't always make it back. Well written. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I am so sorry to hear about your child. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my story, and thank you so much for sharing your reactions with me. Many blessings to you and hugs.
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I am so sorry to hear about your child. I appreciate that you took the time to read and review my story, and thank you so much for sharing your reactions with me. Many blessings to you and hugs.
Comment from Alli Johnston
Such a heartbreaking read. Absolutely necessary to write, however. Perhaps this will reach the right people and strike the right cords. Best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Such a heartbreaking read. Absolutely necessary to write, however. Perhaps this will reach the right people and strike the right cords. Best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading my short story and for your thoughts. Addiction affects everyone in some way, and I feel that it is really important to discuss, including the very heartbreaking consequences. I really appreciate your time reading and reviewing my story. Hugs and blessings.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, very interesting story, a drunk head that lost her daughter because o her addiction. The last lines are full of emotions and yet an unexpected ending "Her prayer was interrupted when she noticed a crowd gathering about 100 yards to the south. Sirens screeched in the distance.
Charlie reached for a beer." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Wow, very interesting story, a drunk head that lost her daughter because o her addiction. The last lines are full of emotions and yet an unexpected ending "Her prayer was interrupted when she noticed a crowd gathering about 100 yards to the south. Sirens screeched in the distance.
Charlie reached for a beer." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. For sure, addiction takes over lives and ruins them. there was a plethora of reasons a used that last line as the last line. So many things I wanted to say but I ran out of words so I left it to the reader.
Comment from nor84
Contest announcement says story has to be 250 words. When I ran it through MsWord, it counted only 243 words. You may want to add a few more. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Contest announcement says story has to be 250 words. When I ran it through MsWord, it counted only 243 words. You may want to add a few more. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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MsWord? Is that an app? I have to count by hand because I'm writing on my iPhone and I don't know how to do a word count. I was afraid I would be over so I deleted a few words to be sure I was under. A word counter would be awesome!
Thank you for reviewing and for taking the time to count my words! I really appreciate it. Blessings and hugs.
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MsWord is Microsoft Word. It comes on computers running Windows. I don't think you can get a word count that's accurate without using a computer with a word processing program like Microsoft Word. You can still add the words you need-- 7 more words.
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OMG! I know what Microsoft Word is, and now I feel like such an airhead. LOL I can't utilize Microsoft word, so I'm going to have to figure something else out. I'm surely not going to sit here and count 700 words for a bigger/longer writing contest. But thank you!
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Your story strikes a bit too close to him. My father was an alcoholic
and I was left in some very vulnerable places as a result. Early in
your story, I began fearing for Malaya's life. My assumption is that
I was right to be concerned. I suppose Charlene will never stop
drinking now.
Good luck in the contest.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Your story strikes a bit too close to him. My father was an alcoholic
and I was left in some very vulnerable places as a result. Early in
your story, I began fearing for Malaya's life. My assumption is that
I was right to be concerned. I suppose Charlene will never stop
drinking now.
Good luck in the contest.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I'm sorry that my story took you to some uncomfortable places in the past. Am I allowed to go back and edit contest entry? Your words made me consider that I could have posted something in the notes about the possibility of triggering emotional responses? Your thoughts?
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your reaction. I appreciate that you read my story. Blessings to you, and hugs.
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great take on the contest. A shocking story an unlikeable protagonist and a chiller of an ending.
Not sure a four-year-old would wear a bikini. Perhaps a bathing suit or even a tiny bathing suit. Lime green a nice touch, though. The type of chair she's sitting in is stipulated once too often - a small detail, but it stands out in flash fiction. And, a small typo: '...name is Charlene tucker..." need to capitalize Tucker.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Great take on the contest. A shocking story an unlikeable protagonist and a chiller of an ending.
Not sure a four-year-old would wear a bikini. Perhaps a bathing suit or even a tiny bathing suit. Lime green a nice touch, though. The type of chair she's sitting in is stipulated once too often - a small detail, but it stands out in flash fiction. And, a small typo: '...name is Charlene tucker..." need to capitalize Tucker.
Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for your astute observations and recommendations. I have modified my story in my notes considering your review. I appreciate your thoughtfulness!
Comment from Earl Corp
I guess she already knew the truth so figured on drinking one last beer before being hauled in for public drunkenness and child endangerment. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I guess she already knew the truth so figured on drinking one last beer before being hauled in for public drunkenness and child endangerment. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Ha ha your review was exactly what I was hoping to make people think about. Does she know what was happening? What really did happen? Oh, the questions! LOL thank you for reviewing my story. Hugs.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
What a horrible, tragic, all-too-possible tiny tale. The writing was really good and quite descriptive. I hated the ending, of course. Yuck. But - that ending is what makes this piece work so well.
Notes, if I may:
1.) she wondered aloud, frantically looking up and down the coastline. (T)here were
2.) Charlie bound(ed) from the chase lounge(,) spilling herself
3.) The salty breeze lifted her scream like a feather, carrying it over the vast sea.
--> lovely and wonderful metaphor!
4.) My name is Charlene (T)ucker.
5.) and a suggestion for your consideration:
--> Charlie reached for a beer (before heading that way).
--> otherwise, it's like she just collapses into the chair and doesn't even try or care. It would be nice to see her TRY, you know?
Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
What a horrible, tragic, all-too-possible tiny tale. The writing was really good and quite descriptive. I hated the ending, of course. Yuck. But - that ending is what makes this piece work so well.
Notes, if I may:
1.) she wondered aloud, frantically looking up and down the coastline. (T)here were
2.) Charlie bound(ed) from the chase lounge(,) spilling herself
3.) The salty breeze lifted her scream like a feather, carrying it over the vast sea.
--> lovely and wonderful metaphor!
4.) My name is Charlene (T)ucker.
5.) and a suggestion for your consideration:
--> Charlie reached for a beer (before heading that way).
--> otherwise, it's like she just collapses into the chair and doesn't even try or care. It would be nice to see her TRY, you know?
Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for catching all those typos and issues! I fix them in my notes, as I do not believe I can change them because I'm in a contest. right? I appreciate the time you've put in to reviewing my story. You have been very helpful. Hugs.
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You can always, always edit .. anytime.
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Really? I'm on it! Thanks.
