The Temptress
A contest entry48 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Marvelous....what an enjoyable read. The humor was excellent and each stanza carried the reader merrily along. Thank you for sharing your talent and I send you best wishes for the new year. Smiles!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Marvelous....what an enjoyable read. The humor was excellent and each stanza carried the reader merrily along. Thank you for sharing your talent and I send you best wishes for the new year. Smiles!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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I'm delighted you enjoyed my poem. Happy New Year to you, too! :)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ha, ha, ha cute revenge on the Lady Temptation: "Now all the wives are happy that their men are not bewitched--
and they made sure they'd stay that way and got the lady hitched!"Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Ha, ha, ha cute revenge on the Lady Temptation: "Now all the wives are happy that their men are not bewitched--
and they made sure they'd stay that way and got the lady hitched!"Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Iza! Thank for the good luck wishes. Have a lovely day. :)
Comment from nomi338
Very clever, but why not just find the bewitching lady a man in the first place. Believe me, my wife would just adjust my attitude about paying undue attention to another woman so I would not be part of the problem to begin with.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Very clever, but why not just find the bewitching lady a man in the first place. Believe me, my wife would just adjust my attitude about paying undue attention to another woman so I would not be part of the problem to begin with.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Nor would my husband! Hmm. Thank you, Nomi. :)
Comment from zanya
It's a great use of the listed words for the contest, seamlessly incorporated while telling an interesting tale of a 'femme fatale' and her eventual fate & a super pic to illustrate
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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It's a great use of the listed words for the contest, seamlessly incorporated while telling an interesting tale of a 'femme fatale' and her eventual fate & a super pic to illustrate
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Zanya! Have a great day! :)
Comment from lancellot
This is okay. You got all the words in that you needed to. The rhyme is fine, but some the lines seem forced, as if extra words were added to make them longer. But, this is meant to a light humor story, and it succeeds. Though the ending is incomplete. The reader doesn't actually know what happened.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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This is okay. You got all the words in that you needed to. The rhyme is fine, but some the lines seem forced, as if extra words were added to make them longer. But, this is meant to a light humor story, and it succeeds. Though the ending is incomplete. The reader doesn't actually know what happened.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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The ending was they found her a husband and got her married off. Hitched = Married. Thank you. :)
Comment from Patricia Cammish
This is an effective piece written in alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and trimeter. You have used the mandatory words effectively.
One point , the last two lines of the penultimate stanza do not entirely conform to the metre.
Unless you are saying 'beg-ged ' then you lack an unstressed syllable on that line . If you put in 'of' before 'them' that would fix it . The next line begins with two unstressed words ' When they'
If you omit ' when' that would make it work.
Hope this is useful. Good luck in the contest with this excellent entry.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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This is an effective piece written in alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and trimeter. You have used the mandatory words effectively.
One point , the last two lines of the penultimate stanza do not entirely conform to the metre.
Unless you are saying 'beg-ged ' then you lack an unstressed syllable on that line . If you put in 'of' before 'them' that would fix it . The next line begins with two unstressed words ' When they'
If you omit ' when' that would make it work.
Hope this is useful. Good luck in the contest with this excellent entry.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Patricia, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review. I will take note of your suggestions. Thanks for the good luck wishes. Have a nice day! x
Comment from Alli Johnston
This was such a fun piece to read! What an exciting and unique way to take all oft he required words and turn it into something so wonderful. This piece is humorous, fun to read, and very entertaining. I really loved this poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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This was such a fun piece to read! What an exciting and unique way to take all oft he required words and turn it into something so wonderful. This piece is humorous, fun to read, and very entertaining. I really loved this poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Alli! I'm so pleased you liked it. Happy New Year. :))
Comment from royowen
Sometimes the solution to a problem was as wicked as the problem itself, but in this case, that wasn't the outcome of the problem. I love this, in this case the solution was the best outcome for everyone. Beautifully written in articulate smoothly flowing and aabb rhymed heptametric stanzas, well done, an excellent post, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Sometimes the solution to a problem was as wicked as the problem itself, but in this case, that wasn't the outcome of the problem. I love this, in this case the solution was the best outcome for everyone. Beautifully written in articulate smoothly flowing and aabb rhymed heptametric stanzas, well done, an excellent post, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Roy, for this lovely review. Thank you for the good luck wishes. Bless your heart. xxx
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Bless you
