The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Laying down with the Enemy"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
12 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
Super chapter. There is just so much here in this story to appreciate - the flavor, the language, the times, the adventures, etc.
Notes:
1.) Laying down with the Enemy
--> title = 'Lying'
2.) looking at me, as if I should be his prize(.) The evening cold seeped
3.) I curled into a ball and imagined myself in a cocoon enough to dream I was somewhere else.
--> delete 'enough'
4.) A sleeping mind was my only escape.
--> Sleeping was my only escape.
5.) Little Deer took the moment (to) explain why her husband was upset.
6.) And even in the sour(-)faced squaw seemed tame while her husband fed himself on some jerked buffalo.
--> delete 'the' in the beginning after 'in'
Thanks - I'm sorry my family just came in - gotta dash. Great job!
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Stan,
Super chapter. There is just so much here in this story to appreciate - the flavor, the language, the times, the adventures, etc.
Notes:
1.) Laying down with the Enemy
--> title = 'Lying'
2.) looking at me, as if I should be his prize(.) The evening cold seeped
3.) I curled into a ball and imagined myself in a cocoon enough to dream I was somewhere else.
--> delete 'enough'
4.) A sleeping mind was my only escape.
--> Sleeping was my only escape.
5.) Little Deer took the moment (to) explain why her husband was upset.
6.) And even in the sour(-)faced squaw seemed tame while her husband fed himself on some jerked buffalo.
--> delete 'the' in the beginning after 'in'
Thanks - I'm sorry my family just came in - gotta dash. Great job!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from patcelaw
As I have lived now for over 82 years I am finding that the testing of a persons faith makes them stronger. This is a wonderful story.
Patricia
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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As I have lived now for over 82 years I am finding that the testing of a persons faith makes them stronger. This is a wonderful story.
Patricia
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thanks! Blessings around the bend!
Comment from MissMerri
You do write fascinating stories that capture the imagination and make the reader hungry for more of the tale. This is no exception. I am hooked for sure. It is difficult for me to stop to correct a typo or a missing article or for any reason, actually, because I'm so anxious to see what might happen next. I do think I will have to read each chapter two times, if I'm going to be any help editing. I did notice one small letter that I know you meant to capitalize.
***"My heart leaped as I watched Little deer, (Deer) whose Christian name was Mary, "
Good luck with your story. I think it is another winner. MM
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You do write fascinating stories that capture the imagination and make the reader hungry for more of the tale. This is no exception. I am hooked for sure. It is difficult for me to stop to correct a typo or a missing article or for any reason, actually, because I'm so anxious to see what might happen next. I do think I will have to read each chapter two times, if I'm going to be any help editing. I did notice one small letter that I know you meant to capitalize.
***"My heart leaped as I watched Little deer, (Deer) whose Christian name was Mary, "
Good luck with your story. I think it is another winner. MM
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
Comment from Alaskastory
"Laying down with the Enemy" clearly shows Jane's misery and her determination to struggle though. It is encouraging to know there may be some possibility for Little Deer to help her escape. Enjoyable reading!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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"Laying down with the Enemy" clearly shows Jane's misery and her determination to struggle though. It is encouraging to know there may be some possibility for Little Deer to help her escape. Enjoyable reading!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thanks Marie!
Comment from Ben Colder
Well done Bro. Realistic and yes I can see where she would earn the respect mentioned. It was known to have happened. You placed it with Sully in Minnesota massacre. I touched on the same earlier in my story but not a flow as yours.
Excellent .
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Well done Bro. Realistic and yes I can see where she would earn the respect mentioned. It was known to have happened. You placed it with Sully in Minnesota massacre. I touched on the same earlier in my story but not a flow as yours.
Excellent .
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
Comment from royowen
I'm so glad she didn't take any more from the cruel squaw woman, and beat her the same as she was beaten herself, which seemed to earn the respect ofbthe braves. But the believing young half caste is hatching a plan to escape. Well done my friend, blessings Roy
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I'm so glad she didn't take any more from the cruel squaw woman, and beat her the same as she was beaten herself, which seemed to earn the respect ofbthe braves. But the believing young half caste is hatching a plan to escape. Well done my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
Comment from Mastery
Hi Stan. This is another fine chapter in your book. Lots of outstanding writing and particularly with regard to images. Like this form instance:
"The brutish squaw sat in a corner and hugged her knees, rocking back and forth, looking at me with disgust in her eyes. I worried she would sooner slit my throat. Suddenly, she stood with a willow branch in her hand."
And this: "I lashed the squaw across the face and must have hit her dozen times until she fell to her knees, screaming with her hands over her head."
Suggestions: Change this from: ". . . ." "My heart leaped inside as I watched Little deer." to this: "My heart leaped as I watched Little deer.." (Of course his heart is inside.)
Bravo my friend. Bob
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2021
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Hi Stan. This is another fine chapter in your book. Lots of outstanding writing and particularly with regard to images. Like this form instance:
"The brutish squaw sat in a corner and hugged her knees, rocking back and forth, looking at me with disgust in her eyes. I worried she would sooner slit my throat. Suddenly, she stood with a willow branch in her hand."
And this: "I lashed the squaw across the face and must have hit her dozen times until she fell to her knees, screaming with her hands over her head."
Suggestions: Change this from: ". . . ." "My heart leaped inside as I watched Little deer." to this: "My heart leaped as I watched Little deer.." (Of course his heart is inside.)
Bravo my friend. Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2021
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Thanks, Bob. That is a needful fix. I promise to go back and reciprocate with your story. Not sure why I haven't seen an installment of yours lately. I did go back a few pages to check.
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I just finished chapter 28, if that is any help. Thank you, I would appreciate anything you can do, Stan. Bob
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Will do. I see you are still the cream that rises to the top here. So many years have come and gone. You were one of my first friends going back to 2012?
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I remember. Thanks Stan. Bob
Comment from Sally Law
Superb chapter that left me gasping. Oh dear, that poor woman and everyone like her! A plan of escape is the only solution here. I look forward to the next chapter with great expectations. Sending you my best today as always and six promised stars,
Sal :))
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Superb chapter that left me gasping. Oh dear, that poor woman and everyone like her! A plan of escape is the only solution here. I look forward to the next chapter with great expectations. Sending you my best today as always and six promised stars,
Sal :))
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
Comment from Mistydawn
It's looking a little better for her, a little promising. In the beginning I wasn't so sure. A peed off, half-witted, jealous, lover is not a good combination. I hope it'll all work out. Jane is a strong woman to keep her faith despite it all. Your story is well-written, interesting, suspenseful start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
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It's looking a little better for her, a little promising. In the beginning I wasn't so sure. A peed off, half-witted, jealous, lover is not a good combination. I hope it'll all work out. Jane is a strong woman to keep her faith despite it all. Your story is well-written, interesting, suspenseful start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Everyone of your posts on this book are deserving of six stars. Being based on truth makes the story of historical value as well. I enjoy this very much!
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Everyone of your posts on this book are deserving of six stars. Being based on truth makes the story of historical value as well. I enjoy this very much!
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
