Remove the Dust
This story comes from a writing prompt in Poets & Writers..16 total reviews
Comment from Jaime Deagle
A beautifully written poetic piece. It was interesting to read and I really like a lot of the word choices you have made. Thanks for sharing your story. Have a happy new year!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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A beautifully written poetic piece. It was interesting to read and I really like a lot of the word choices you have made. Thanks for sharing your story. Have a happy new year!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Remove the Dust, hits us all in the place where we live. So much of our lives is unlived and our expressions kept inside. New year and a new vitality to reach out.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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This story, Remove the Dust, hits us all in the place where we live. So much of our lives is unlived and our expressions kept inside. New year and a new vitality to reach out.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hi, Bill. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
It is interesting, but I suspect it should be entered as free-verse poetry. Also in paragraph 8 do you mean attic instead of artic? Many things can do with a rereading/rewriting to be sure it is exactly what you mean.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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It is interesting, but I suspect it should be entered as free-verse poetry. Also in paragraph 8 do you mean attic instead of artic? Many things can do with a rereading/rewriting to be sure it is exactly what you mean.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story. I should have capitalized Artic.
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Dana Starr
As I sat on my dusty couch contemplating if I should clean or read, I'm glad I decided to read because I really enjoyed what you wrote. I can relate to a lot of it. You did a great job.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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As I sat on my dusty couch contemplating if I should clean or read, I'm glad I decided to read because I really enjoyed what you wrote. I can relate to a lot of it. You did a great job.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from estory
This is an interesting little piece; I liked the image of the dust that symbolizes all the unrealized dreams and creations lost and scattered in these locked away rooms. A steamer trunk full of poems, pieces of music, all locked away below decks on this journey of life. Its quite a powerful image with wide and deep connotations. The details in the memories, the little girl with the stuffed animal and the brown eyes, the vivid colors of the sunsets, give the piece personality and bring it to life. estory
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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This is an interesting little piece; I liked the image of the dust that symbolizes all the unrealized dreams and creations lost and scattered in these locked away rooms. A steamer trunk full of poems, pieces of music, all locked away below decks on this journey of life. Its quite a powerful image with wide and deep connotations. The details in the memories, the little girl with the stuffed animal and the brown eyes, the vivid colors of the sunsets, give the piece personality and bring it to life. estory
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Mike,
this is a very nicely put. great word choices throughout and a relatable topic. hate the dusting myself, prefer the solitude and isolation. lol
Purely from a cosmetic point of view, I would suggest inserting a clear line at the beginning of the piece so it doesn't start straight under the picture. It tends to blend in.
gathers portions of my life that float through the air. - maybe use which rather than that.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hi Mike,
this is a very nicely put. great word choices throughout and a relatable topic. hate the dusting myself, prefer the solitude and isolation. lol
Purely from a cosmetic point of view, I would suggest inserting a clear line at the beginning of the piece so it doesn't start straight under the picture. It tends to blend in.
gathers portions of my life that float through the air. - maybe use which rather than that.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hi, giraff. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Yes, it all makes perfect sense. Everything you mentioned is a story waiting to be written. Your words flow smoothly with great imagery. Your image choice is a great pairing, too. Time waits for no one, so it's best to take it on rather than sit alone and out of touch. Pick up the pen and write. You handled the prompt well.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Yes, it all makes perfect sense. Everything you mentioned is a story waiting to be written. Your words flow smoothly with great imagery. Your image choice is a great pairing, too. Time waits for no one, so it's best to take it on rather than sit alone and out of touch. Pick up the pen and write. You handled the prompt well.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hi, Janny. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from kmoss
Sadly, I'm out of sixes because this deserves an exceptional rating. I liked this part the best: But something stirs, a toe begins to tap, fingers start to twitch, the heart flutters, and the mind reacts.
Once again, I see the beauty of creation.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Sadly, I'm out of sixes because this deserves an exceptional rating. I liked this part the best: But something stirs, a toe begins to tap, fingers start to twitch, the heart flutters, and the mind reacts.
Once again, I see the beauty of creation.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words and the thought of a six.
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Good prompt for us to read. I have had all sorts of dust bunnies in my mind this past year, and I am struggling to
get rid of them and write again. I have moved over to prose and I am hoping it will tickle my fancy and allow a few poems to emerge from my dusty existence. LOL Thanks for the nudge to get it done! Nancy:)
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Good prompt for us to read. I have had all sorts of dust bunnies in my mind this past year, and I am struggling to
get rid of them and write again. I have moved over to prose and I am hoping it will tickle my fancy and allow a few poems to emerge from my dusty existence. LOL Thanks for the nudge to get it done! Nancy:)
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hi, Nancy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What an amazing poem you've created from that prompt. They are a good source for nudging the old muse into action again. My poet muse has been on a long holiday!
We don't realise how much dust there is in the air we breathe. It always amazes me to see a ray of sunshine stream through my window just to show me the dust in the air. I wonder if we would survive now in pure unpolluted air, or has our bodies evolved to accommodate our new dusty environment? I enjoyed your poem, Mike, I hope your duster got rid of all the dust? Lol. Have a wonderful 2021! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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What an amazing poem you've created from that prompt. They are a good source for nudging the old muse into action again. My poet muse has been on a long holiday!
We don't realise how much dust there is in the air we breathe. It always amazes me to see a ray of sunshine stream through my window just to show me the dust in the air. I wonder if we would survive now in pure unpolluted air, or has our bodies evolved to accommodate our new dusty environment? I enjoyed your poem, Mike, I hope your duster got rid of all the dust? Lol. Have a wonderful 2021! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Hi, Sandra. I should have posted it has a poem. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
