John and Shorty's Gift
Western script, humor22 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
I really need to study your scripts to learn. You bring in just the right amount of description and then the pointed dialogue resonates thereafter. So much to learn.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2021
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I really need to study your scripts to learn. You bring in just the right amount of description and then the pointed dialogue resonates thereafter. So much to learn.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2021
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How nice of you to review my little end-of-the-year offering. I sure try to make it 100% comprehensible, since writing theater used to scare the heck out of me 20 years ago. One of these days I ought to take a class on it, ha.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Good script that is easily used as a play. In first speech John should say "I'll" instead of I will. Could amp up humor with mayor lugging basket and then trying to make if look light as he goes through door. Each man almost drops loaf when they are handed it. End up holding loaves like baby's when the mayor is there. Best of luck with this. With such a small cast you should be able to sell your plays.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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Good script that is easily used as a play. In first speech John should say "I'll" instead of I will. Could amp up humor with mayor lugging basket and then trying to make if look light as he goes through door. Each man almost drops loaf when they are handed it. End up holding loaves like baby's when the mayor is there. Best of luck with this. With such a small cast you should be able to sell your plays.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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Thanks for reviewing!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL! That reminds me of the 'rock cakes' I used to make. They really were like rocks! This is a really funny, and brought back some embarrassing memories! lol. Well done, Crystie. Happy New Year. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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LOL! That reminds me of the 'rock cakes' I used to make. They really were like rocks! This is a really funny, and brought back some embarrassing memories! lol. Well done, Crystie. Happy New Year. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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Thanks for reviewing. I had a strange result with mint frosting on half baked brownies in a crooked baking sheet once. Came out tasting more like toothpaste.
Comment from Bill Schott
This script, John and Shorty's Gift, is the funniest fruitcake skit I have read. Fruitcakes get a a bad rap, sometimes, or is it all the time.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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This script, John and Shorty's Gift, is the funniest fruitcake skit I have read. Fruitcakes get a a bad rap, sometimes, or is it all the time.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for a great review.
Comment from Jay Squires
A fun and entertaining read, Crystie. U o U should be proud of you. Thanks for sharing. I have a few teensy concerns below:
Mayor Gerald (or Geraldine) Perkins [Is Mayor Gerald Perkins 1) a female? or, 2) Gay, a cross-dresser, or transgender? If none of these, why confuse the reader with (or Geraldine)? Perhaps it will be explained in a later scene? It just seems irrelevant and raises the question, Why would the writer include it?]
I know! If someone tries to steal your horse, Sterling, or my horse, Jumper, we can clobber the horse thieves over the head [Since these two know each other so closely, it's not likely Shorty would be using the horses' names.]
Good luck with your writing career.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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A fun and entertaining read, Crystie. U o U should be proud of you. Thanks for sharing. I have a few teensy concerns below:
Mayor Gerald (or Geraldine) Perkins [Is Mayor Gerald Perkins 1) a female? or, 2) Gay, a cross-dresser, or transgender? If none of these, why confuse the reader with (or Geraldine)? Perhaps it will be explained in a later scene? It just seems irrelevant and raises the question, Why would the writer include it?]
I know! If someone tries to steal your horse, Sterling, or my horse, Jumper, we can clobber the horse thieves over the head [Since these two know each other so closely, it's not likely Shorty would be using the horses' names.]
Good luck with your writing career.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reviewing. My background is mostly writing for church productions, where there are often beginners, and also male characters are sometimes taken by ladies, so I try to think of possibilities. Also I was developing this as a series of skits that people might only see one of, or they might see the whole sequence. But I sure appreciate your comments.
Comment from Sanku
That was funny .I feel sorry for .um...flunkenduncer..(what a name) She is quite a bad cook.And I thinkMayor Perkins canbe a smart person. Elvira must have gifted themto mayor and he conveniently dumped it on them...
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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That was funny .I feel sorry for .um...flunkenduncer..(what a name) She is quite a bad cook.And I thinkMayor Perkins canbe a smart person. Elvira must have gifted themto mayor and he conveniently dumped it on them...
Comment Written 01-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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Thanks bunches for reviewing. That is probably what happened, all right. Or she ran out of ingredients and decided the new arrivals needed them more than the mayor's family and other old-timers.
Comment from BethShelby
This is fun a script. Some many people hate fruitcakes and love to make fun of them. They are heavy but personally I love a good fruit cake full of pecans. I haven't had a really good one in years though. My mom use to bake them and give them away at Christmas. I hope her recipients didn't react like these guys.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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This is fun a script. Some many people hate fruitcakes and love to make fun of them. They are heavy but personally I love a good fruit cake full of pecans. I haven't had a really good one in years though. My mom use to bake them and give them away at Christmas. I hope her recipients didn't react like these guys.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
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Thanks bunches for reading and a personalized review. I actually like fruitcake myself. Have probably only tasted a bad one once in entire lifetime. How neat your mom was good at making them.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Haha, I like the idea of cowboys not likely the fruitcake that really nobody likes or wants. You turned that into a fun script, CC. Your dialogue was well-written as was your stage directions. I could see everything you mentioned. The uses for the fruitcake, instead of eating it, are hilarious, but all will work.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
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Haha, I like the idea of cowboys not likely the fruitcake that really nobody likes or wants. You turned that into a fun script, CC. Your dialogue was well-written as was your stage directions. I could see everything you mentioned. The uses for the fruitcake, instead of eating it, are hilarious, but all will work.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for a stellar review. I have actually only personally received one fruitcake in my entire life, and it was yummy. But it takes all kinds to get the humor out of it, ha.
Comment from damommy
Poor Elvira. Little does she know how her baking is received. I hope someone kind will tell her so she'll stop making a fool of herself. I know real-life people like this. But, still, it's funny!!!!!
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Poor Elvira. Little does she know how her baking is received. I hope someone kind will tell her so she'll stop making a fool of herself. I know real-life people like this. But, still, it's funny!!!!!
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Thank you for a great review.
Comment from papa55mike
It's amazing the beating fruitcakes in this world. My grandmother baked delicious ones. What a wonderfully written script. I wish I had a six for you. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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It's amazing the beating fruitcakes in this world. My grandmother baked delicious ones. What a wonderfully written script. I wish I had a six for you. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
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Thank you for a nice review.
