Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Betrayal Chapter 14"In the title.
40 total reviews
Comment from Jessica Borras
Yay for Grant's team! Another exceptional chapter! I usually have a couple of suggestions, but not so much with this chapter! I did notice that the characters' thoughts weren't in italics this chapter, which is no biggie, but with the book as a whole it might be a good idea to keep it all in the same format :)
Thank you for sharing your story on here! I'm really enjoying it!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
  |
Yay for Grant's team! Another exceptional chapter! I usually have a couple of suggestions, but not so much with this chapter! I did notice that the characters' thoughts weren't in italics this chapter, which is no biggie, but with the book as a whole it might be a good idea to keep it all in the same format :)
Thank you for sharing your story on here! I'm really enjoying it!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021
-
Wow! No suggestions, that's incredible, Lol, really, Jessica, I can't thank you enough for all the time you have spent on my reviews. You are an amazing lady. Thank you. And another humongous hug for the other sixth shiny star! :)) Sandra xxxx
-
You're so very welcome, the six stars were well deserved! <3
Comment from Begin Again
Happy Hurrahs! He's got a team of professionals to help him out with this predicament and save Tania. But I do believe Colin will be ruthless if cornered. What a rat!
 |
Happy Hurrahs! He's got a team of professionals to help him out with this predicament and save Tania. But I do believe Colin will be ruthless if cornered. What a rat!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2021
Comment from DSchlosser
A nice chapter here. I did find one sentence in the mix that had me re-reading it a couple times:
"She tried her hardest to convince him she wasn't frightened even though she far from being persuaded herself."- I think you might need to add 'was' in this sentence before far.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
|
A nice chapter here. I did find one sentence in the mix that had me re-reading it a couple times:
"She tried her hardest to convince him she wasn't frightened even though she far from being persuaded herself."- I think you might need to add 'was' in this sentence before far.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021
-
Thank you for finding that missing word, I've corrected it now. :)) You've been great, David, thanks for another lovely review. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
If this is written in UK English, it is very good writing. I will however catch up reading the chapters I have missed. You have brought some excitement to the surface, I just hope that Tania will come out of this alive.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
|
If this is written in UK English, it is very good writing. I will however catch up reading the chapters I have missed. You have brought some excitement to the surface, I just hope that Tania will come out of this alive.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021
-
Thank you again, Rosemary, I think you have really caught up now. You've been amazing. Another hug??? Lol. xxx
Comment from giraffmang
hi Sandra,
the plot thickens even more as they say with the introduction of an ex-special forces team. Should be interesting.
Copies of all the plans we've brought from Colin. - should that be bought rather than brought?
Good stuff
G
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
|
hi Sandra,
the plot thickens even more as they say with the introduction of an ex-special forces team. Should be interesting.
Copies of all the plans we've brought from Colin. - should that be bought rather than brought?
Good stuff
G
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
-
Thank you again, Gareth, for catching the nit. I've got that one sorted now! lol. Lots of love. Sandra xxx
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Good--now I'm up to date, albeit a bit bass-ackward, having just read #15 and realized I'd missed this. Glad to be caught up. Chilling scene, masterfully rendered. No doubt he plans to kill her; alas, after torture.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
|
Good--now I'm up to date, albeit a bit bass-ackward, having just read #15 and realized I'd missed this. Glad to be caught up. Chilling scene, masterfully rendered. No doubt he plans to kill her; alas, after torture.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
-
Colin is not a very nice person! Thank you so much for coming back and reviewing this one as well, Liz. I'm so pleased you liked the horrid part. (Is that an oximoron? Lol) Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra
Comment from DeboraDyess
Well, I guess I WASN'T caught up! lol I"m being real nit-picky right now (must be the COVID!) so forgive me and know that I love the part and the book.
He looked up, his face twisted into an evil grin once he was satisfied >> I'd either separate these two phrases with a semicolon or make them separate sentences.
You can tell me now and save yourself a lot of pain, or stay quiet and suffer the consequences?' >> Not a question
hard, stinging, slap >> hard, stinging slap
the flashing lights that spiked her vision, were only made >> the flashing lights that spiked her vision were only made >> The comma isn't needed. It separated the subject (vision) and verb (were made
proud of youself >> proud of yourself
weakness which could give the impression he had power over her. >> He DOES have power over her, Sandra. I think she's trying not to allow him to know she's acknowledging it. I'd reword a bit to clarify that.
And, boy, she's made of sterner stuff than I am!
The look Colin threw at Tania left her in no doubt that he'd follow through with the threat. >> Okay, this always throws me. The dialogue just before this is Collin. The look is from Collin. But it's Tania who is acting on (feeling and emotionally responding to) that look. So...does this get a new paragraph? New character, new paragraph, you know. I'm not sure on this one (and have lots in my own work that I agonize over). I'd ask Robyn Corum. lol
Collin is smirking a lot. You might try describing it occasionally. There aren't a lot of good synonyms for smirk...
I love the paragraph about the tourists on the Thames! I remember right after my granddaughter's funeral, passing a playground where children were being their crazy selves. It was like a photo of normalcy in a day of sadness and chaos. It's great to bring that out in this scene. But I would change this:
They were all in awe of where they were as the tourist guide was telling >> 'where they were' is his normal. And I'd change 'was telling' to 'told' Not to rewrite for you (so forgive me) but what about 'They were all in awe of things he barely noticed as the tour guide told them...' And I now you can do a better job than that. Just a thought.
After Grant had two catastrophic attacks... >> YOu overuse 'companies' in this sentence. Might say 'European holdings' or, in Mexico, just say 'rivals'? BOY! He is a big deal!
Blessings!
Debs
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
|
Well, I guess I WASN'T caught up! lol I"m being real nit-picky right now (must be the COVID!) so forgive me and know that I love the part and the book.
He looked up, his face twisted into an evil grin once he was satisfied >> I'd either separate these two phrases with a semicolon or make them separate sentences.
You can tell me now and save yourself a lot of pain, or stay quiet and suffer the consequences?' >> Not a question
hard, stinging, slap >> hard, stinging slap
the flashing lights that spiked her vision, were only made >> the flashing lights that spiked her vision were only made >> The comma isn't needed. It separated the subject (vision) and verb (were made
proud of youself >> proud of yourself
weakness which could give the impression he had power over her. >> He DOES have power over her, Sandra. I think she's trying not to allow him to know she's acknowledging it. I'd reword a bit to clarify that.
And, boy, she's made of sterner stuff than I am!
The look Colin threw at Tania left her in no doubt that he'd follow through with the threat. >> Okay, this always throws me. The dialogue just before this is Collin. The look is from Collin. But it's Tania who is acting on (feeling and emotionally responding to) that look. So...does this get a new paragraph? New character, new paragraph, you know. I'm not sure on this one (and have lots in my own work that I agonize over). I'd ask Robyn Corum. lol
Collin is smirking a lot. You might try describing it occasionally. There aren't a lot of good synonyms for smirk...
I love the paragraph about the tourists on the Thames! I remember right after my granddaughter's funeral, passing a playground where children were being their crazy selves. It was like a photo of normalcy in a day of sadness and chaos. It's great to bring that out in this scene. But I would change this:
They were all in awe of where they were as the tourist guide was telling >> 'where they were' is his normal. And I'd change 'was telling' to 'told' Not to rewrite for you (so forgive me) but what about 'They were all in awe of things he barely noticed as the tour guide told them...' And I now you can do a better job than that. Just a thought.
After Grant had two catastrophic attacks... >> YOu overuse 'companies' in this sentence. Might say 'European holdings' or, in Mexico, just say 'rivals'? BOY! He is a big deal!
Blessings!
Debs
Comment Written 31-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2021
-
Aw, Debs! Not the granddaughter who was dancing in your poem? Not that it isn't any the less sadder if it's another one! I don't know how I'd cope, but people do. I'm so sorry, dear friend.
Thank you so very much for your amazingly helpful review. I've spend the morning going over it, and praising your name all the way through as I made the changes. There were some major edits done, and I can't believe I didn't notice some of the points you picked put. Especially the part that mentioned her being under his control. Thank you so very much! Sending you the biggest hug ever! Have a wonderful New Year, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
-
Hello! Happy First Monday of 2021. lol (Hey, after last year, let's celebrate anything we can!)
We lost a granddaughter when she was only a couple of hours old. She was born at 21 weeks and, in this small town and our backwards hospital, she had very little chance of survival. But she was strong - she lived longer than they anticipated. Her name was Shylah and God has used her to teach me some pretty important life lessons, even though she only lived on this earth a short time. I'll share some in the future. She would be almost nine now. Cray, but I still miss her.
Our dancer is her little sister, Addi, now eight. We do have a quiver full! NIne grandchildren (including step-grands, although we don't use the word 'step'.) And, by the 28th of this month, we will have 10. LOTS OF BABIES! lol. Our oldest grand is 16, looking at colleges and driving.
Anyhow, have a great week!
Blessings,
Debs
-
Aww, that is so sad, and I can understand you still missing her. She came and in the short time she stayed, she made an impact on her family. God sends his special childred to special people. That's why you were chosen to get to love this little one. Shylah, what a lovely name. I'm sure she looks down on you all. Aww, so sad. Lots of love, my friend. xxx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, Christmas behind us, and New Years Eve just around the corner, I hope all the party goers decide to stay home, keep healthy, and avoid spreading the terrible virus to anyone else. Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year!
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
|
Well, Christmas behind us, and New Years Eve just around the corner, I hope all the party goers decide to stay home, keep healthy, and avoid spreading the terrible virus to anyone else. Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year!
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020
-
Thank you, Ric, I'm glad you had a lovely Christmas, now to go into the New Year. Let's all hope that the virus will be conquered or at the very least, controlled. You have a wonderful 2021, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Sanku
Grant unwilling to believe the worst of his half brother and his delaying can be at a terrible price. I hope they would find Tania alive. If Grand calls colin at least he can pin point his location.
Eagerly waiting for the next..
have a great New Year
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
Grant unwilling to believe the worst of his half brother and his delaying can be at a terrible price. I hope they would find Tania alive. If Grand calls colin at least he can pin point his location.
Eagerly waiting for the next..
have a great New Year
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much for this lovely review, Sanku, I have always appreciated how kind you are. Now Grant is on the case, things will move forward. Tania has been missing less than 48 hours, and Colin needs her alive at least for a little while longer. I'll be posting the next part on Sunday. Stay tuned! Have a wonderful New Year, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from AnnieDawn
Oh my, this is a very well written and interesting read. I have enjoyed every word and can find no errors to point out. You have done a good job at keeping the reader going easily through the chapter with a nice easy flow. The characters are strong. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
|
Oh my, this is a very well written and interesting read. I have enjoyed every word and can find no errors to point out. You have done a good job at keeping the reader going easily through the chapter with a nice easy flow. The characters are strong. Great job.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2020
-
Thank you so much for reading this part, Annie, I really appreciate your lovely comments. Have a wonderful New Year, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx