The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Honeymoon Hell"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
15 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have a good story going for you here, but you need to do a lot of self-editing. Read each sentence aloud and think about how it flows. You have several little words missing, e.g. a, an, the, in, etc. I'm not sure there were sleeping bags in 1864, and Confederates should be capitalized if you mean fleeing soldiers, and how would someone's breath be "minted" at this time? Is the reason she thinks Tad's death her fault explained in an earlier chapters. Writing and rewriting are a major part of being a writer. Good luck with this. I'm sure you will edit well and I'll look forward to reading your next chapter.
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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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You have a good story going for you here, but you need to do a lot of self-editing. Read each sentence aloud and think about how it flows. You have several little words missing, e.g. a, an, the, in, etc. I'm not sure there were sleeping bags in 1864, and Confederates should be capitalized if you mean fleeing soldiers, and how would someone's breath be "minted" at this time? Is the reason she thinks Tad's death her fault explained in an earlier chapters. Writing and rewriting are a major part of being a writer. Good luck with this. I'm sure you will edit well and I'll look forward to reading your next chapter.
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Comment Written 13-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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Thanks, I think?
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Gripping--grabbed and held me throughout--stunning narration, gorgeous nature imagery!
guardianship of Thad [COMMA] a free black man [COMMA] who could
He were [WAS--unless you intend her to misspeak] like a millstone around my neck.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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Gripping--grabbed and held me throughout--stunning narration, gorgeous nature imagery!
guardianship of Thad [COMMA] a free black man [COMMA] who could
He were [WAS--unless you intend her to misspeak] like a millstone around my neck.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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Thanks! I will make changes.
Comment from Ben Colder
Excellent. You got her captured by who? Important to know who. Different methods used with various tribes with treatment.
Excellent writing and great descriptive terrain. Ash hollow - sometimes known as Blue Water is important as well. It is mentioned in the first part of my novel but not as well as your describe it.
(I lump caught my throat. "Best be careful, Jake.")
Another good one Stan.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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Excellent. You got her captured by who? Important to know who. Different methods used with various tribes with treatment.
Excellent writing and great descriptive terrain. Ash hollow - sometimes known as Blue Water is important as well. It is mentioned in the first part of my novel but not as well as your describe it.
(I lump caught my throat. "Best be careful, Jake.")
Another good one Stan.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020
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Hey Ben. What if a woman captive became known for healing someone sick. Could that raise her to a place where she wouldn't be severely abused? I think what happens to my character, I won't take it down to the horrors of rape and try to still be real. I'm doing what you said. I'm going to firm up my outline, so I'm not writing on a whim. Blessings.
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It would be depending on the tribe. Something to consider. Trade her to another one less hostile. The Nez P were an easy going tribe. Chief Joseph. Might wish to dig a little but there are some who were very docile but treated as hostile. Just a thought.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What a horrific story chapter. Women suffered greatly during those times.
I noticed a few typos. I copied the entire paragraph, so you can find them easily.
Come morning the sun waxed warm with sapphire blue sky. Jake and I took turns glassing the Rocky Mountains in the distance across the plains. There was no sense of danger and hardly a place given to threats. We sat there in the morning sun warming our backs where I buried my chin (in) Jake's shoulder. "I finally see the majesty of the mountains and how they rise like cathedrals into God's heaven."
The smell of hickory smoke and ash burned from the campfire below and rose up to greet us. Jake kissed me with his minted breath. "I best go down below and check on the boys. I smell the fire, but I'm not able to glass (guess) where they be."
I (A) lump caught my throat. "Best be careful, Jake."
He were (was) like a millstone around my neck. I clawed around to look for others. I wished I could get small as a gopher and find a hole. But it was too late.
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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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What a horrific story chapter. Women suffered greatly during those times.
I noticed a few typos. I copied the entire paragraph, so you can find them easily.
Come morning the sun waxed warm with sapphire blue sky. Jake and I took turns glassing the Rocky Mountains in the distance across the plains. There was no sense of danger and hardly a place given to threats. We sat there in the morning sun warming our backs where I buried my chin (in) Jake's shoulder. "I finally see the majesty of the mountains and how they rise like cathedrals into God's heaven."
The smell of hickory smoke and ash burned from the campfire below and rose up to greet us. Jake kissed me with his minted breath. "I best go down below and check on the boys. I smell the fire, but I'm not able to glass (guess) where they be."
I (A) lump caught my throat. "Best be careful, Jake."
He were (was) like a millstone around my neck. I clawed around to look for others. I wished I could get small as a gopher and find a hole. But it was too late.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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Thanks. I need to make those changes.
Comment from siais
An amazing piece of work, the story starts like a normal one ending up into real story, very good choice of words and the right pace to keep the reader glued.Wonderful!
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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An amazing piece of work, the story starts like a normal one ending up into real story, very good choice of words and the right pace to keep the reader glued.Wonderful!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020
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Thanks again!
