Comment from Jessica Borras

Excellent

What a beautifully written chapter! You get a lot of information with their dialogue, without it being an information dump. I only have a couple of tiny suggestions. Literally. The first is the sentence that says "He'd always known Colin was a thief and a liar, so why did he think he'd changed". The he's get a little confusing, so I'd suggest changing it to "He'd always known Colin was a thief and a liar, so why did Grant think he'd changed". And the second things is, the three paragraphs that start with "The more Monica told him" and end with "no one knew where he'd gone", I feel like you could combine them into one. Reading the dialogue, my brain wanted it to be Monica speaking in the third paragraph. If they were all together it would be more clear that Grant is speaking the entire time.

So, besides that... What an absolute creep that Colin is! You're doing a wonderful job at making me dislike his character, while falling in love with both Grant and Monica. I can't wait to read more about them!

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2021

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2021

I can see what you are saying about that first point you've raised, and will sort that out straight away. The second point is going to be changed a bit now. I like the thought of Monica speaking in the third paragraph. I'll take a good look at that. Again, you just don't know how much I appreciate this. Thank you, Jessica. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from Begin Again

Excellent

Off we go in search of Tania it seems. Monica and Grant should make a good team, but Colin is so devious. I shall read to see exactly what you have in store.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2021

Comment from DSchlosser

Exceptional

Great chapter here! I think I read this chapter in only a couple minutes, it just flowed really well. I found out that people in the UK say maths after reading through this instead of as math. My other friend on here, Sankey, uses it too and he's Australian. I had to actually look that up, but at least I learned something new from it.

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2021

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2021

Yes, I found it strange that you said, math. There are so many types of maths, that without the 's' it sounded wrong. But, our way sounds wrong to you. Australian English is more like UK English than the US for spellings as well. It's been an eye opener being on FS.
Thank you so much for the six stars, my friend, I really appreciated that, and your lovely review. Warm hugs! :) Sandra xx

Comment from Rosemary Everson1

Excellent

Yep, the lying thief who took another person's blueprints. Have you ever felt that way about your writing? It is a hard road to travel when that happens....when there are leaks and the paperwork is dripped through someone else's fingers.

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2021

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2021

I wish I had a nomination vote left, I would have given it to you. I'll give you one when I get my next lot at the beginning of next month. Thank you, again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Sandra,

Lots of info falling thick and fast here. dialogue driving the summation and plot.

let me think. It had to be at least three years. By chance, Tania later discovered he was selling some of her older designs and calling them his own. It took her ages to finally see sense and end things with him. When she told him this, he turned nasty, - reading this sends me back to a previous instalment a couple of posts ago when it says that she only change her passwords and security a few months ago but this happened three years prior. Surely she'd have changed them much sooner.

Grant scowled. 'I can assure you, Colin isn't married.' - if this is an allusion to his sexuality, it may no longer hold up, as marriage is no longer an obstacle anywhere in the UK. (there was a reference in an earlier instalment about women not being his thing)

'To be perfectly blunt, I haven't the foggiest idea. But I plan on finding out. - need closing speech marks here.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2021

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021

I'm going to take all references out about Colin's sexuality. I suddenly thought it was beginning to read like I was adding a black person
Monica) and a gay person (Colin) just to comply with the pc brigade, lol. And that is one thing I'm not doing!
I'll go back and alter the time frame of Tania changing her passwords. You're absolutely right, she would have changed them straight away. Thanks again, my friend. :)) xxx

Comment from DeboraDyess

Excellent

Hi again. :)

Grant was not liking this one bit.

'Hmm, I don't remember the whole story, but I >> I'd change this to an action. HOW us that he's not liking it. Describe his discomfort -- you do such a great job at that. Does he shift uneasily in his chair? Break eye contact with her?
the more disturbed Grant was >> Not a fan of ending a sentence with 'was'. Could you change it to 'grew'?
as a frown crinkled her forehead >> Like this
Suspicious? No, surprised. >> LIke this, too
lazy, good-for-nothing so-and-so, he is >> No comma needed after 'so-and-so
YAY! With Grant and MOnica working together, they should be able to rescue her...I hope!
Great read! Thank you for allowing us to enjoy.
Blessings and forward-ho!
Debs

 Comment Written 30-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 31-Dec-2020

What can I say, but thank you so much! I've changed that sentence in my MS doc. This is how it reads now:

?When you say, specific, what do you mean?? Grant shifted uneasily in his seat, not liking this one little bit.

And I've changed the 'was' to, 'became' I put your sugestion in first, 'grew' but it made it a bit of a tongue-twister when I read it aloud... Grant grew... :) Or it could be my tongue and teeth!

Thank you again, Debs, I really have appreciated all your help! Have a wonderful New Year, stay safe in isolation and get well soon. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx

reply by DeboraDyess on 04-Jan-2021

Hey, I get the 'Grant grew' tongue-twister! My name is Debora Dyess! lol

reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021

LOL! It is, isn't it!! LOL. xxx

Comment from l.raven

Exceptional

Hi Sandra, go gettem girl...I read the last two lines slllloooowwww...so I could saver the story...so that it didn't seem like it would go so fast...you know how when I get to the end...it's as if your driving on the tail of the car in front of you...and they slam on the brakes...and I'm stuck sitting here staring at the page...wondering what the hail just happen...

but it didn't help...now I'm wondering what they plan on doing...the police would be a good thought...

Ok...I'll give Grant the benefit of the doubt...maybe he didn't have anything to do with it...but it was A LOT his
fault...

now all he has to do it call that slime...and tell him to bring in his ideas...and have a cop waiting...boy I'm good...has anyone seen my telephone??? ...LOL...

I loveeeee this story my amazing friend...and can't wait to fine Tania...an awesome chapter you...the reader truly doesn't like to stop...love you sweet girl...Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 16-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020

Howling with laughter here, Linda!! You are such a case!! LOL. Tania is back in the next part, this Sunday, so you'll get to see how she has been partying the night away with Colin. Lol.

I think you'll like what Grant does next, but that doesn't happen until the following part. :)) Even you you still don't trust him. :(

I had to make some changes in this part to explain how Grant believed they were his plans. Up until I changed them, there was no mention how he'd managed to draw them up. So I've had Grant explain how Colin only managed to scrape through his exams to get his licence but his plans weren't that great.

I have to be so careful that I get all the facts right. I was picked up twice on that point. (thank goodness!)

I sent you an email, don't know if you've seen it yet. I thought it would be nice to have a natter. :)) Thank you darling girl for another of your fun reviews and the six stars. I just had a thought, I think I'll collect all your reviews up and stick them at the end of the book!!! LOL. I'm sure I'd make millions! Or should I put them on the front cover???? Hmmm. Love you loads, my sweet friend. Take care and stay safe. :-)) xxxxxxxxxxxx

reply by l.raven on 17-Dec-2020

well if Tania's out partying...she's doing it with one shoe on...and pretty much in a coma...

should be interesting chapter...can't wait to read...

ok let me eat breakfast...and I'll go to my email....love you in bunches...xxoo

and your so welcome...loveeeeeee

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Sandra,

Really good job with this chapter - the only 'nit' I noticed was in the Characters -Evil Eddie jumped you again. *smile*

It doesn't make perfect sense to me that Colin suddenly turned up as an architect and then starting passing on plans. I mean, if my brother suddenly started handing me intricate plans of anything more than an outhouse, I'd have to call him on it.

I WOULD believe if Colin had gone to college or night school for architecture and never done anything with it -- and then he suddenly came up and said he'd been putting his nose to the grind and wanted a chance. You know?

Anyway - great job!

 Comment Written 16-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2020

Thank you so much for this great review, Robyn. You've already seen the changes, and I can't thank you enough for bringing it up. If you ever see anything that doesn't make sense, please let me know. Bless you, dear friend. :)) xxx

reply by robyn corum on 17-Dec-2020

Unfortunately, I am pretty much always far too honest. *smile* But I try to treat folks like I want to be treated. Thank you for being so receptive. Hugs-

Comment from Irene(Reene)

Exceptional

So, Sandra this is my very FIRST review and I must say that it was a honor to have you as the first. I started reading this at Chapter 12 but now I am required to go back and read the other chapters you have listed, lol. This is very engaging and entertaining. Keep going, you're doing great!!

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2020

Hi, Eve. What an amazing review to wake up to! I certainly want you in my corner, lol. Thank you so very much for the six stars, and the wonderful comments you've made. I would be so honoured to have you read the story from the start, but will understand if it's too long a haul. You have given me a great start to my day. Thank you. Warm hugs, my new friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from alexisleech

Exceptional

Another super chapter, Sandra. No drama, but a beautifully crafted interaction between two of the main characters that had me there in the room with them. Meanwhile, what is happening to Tania? As the hours tick by with no news of her, I dread to think!

Looking forward to finding out,

Alexis xxx

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2020

Thank you so much, Alexis, for such a lovely review. The stars are the icing on the chocolate fudge cake! Tune in on Sunday. Tania will make an appearence on Sunday. Thank you again, my dear friend. Warm hugs and much love. Sandra xx