Where Are All The Children
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Anna's Support"A vigilante takes down trafficing rings.
18 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
A gripping story that keeps the reader on the edge of his seat. Strong verbs that seal the imagination and keep the reader glued and on edge. Spot on realistic dialogue too. You have the gift stringing words.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2021
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A gripping story that keeps the reader on the edge of his seat. Strong verbs that seal the imagination and keep the reader glued and on edge. Spot on realistic dialogue too. You have the gift stringing words.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for such a marvelous, encouraging review. I was hoping this chapter would be strong, emotional. Let the reader get an idea what happened, all the horror these women have been through, the different branches of trafficking.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It sure isn't a pleasant story so far, and isn't likely to be. But it's told in a way that makes us believe the author knows her subject matter. Sharing what is usually kept secret. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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It sure isn't a pleasant story so far, and isn't likely to be. But it's told in a way that makes us believe the author knows her subject matter. Sharing what is usually kept secret. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter, your fabulous review and for all your encouragement. It always means so much to me.
These stories are disheartening, disturbing for sure, but people need to be made aware if anything is going to change. On the brighter side of this, survivors often find ways to help the ones still in the game. Get them the help and support they need. I'm planning on finishing the book with a chapter dedicated to them, the unsung heroes.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Terrible stories and I know they are all true. People can be so heartless, it amazes me what people are willing to do for money and they still don't even live well. Well done as always my dear.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Terrible stories and I know they are all true. People can be so heartless, it amazes me what people are willing to do for money and they still don't even live well. Well done as always my dear.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. The pimps are so cold, heartless. They see the girls as merchandise, not someone with a soul. I know Karma comes back three fold, but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Mia Twysted
Heart-wrenching story after heart-wrenching story. Then to leave the reader with the story of the little girl who just lost her parents. I want to reach out and hug them and tell them to be strong. I feel more like I was in the room with them. Reliving the horror with them. Nicely done Misty.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Heart-wrenching story after heart-wrenching story. Then to leave the reader with the story of the little girl who just lost her parents. I want to reach out and hug them and tell them to be strong. I feel more like I was in the room with them. Reliving the horror with them. Nicely done Misty.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and your fantastic rating. I am honored. Knowing you felt like you was in the room with them, means so much to me. I try hard to bring the readers into my fictional world.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouraging words and friendship. It means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Dreadful story, wish I hadn't read this--I mean that as high praise--cruelty graphically rendered in voices that ring true. Heartrending.
at arm's length [omit: away].
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Dreadful story, wish I hadn't read this--I mean that as high praise--cruelty graphically rendered in voices that ring true. Heartrending.
at arm's length [omit: away].
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Thank you for reading my chapter. Their heartbreaking stories were hard to write. Thinking a child has to endure this. I'm hoping by writing this story I'll raise awareness, maybe save a child's life.
Thank you again for reading my chapter. Your support is greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Sugarray77
Hi Misty. This is very well written and full of emotion and heart wrenching drama. It is hard to read stories like this, but you do an exemplary job in sharing them. I would mention that ..Florida.. is misspelled in a paragraph toward the bottom of the story. Well done.
Melissa
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Hi Misty. This is very well written and full of emotion and heart wrenching drama. It is hard to read stories like this, but you do an exemplary job in sharing them. I would mention that ..Florida.. is misspelled in a paragraph toward the bottom of the story. Well done.
Melissa
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter, encouraging words and for catching my mistake. Their stories are heart-wrenching, all they had to go through, and at such an early age. I hope by telling their stories, I can raise awareness, get them help, the changes they need.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mistydawn.
This chapter is very well written. The narration that you did with each individual girl/woman gives insight into the feelings and the life experience of each of them.
It actually reads somewhat like a documentary, only an emotional one. Incorporating the individual stories into the chapter is an excellent decision.
Suggestion:
check the spelling of Florida (Flordia)
Robert
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Hello Mistydawn.
This chapter is very well written. The narration that you did with each individual girl/woman gives insight into the feelings and the life experience of each of them.
It actually reads somewhat like a documentary, only an emotional one. Incorporating the individual stories into the chapter is an excellent decision.
Suggestion:
check the spelling of Florida (Flordia)
Robert
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic review. I'm very honored. Thank you for catching my mistake. I'm so glad my idea worked out. I had my doubts midweek, 100 rewrites in. It was a teaching chapter for sure.
Thank you again for all your help, support, wonderful encouragement and support. It always means the world to me, take care.
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You are doing well with this story.
Robert
Comment from Wendy G
I can't say that I enjoyed this piece, because all the stories are so horrific, and so real. But this is a part of life, and we must face it. The writing is good. Would be interested to read more.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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I can't say that I enjoyed this piece, because all the stories are so horrific, and so real. But this is a part of life, and we must face it. The writing is good. Would be interested to read more.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. I'm sure it's as hard for you to read as it was to write. If I can save one child's life, give someone hope, it'll be worth it.
Thank you again for reading my chapter. It's always greatly appreciated. Take care.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This story really speaks to me. People who are disenfranchised in our society, especially those victimized by human trafficking, particularly youth and those who are caught up in sex trafficking, need to be heard. Yes, I know that even young children are victimized -- it's not only criminal, but extremely evil. We've been working on this with my church, and trying to learn different ways to help those affected, or to prevent it from happening to others. Runaways and immigrants are particularly vulnerable.
I found some grammatical errors and made some suggestions:
I often became violent in our heated debates; A release of years of pent-up rage.
-->
I often became violent in our heated debates; a release of years of pent-up rage.
...ideally with people who's had similar experiences as me.
-->
...ideally with people who had similar experiences to mine.
I was afraid they'd shame me like they had in the past. Blame me for what happened to those men.
-->
I was afraid they'd shame me like they had in the past -- blame me for what happened to those men.
Some ladies stir in their chairs, while others fiddle with their hands. Each wishing they were anywhere but here.
-->
Some ladies stir in their chairs, while others fiddle with their hands; each wishing they were anywhere but here.
She flips the strand over her shoulder,
-->
She flips the thick braid over her shoulder,
She shakes her head and solemnly says, "I've been traded like a commodity ever since." ["ever since"? Maybe "I was traded like a commodity for many years to come." It is not realistic to think that a fiftyish woman in a high-necked dress at a survivors' meeting is still being sold as a sex slave.]
You probably think my nightmare should've begun the day the bars slammed too,
-->
You probably think my nightmare should've begun the day the bars slammed shut, [OR slammed to]
I started receiving letters from someone who claims he's a family friend.
-->
I started receiving letters from someone who claimed he was a family friend.
The money he put on my books and my fines.
-->
He put the money on my books and my fines. [It's still a little confusing, because we don't know what books and fines she's referring to.]
He'd often say things like, 'if you love me, you'll do this for me,' or 'this is a way to prove your loyalty to me,' if I was hesitant.
the occasional John ended up being four or more a day.
-->
the occasional john ended up being four or more a day.
I wished they'd put their arms around me and tell me they love me, that it'll be alright."
-->
I wished they'd put their arms around me and tell me they loved me, that it'll be alright."
Heart-wrenching sobs echoes across the room.
-->
Heart-wrenching sobs echo across the room.
The blond head, the blue-eyed ten-year-old says, "I was on vacation with my family in Flordia."
-->
The blond haired, blue-eyed ten-year-old says, "I was on vacation with my family in Florida."
She tearfully adds, "This would've happened if I hadn't wanted a pop."
-->
She tearfully adds, "This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't wanted a pop."
"Someone grabs me and pulls me into a van.
-->
"Someone grabbed me and pulled me into a van. [You're using the present tense for your story, but the people speaking are using the past tense to tell their stories.]
...or they'll kill me and use my baby sister instead. "Like Isabella, I've been moved from place to place. Each worse than the last." She sobs.
-->
...or they'll kill me and use my baby sister instead. Like Isabella, I've been moved from place to place, each worse than the last," She sobs.
"I want to see my family again, but I don't know what they'll think about me if they could love me, knowing what I've done."
-->
"I want to see my family again, but I don't know what they'll think about me or if they could love me, knowing what I've done."
Tears fill her young sad eyes.
-->
Tears fill her young, sad eyes.
Drying her eyes, Gabby sniffles sits up, and says,
-->
Drying her eyes, Gabby sniffles, sits up, and says,
***
I'd like to continue following your story, and to learn more about Anna, your main character.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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This story really speaks to me. People who are disenfranchised in our society, especially those victimized by human trafficking, particularly youth and those who are caught up in sex trafficking, need to be heard. Yes, I know that even young children are victimized -- it's not only criminal, but extremely evil. We've been working on this with my church, and trying to learn different ways to help those affected, or to prevent it from happening to others. Runaways and immigrants are particularly vulnerable.
I found some grammatical errors and made some suggestions:
I often became violent in our heated debates; A release of years of pent-up rage.
-->
I often became violent in our heated debates; a release of years of pent-up rage.
...ideally with people who's had similar experiences as me.
-->
...ideally with people who had similar experiences to mine.
I was afraid they'd shame me like they had in the past. Blame me for what happened to those men.
-->
I was afraid they'd shame me like they had in the past -- blame me for what happened to those men.
Some ladies stir in their chairs, while others fiddle with their hands. Each wishing they were anywhere but here.
-->
Some ladies stir in their chairs, while others fiddle with their hands; each wishing they were anywhere but here.
She flips the strand over her shoulder,
-->
She flips the thick braid over her shoulder,
She shakes her head and solemnly says, "I've been traded like a commodity ever since." ["ever since"? Maybe "I was traded like a commodity for many years to come." It is not realistic to think that a fiftyish woman in a high-necked dress at a survivors' meeting is still being sold as a sex slave.]
You probably think my nightmare should've begun the day the bars slammed too,
-->
You probably think my nightmare should've begun the day the bars slammed shut, [OR slammed to]
I started receiving letters from someone who claims he's a family friend.
-->
I started receiving letters from someone who claimed he was a family friend.
The money he put on my books and my fines.
-->
He put the money on my books and my fines. [It's still a little confusing, because we don't know what books and fines she's referring to.]
He'd often say things like, 'if you love me, you'll do this for me,' or 'this is a way to prove your loyalty to me,' if I was hesitant.
the occasional John ended up being four or more a day.
-->
the occasional john ended up being four or more a day.
I wished they'd put their arms around me and tell me they love me, that it'll be alright."
-->
I wished they'd put their arms around me and tell me they loved me, that it'll be alright."
Heart-wrenching sobs echoes across the room.
-->
Heart-wrenching sobs echo across the room.
The blond head, the blue-eyed ten-year-old says, "I was on vacation with my family in Flordia."
-->
The blond haired, blue-eyed ten-year-old says, "I was on vacation with my family in Florida."
She tearfully adds, "This would've happened if I hadn't wanted a pop."
-->
She tearfully adds, "This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't wanted a pop."
"Someone grabs me and pulls me into a van.
-->
"Someone grabbed me and pulled me into a van. [You're using the present tense for your story, but the people speaking are using the past tense to tell their stories.]
...or they'll kill me and use my baby sister instead. "Like Isabella, I've been moved from place to place. Each worse than the last." She sobs.
-->
...or they'll kill me and use my baby sister instead. Like Isabella, I've been moved from place to place, each worse than the last," She sobs.
"I want to see my family again, but I don't know what they'll think about me if they could love me, knowing what I've done."
-->
"I want to see my family again, but I don't know what they'll think about me or if they could love me, knowing what I've done."
Tears fill her young sad eyes.
-->
Tears fill her young, sad eyes.
Drying her eyes, Gabby sniffles sits up, and says,
-->
Drying her eyes, Gabby sniffles, sits up, and says,
***
I'd like to continue following your story, and to learn more about Anna, your main character.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for such and extensive review. Your help is always greatly appreciated. I'm honored that you think it deserves such high marks. The sentence you said was confusing, I changed to this. The money he'd given me in prison and what it took to pay off my fines. I hope that helps.
Anna was kidnapped from her village at the age of ten. She was taken to a massage parlor, then moved to a tobacco field in 1993. She's telling her story, how she survived hoping to raise awareness. The second part to this story, present day is a vigilante, exposing sexual deviants for who they are.
The police are baffled despite her clues.
Thank you again for reading my chapter and for all your help. It means so much to me, take care.
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You're very welcome, Mistydawn. Yes, I think the new wording helps to clear up the confusion. I'm glad you appreciate my help :-)
You take care too, stay safe and God bless you. - Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Misty**
I voted for this. Congratulations for being nominated. Doesn't feel good?
This is excellent: ""The men can't want what they don't see." This has always been a red flag that someone's been abused. This good you are addressing this.
This story is becoming educational. This is a perfect example of grooming. Good input. "He started putting money into my account to buy a few things, and he sent me letters twice a week."
Not just kids are groomed; any vulnerable individual. You're showing the broad picture.
This is another traumatic effect you've covered: "but I don't know what they'll think about me if they could love me, knowing what I've done."
Somehow, you are adeptly balancing all of the important issues. This is excellent. I have to give you A+
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Misty**
I voted for this. Congratulations for being nominated. Doesn't feel good?
This is excellent: ""The men can't want what they don't see." This has always been a red flag that someone's been abused. This good you are addressing this.
This story is becoming educational. This is a perfect example of grooming. Good input. "He started putting money into my account to buy a few things, and he sent me letters twice a week."
Not just kids are groomed; any vulnerable individual. You're showing the broad picture.
This is another traumatic effect you've covered: "but I don't know what they'll think about me if they could love me, knowing what I've done."
Somehow, you are adeptly balancing all of the important issues. This is excellent. I have to give you A+
Comment Written 06-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for such fantastic review and such encouraging words. I'm honored you think it deserves such high marks. Years of watching Law and order payed off. I was hoping I'd have their type of impact. Show how damaged the girls are. How broad trafficking goes.
Thank you again for all your support, your help, and marvelous encouragement. It always means the world to me, take care.