Viewing the World With Fresh Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Neighbor's Chinkapin Tree"The fifteen Years of My Life
18 total reviews
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
Yours is an interesting and very well-told story. You did a good job keeping us interested as you slowly raised the energy of the story. I was starting to be afraid you were raped. I am so happy you were able to fight for yourself. Your Mom must have irritated you a lot, especially when being willing to host the shower at the end. There is neighborliness and then there is being used by neighbors. I wonder if your Mom was an immigrant to this country. I have often seen this kind of going beyond what is neccessary from immigrants wanting to fit in and wanting not to offend. Nice job with your story and blessings to your family.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Yours is an interesting and very well-told story. You did a good job keeping us interested as you slowly raised the energy of the story. I was starting to be afraid you were raped. I am so happy you were able to fight for yourself. Your Mom must have irritated you a lot, especially when being willing to host the shower at the end. There is neighborliness and then there is being used by neighbors. I wonder if your Mom was an immigrant to this country. I have often seen this kind of going beyond what is neccessary from immigrants wanting to fit in and wanting not to offend. Nice job with your story and blessings to your family.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the great review. I see you realized this was a true story, fictionalized by dialogue and name changes. No, Mom was not an immigrant, just a Southern lady who was raised to not offend the neighbors.
Beth
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I didn't know for sure that it was non-fiction but you made it sound very real so I thought it was. I have met Southern ladies who also hate to displease. Thank you for your story.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello BethShelby,
Nice piece of General Fiction having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and depicting the story related to neighbors in a natural way.
Lovely presentation. Interesting Indeed!
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Hello BethShelby,
Nice piece of General Fiction having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and depicting the story related to neighbors in a natural way.
Lovely presentation. Interesting Indeed!
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I will confess that the fictional part was the dialogue and the name changes. This was actually what happened to me.
Beth
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Beth, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Mysterrii
Though the writing is a little sporadic and it seems to be incomplete, the author is very good at writing with details that let you know how they felt. A little more structure and this could be a nice little excerpt about why all neighbors don't belong in that category of "neighbors can do no wrong".
This is not the kind of stuff I normally read, but this story was entertaining and kept me intrigued until the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Though the writing is a little sporadic and it seems to be incomplete, the author is very good at writing with details that let you know how they felt. A little more structure and this could be a nice little excerpt about why all neighbors don't belong in that category of "neighbors can do no wrong".
This is not the kind of stuff I normally read, but this story was entertaining and kept me intrigued until the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Thank you for review. I've never gotten a rating this low on anything before. I'm glad you were entertained.
Bertj
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello unknown author telling us of a A young girl's experience with the neighbors.
and your excellent writing telling of a young girl's experience with the neighbors that had a Chinkapin Tree .
was a bit intense and well written.
Gert
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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Hello unknown author telling us of a A young girl's experience with the neighbors.
and your excellent writing telling of a young girl's experience with the neighbors that had a Chinkapin Tree .
was a bit intense and well written.
Gert
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the review and nice comments.
:-)
Comment from minkay6
This piece was excellently written. It was thoughtful, engaging and provocative. I loved the juxtaposition of the mother's point of view with the daughter's point of view, and the inevitable conflict that arose. Also the personalities of the characters were as steady and sure as a gentle rain. In the case of Henry, his character was just as deadly as a wild animal lying in wait for its prey. Well done!
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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This piece was excellently written. It was thoughtful, engaging and provocative. I loved the juxtaposition of the mother's point of view with the daughter's point of view, and the inevitable conflict that arose. Also the personalities of the characters were as steady and sure as a gentle rain. In the case of Henry, his character was just as deadly as a wild animal lying in wait for its prey. Well done!
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the excellent in depth review. I really appreciate you analysis.
:-)
Comment from Sanku
My mother is something like your mother.saying no to a neighbour is very difficult for her .I enjoyed your write. The best part is your mothers reaction to what happened ...All the best for the contest
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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My mother is something like your mother.saying no to a neighbour is very difficult for her .I enjoyed your write. The best part is your mothers reaction to what happened ...All the best for the contest
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for the review and comments.
:-)
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, The Neighbor's Chinkapin Tree, is so well told. You have presented this highly believable account for two families existing within a one-sided relationship for years.
The resolution to the story occurs within the rules of the mother's beliefs, the the incident really does nothing to change the relationship of non-offensiveness.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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This story, The Neighbor's Chinkapin Tree, is so well told. You have presented this highly believable account for two families existing within a one-sided relationship for years.
The resolution to the story occurs within the rules of the mother's beliefs, the the incident really does nothing to change the relationship of non-offensiveness.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the review on my story. I appreciate your comments.
:-)
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is a wonderful story, with believable characters and a very likable protagonist. The young villain of the story is also a real creep! I don't know if the teenaged Betty Jean knew what Henry Jr. seemed to want to do to her, but she certainly had good fighting instincts.
I found some very minor grammatical issues and offer the following suggestions for revisions:
Mom dressed me up in a long dress and informed me that the Caulwell's needed me at the reception.
-->
Mom dressed me up in a long dress and informed me that the Caulwells needed me at the reception.
No matter how much I'd beg Mom not to make me go, she always say, ...
-->
No matter how much I'd beg Mom not to make me go, she'd always say, ...
If I'd brought my knife I'd looked for him and killed him."
-->
If I'd have brought my knife I'd have looked for him and killed him."
Mom insisted in hosting a wedding shower for them.
-->
Mom insisted on hosting a wedding shower for them.
I can picture the whole situation, with a family bent on pleasing the neighbors, and a frustrated young girl caught in the middle. I would love to have learned her father's reaction, if he found out how Henry Jr. treated his daughter on their little date in the woods! But I guess that would have complicated the ending of your story.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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This is a wonderful story, with believable characters and a very likable protagonist. The young villain of the story is also a real creep! I don't know if the teenaged Betty Jean knew what Henry Jr. seemed to want to do to her, but she certainly had good fighting instincts.
I found some very minor grammatical issues and offer the following suggestions for revisions:
Mom dressed me up in a long dress and informed me that the Caulwell's needed me at the reception.
-->
Mom dressed me up in a long dress and informed me that the Caulwells needed me at the reception.
No matter how much I'd beg Mom not to make me go, she always say, ...
-->
No matter how much I'd beg Mom not to make me go, she'd always say, ...
If I'd brought my knife I'd looked for him and killed him."
-->
If I'd have brought my knife I'd have looked for him and killed him."
Mom insisted in hosting a wedding shower for them.
-->
Mom insisted on hosting a wedding shower for them.
I can picture the whole situation, with a family bent on pleasing the neighbors, and a frustrated young girl caught in the middle. I would love to have learned her father's reaction, if he found out how Henry Jr. treated his daughter on their little date in the woods! But I guess that would have complicated the ending of your story.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much Mary Kay. As always I really appreciate your help with the editing. I'm guessing you may know who wrote this. I'll confess it is a true story fictionalized by dialogue. The names and place was changed. My dad never found out what happened. He might done some to have gotten himself in trouble if he found out.
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Wow! Yes, the writer's voice seemed familiar to me. Based also on your reply, I am fairly sure that I know who it is! You're right -- if your father found out about the incident, he might have landed himself in real trouble. Also, I suspected that the story was based on true events -- I can really picture these things happening between two families. You really had a narrow escape. Who knows what else that guy did in his lifetime, to take advantage of girls and women? He certainly didn't respect them!
It makes an excellent story, and is a good example of how young girls can listen to that inner voice of caution and stand up for themselves, if the situation calls for it.
Comment from Sankey
What a great story. What a creep. Neighbours can be a pain. Only one little spag this time. and thanks for telling me about the story. family never offen[c](d)ed any of
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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What a great story. What a creep. Neighbours can be a pain. Only one little spag this time. and thanks for telling me about the story. family never offen[c](d)ed any of
Comment Written 02-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you for reading my story. This neighbor was a creep. My mom could bear to offend anyone and she always tried to think the best of them. She was little naïve that way. I appreciate the six stars and the heads up on the spag.
Comment from GollyGreen32
Hi!
I enjoyed your story. I didn't know that the chinkapin was a nut. When I read the title, I thought about the movie "Steel Magnolias" because Dolly Parton mentions Chinkapin Parrish in Louisiana. Your ending caught me by surprise. I thought Henry Jr. would get more of his just deserts, though.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Hi!
I enjoyed your story. I didn't know that the chinkapin was a nut. When I read the title, I thought about the movie "Steel Magnolias" because Dolly Parton mentions Chinkapin Parrish in Louisiana. Your ending caught me by surprise. I thought Henry Jr. would get more of his just deserts, though.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the review and comments. It is a Southern story and chinkapin is a southern tree.
