The Greys
extermination7 total reviews
Comment from Goodadvicechan
The author is a good story teller. There are moments Tom was in fear and scared. Given past bad experience, he made the right choice to climb up a all tree.
Good work.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
  |
The author is a good story teller. There are moments Tom was in fear and scared. Given past bad experience, he made the right choice to climb up a all tree.
Good work.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2020
-
Thank you:)
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is a really interesting take on the story prompt, but I'm sorry, the writing needs some work. "...and for safety measure he climbed into the tallest tree waiting. " Did you mean to say "to be safe, he climbed the tallest tree and waited" ? Its not really a "safety measure", people general climb trees or up trees but not into trees, and the way you've written it, the tree is waiting for him when I assume he climbed the tree to wait?
Later on you switch tenses several times in mid sentence. It's very confusing. "If Tony looked up, he will be a dead man" and "Tom was praying that the other man is unarmed."
Otherwise a really interesting take on the prompt.
 |
This is a really interesting take on the story prompt, but I'm sorry, the writing needs some work. "...and for safety measure he climbed into the tallest tree waiting. " Did you mean to say "to be safe, he climbed the tallest tree and waited" ? Its not really a "safety measure", people general climb trees or up trees but not into trees, and the way you've written it, the tree is waiting for him when I assume he climbed the tree to wait?
Later on you switch tenses several times in mid sentence. It's very confusing. "If Tony looked up, he will be a dead man" and "Tom was praying that the other man is unarmed."
Otherwise a really interesting take on the prompt.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
Comment from Lobber
very powerful vision of a world where bunnies rule. As you frame it ....) . . . We are wolves now, and we don't want to go back to that hole-shit. No more playing, God! You hear me? Leave us!"( An intriguing bit of writing.
- Lobber
|
very powerful vision of a world where bunnies rule. As you frame it ....) . . . We are wolves now, and we don't want to go back to that hole-shit. No more playing, God! You hear me? Leave us!"( An intriguing bit of writing.
- Lobber
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
Comment from Bill Schott
This short story, The Greys, has a bizarre tale as its back story, which leads to this scene with the required lead in of foot prints. The talking wolves leads me to know where all that came from.
|
This short story, The Greys, has a bizarre tale as its back story, which leads to this scene with the required lead in of foot prints. The talking wolves leads me to know where all that came from.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2020
Comment from lyenochka
What an interesting premise for a sci-fi story. So Tom and the wolves are living a separate life and the wolves evolved to actually speak! Hope they can stay safe and away. Best wishes in the contest!
Now, these footprints where changing the game. (were?)
|
What an interesting premise for a sci-fi story. So Tom and the wolves are living a separate life and the wolves evolved to actually speak! Hope they can stay safe and away. Best wishes in the contest!
Now, these footprints where changing the game. (were?)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
What a unique piece you have created. I sense a curious wonder about whether this traveler is hallucinating or clear headed. You paint a vivid depiction of the cold and the solitude. So well done.
|
What a unique piece you have created. I sense a curious wonder about whether this traveler is hallucinating or clear headed. You paint a vivid depiction of the cold and the solitude. So well done.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Well narrated, very supenseful. This would work best as part of a longer story--do you have a word limit?
for a long timethere [time there] was
our devices has [HAVE] registered
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
|
Well narrated, very supenseful. This would work best as part of a longer story--do you have a word limit?
for a long timethere [time there] was
our devices has [HAVE] registered
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
-
Hi Liz, it must be 250:( thank you so much for your prompt review:)
