Where Are All The Children
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Astronomical Win"A vigilante takes down trafficing rings.
12 total reviews
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is an interesting chapter with lots of action.
However, some of the language is passive and awkward. I like that there is so much dialogue, and I really like the texting back and forth with the vigilante. I found the reference to "their" vigilante a bit jarring. Why not just "the" vigilante. Also writing in the present tense is bold and engaging but it makes references in the past tense stand out. " So she was a victim" should be "So she is a victim." When she finds out the text comes from Africa, there is a typo - should be "You're right," not your. Also Africa is a place, not a group of people so "their borders are closed" should be "its borders..." and what does it matter if the borders are closed when texting?
Sorry if these sound like picky items, but they got in the way of me enjoying the read as much as I could have - because it really is a compelling story. I can't wait to read more.
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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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This is an interesting chapter with lots of action.
However, some of the language is passive and awkward. I like that there is so much dialogue, and I really like the texting back and forth with the vigilante. I found the reference to "their" vigilante a bit jarring. Why not just "the" vigilante. Also writing in the present tense is bold and engaging but it makes references in the past tense stand out. " So she was a victim" should be "So she is a victim." When she finds out the text comes from Africa, there is a typo - should be "You're right," not your. Also Africa is a place, not a group of people so "their borders are closed" should be "its borders..." and what does it matter if the borders are closed when texting?
Sorry if these sound like picky items, but they got in the way of me enjoying the read as much as I could have - because it really is a compelling story. I can't wait to read more.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did make the needed changes. Thanks for catching that.
See, the vigilante is leading the police to different sexual deviants, sixteen so far. Twelve were posted on the web, two naked on the lawn, one hung in a shed and one tied to his kitchen chair. All this was in Atlanta, Ga, so traveling, texting in Africa would be impossible.
Thank you again for reading my chapter and for catching my mistakes. It's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Mia Twysted
Are they "worthless" indeed? Are they telling the truth? I was tuck to the computer the whole time I like the4 way she is texting the poilce4 and helping yet taunting them with who she really is.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Are they "worthless" indeed? Are they telling the truth? I was tuck to the computer the whole time I like the4 way she is texting the poilce4 and helping yet taunting them with who she really is.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for such a kind review I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Pimps are worthless, heartless scums for sure. The vigilant has just begun messing with them, lol.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I often wonder just how many leads are actually followed up on or just left to lie on a desk until it's too late, as overwhelmed departments can't chase them all. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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I often wonder just how many leads are actually followed up on or just left to lie on a desk until it's too late, as overwhelmed departments can't chase them all. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for such a marvelous review. I'm honored. I'm sure they have to prioritize, go with the ones they think will pan out. Maybe send beat cops to check out the rest.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means so much to me. Take care.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Well the vigilante is really getting even. The kind of things you dream about doing if only I were a brave person. =] I'm looking forward to finding out who it is, though I have a small idea. =] And who is corrupt on the police force.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Well the vigilante is really getting even. The kind of things you dream about doing if only I were a brave person. =] I'm looking forward to finding out who it is, though I have a small idea. =] And who is corrupt on the police force.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter It's always greatly appreciated. I too would love to help the vigilante out, if I were brave enough. Only I don't think I'd be so kind. Think I'd make them feel a small portion of the pain they put the girls through. Don't worry, it'll never happen, not in real life anyhow. So you think you know do you. You could be right.
Thank you so much for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Mistydawn.
In this chapter you wade a little more into the weeds of the circumstances surrounding these nefarious people. Some of it is a little cryptic, but it shows the extent that they will go to to commit their horrible acts.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Hello Mistydawn.
In this chapter you wade a little more into the weeds of the circumstances surrounding these nefarious people. Some of it is a little cryptic, but it shows the extent that they will go to to commit their horrible acts.
Robert
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. Your support is always greatly appreciated. These sexual deviants will go to great lengths to hide their sexual acts. Encrypting files, employing higher-ups, whatever it takes.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
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You're welcome
Comment from Cindy Warren
I know cops aren't supposed to allow vigil antes to operate, but perhaps in this case they should make an exception She's doing a better job than they are.
...children's photo's pasted to the trestle...photos doesn't need the apostrophe.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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I know cops aren't supposed to allow vigil antes to operate, but perhaps in this case they should make an exception She's doing a better job than they are.
...children's photo's pasted to the trestle...photos doesn't need the apostrophe.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for catching my mistake. There always seems to be a handful that slips past me, darn it.
Maybe they should. She is taking them down fast and in a hurry, lol.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like how the vigilante says "they didn't find her when she needed them" and as a juxtaposition or opposite meaning," and they're not going to find her now" I love how you draw the reader in with the announcement that one of them is dirty. The clue about abduction from her village could be a clue. This is a great story.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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I like how the vigilante says "they didn't find her when she needed them" and as a juxtaposition or opposite meaning," and they're not going to find her now" I love how you draw the reader in with the announcement that one of them is dirty. The clue about abduction from her village could be a clue. This is a great story.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for commenting about things that you liked about it. Toni had been working with him awhile and doesn't want to believe it's true. I guess it would be a hard pill to swallow. Thinking you know someone when you really don't. It is a clue.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouraging words and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Have you watched Big Sky yet? You should. It's getting better and better. It's similar to mine yet different. It'll be interesting to see how they take it.
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I like to watch many episodes all at once. I think it's got about 3 or 4 now. So time to begin. I'll let you know. Maybe you can get even more ideads.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
I am so happy you are writing on this subject. It is about time someone is opening people's eyes to this horrible problem world over. Wonderful piece of writing.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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I am so happy you are writing on this subject. It is about time someone is opening people's eyes to this horrible problem world over. Wonderful piece of writing.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. I'm hoping to raise awareness, get others involved, maybe even save a life. I think maybe the last chapter to be about the real survivors. How they've turned their life around and are now helping others. What do you think?
Thank you again for reading my chapter, all your support, encouragement and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
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I think that is a perfect way to end this book!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Now we think we're getting somewhere, but are we? That was a shock about Brad Beck! Is he really involved? Actually, the most unlikely people are the ones that need closer inspection. That poor women has been holding this inside herself all that time, now she wants justice, and she's getting it in the only way she knows how. The police didn't do much, that's for sure. Another great chapter in this amazing story, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Now we think we're getting somewhere, but are we? That was a shock about Brad Beck! Is he really involved? Actually, the most unlikely people are the ones that need closer inspection. That poor women has been holding this inside herself all that time, now she wants justice, and she's getting it in the only way she knows how. The police didn't do much, that's for sure. Another great chapter in this amazing story, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for such a marvelous review and such encouraging words. The clues are vague and can Brad remember that far back? You're so right, Hollywood has painted a fictitious image of what sexual deviants are. This is one reason why they get by with what they do. The Vigilante is determined to save others from having such a horrid fate.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from royowen
That would be interesting to receive, a victim turned vigilante, only feet tall, how does she do it if she's only small? But the police have something to go on, and they've got someone who knows the predators. Well done, great episode, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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That would be interesting to receive, a victim turned vigilante, only feet tall, how does she do it if she's only small? But the police have something to go on, and they've got someone who knows the predators. Well done, great episode, blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and for such a warm review. They say, dynamite comes in small packages and this is true for her. She carries a big stick,l ol. He saw her, but did he get a name? Can he even remember since it was two decades ago?
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Very well done
