Traffic
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Berries for a Reward"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
11 total reviews
Comment from Ben B.
Ok, interesting but also a slightly confusing chapter you wrote here. One moment they are looking at bodies with no explanation where they came from (first chapter I read from your book) next she's joking about her camera. A little cold in my book.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
  |
Ok, interesting but also a slightly confusing chapter you wrote here. One moment they are looking at bodies with no explanation where they came from (first chapter I read from your book) next she's joking about her camera. A little cold in my book.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
-
The bodies are fallen trees. I have a soul feeling when many trees are cut down. Up the road from where I live is a place where they cut down many trees and the images were left on the base of the trees. It was quite uncanny to see such "tattoos" But my belief is the spirits of the slaughtered Native Americans in this area went into the trees. Here's an example
https://i.ebayimg.com/images/i/322182191070-0-1/s-l1000.jpg
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Your story has a lot of adventure, but also a lot of emotion, drama and even some horror, because of the violence that has evidently occurred. I realize that coming into a story midway, it's difficult to get a good grasp on the plot, but it seems well written and your characters are likable.
I offer the following suggestions for improvement, at your discretion:
The colonial soldiers, stealing their lands and home, and dignity chased them in a cat and mouse game of life and death."
-->
The colonial soldiers, stealing their lands, home, and dignity, chased them in a cat and mouse game of life and death."
"I think by that by heading to the left, we'd be ending back at the car, going right will get us closer to finding the sign Kai Zita told us would be the last segment of this trek."
-->
"I think that by heading to the left, we'd be ending back at the car, but going right will get us closer to finding the sign Kai Zita told us would be the last segment of this trek."
She wondered if what she was seeing was real or merely, a fantasy vision through the mist.
-->
She wondered if what she was seeing was real, or merely a fantasy vision through the mist.
This seems like a fascinating story, with many references to Native American culture.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
|
Your story has a lot of adventure, but also a lot of emotion, drama and even some horror, because of the violence that has evidently occurred. I realize that coming into a story midway, it's difficult to get a good grasp on the plot, but it seems well written and your characters are likable.
I offer the following suggestions for improvement, at your discretion:
The colonial soldiers, stealing their lands and home, and dignity chased them in a cat and mouse game of life and death."
-->
The colonial soldiers, stealing their lands, home, and dignity, chased them in a cat and mouse game of life and death."
"I think by that by heading to the left, we'd be ending back at the car, going right will get us closer to finding the sign Kai Zita told us would be the last segment of this trek."
-->
"I think that by heading to the left, we'd be ending back at the car, but going right will get us closer to finding the sign Kai Zita told us would be the last segment of this trek."
She wondered if what she was seeing was real or merely, a fantasy vision through the mist.
-->
She wondered if what she was seeing was real, or merely a fantasy vision through the mist.
This seems like a fascinating story, with many references to Native American culture.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your enthusiastic, supportive review. If you are interested, you could go to my portfolio to read the first chapters. There is no review necessary. Some of the most important chapters are 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 10, 12, 13
-
You're so very welcome, Liz! I have been unusually busy lately, but if I have a chance to go back and read some of your earlier chapters, I will know which ones are more important. Thanks for letting me know. God bless you, my friend. Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from M. Meraki
Quite enjoyed the swiftness with which your writing draws attention, builds characters, and weaves themes throughout. This was quite an enjoyable read!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
|
Quite enjoyed the swiftness with which your writing draws attention, builds characters, and weaves themes throughout. This was quite an enjoyable read!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your enthusiastic review. If you enjoy suspense you are invited to read Ch. 1-13 on my portfolio. It is about Liz & Linda rescuing 10 Native American teens from a trafficking operation. Every chapter has suspense. No review is necessary. Just enjoy.
Comment from AnnieDawn
A good, well written chapter with strong characters that reads smoothly. I enjoyed reading this chapter and have only one suggestion for correction. Great job.
Taking in the panorama where the fogged thinned through the trees,(remove "ged" from fogged)
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
|
A good, well written chapter with strong characters that reads smoothly. I enjoyed reading this chapter and have only one suggestion for correction. Great job.
Taking in the panorama where the fogged thinned through the trees,(remove "ged" from fogged)
Comment Written 09-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your supportive review. That was a good suggestion too. If you want to read my part about rescuing the Native American teens you can skim through ch.1-13 in my portfolio. No reviews are necessary. Just enjoy.
Comment from J. Raphael
First paragraph set your scene well.The paragraph beginning with "An unnerving....kept me reading. The climbing up and down the hill of course is a metaphor (well used here) Berries symbolize the hopefullness of spirit-Well done-R
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
|
First paragraph set your scene well.The paragraph beginning with "An unnerving....kept me reading. The climbing up and down the hill of course is a metaphor (well used here) Berries symbolize the hopefullness of spirit-Well done-R
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your comprehensive review. This much like the reviews I do. I you'd like to read the chapters about the rescuing from Trafficking we do in Ch 1-13 you are welcome. No review is necessary. Just enjoy.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Liz and her friend are on another adventure and it has as a reward some berries, but there are ancient spirits in the air that are trying to find their resting place. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
|
Liz and her friend are on another adventure and it has as a reward some berries, but there are ancient spirits in the air that are trying to find their resting place. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you are enjoying the series.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Kind of a mixture between wishing them well and the awful sounds they keep hearing... but berries are certainly a wonderful treat (fog and all)! :) :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
Be sure to pop back in there and remove the gnome graffiti from your author notes
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
|
Kind of a mixture between wishing them well and the awful sounds they keep hearing... but berries are certainly a wonderful treat (fog and all)! :) :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
Be sure to pop back in there and remove the gnome graffiti from your author notes
Comment Written 07-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your involved and helpful review. Thank for spotting the gnome graffitti. It is very annoying.
Comment from Mistydawn
Your story is well-written, interesting. Your great description made it easy to picture the images in my mind, the path they were on in my mind. Your characters seem real, believable. It'll be interesting to see if it's a mirage or if it's real.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
|
Your story is well-written, interesting. Your great description made it easy to picture the images in my mind, the path they were on in my mind. Your characters seem real, believable. It'll be interesting to see if it's a mirage or if it's real.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I'm glad you're enjoying the series.
Comment from aryr
Another great continuation chapter, Liz. I really enjoyed the girl's latest adventure, the treachery of the path going down and of course of the return path. It was interesting to learn of cairns of which I have seen more than my share. I liked their rational when choosing a direction. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
|
Another great continuation chapter, Liz. I really enjoyed the girl's latest adventure, the treachery of the path going down and of course of the return path. It was interesting to learn of cairns of which I have seen more than my share. I liked their rational when choosing a direction. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for the lovely review. I'm so glad you are enjoying my story. I am honored to be in Indian country here in Vermont. There are turtle cairns, serpent cairns, & I have a raised rock with carvings under it about 20 feet from my car. There's a wonderful fb page called Celebrating the Ceremonial Stone Landscapes of Turtle
Island. The Adm Tim takes a stone wall & circles the images of serpents he sees. It is fun. It has opened my eyes to so much around here.
-
You are so welcome Liz, it is interesting isn't it? Blessings.
-
You are so welcome Liz, it is interesting isn't it? Blessings.
Comment from lyenochka
I wasn't quite sure about the massacre that Liz and Linda saw. Was it a massacre of trees? Who did it? What was the connection to the pictures that she posted on Facebook? Did the cut trees have these images in the cut wood? I'm glad after all their hard journey, they got some food!
Minor comments:
hat chain saw racket (chainsaw)
Remember that one? (Missing an open quote)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
|
I wasn't quite sure about the massacre that Liz and Linda saw. Was it a massacre of trees? Who did it? What was the connection to the pictures that she posted on Facebook? Did the cut trees have these images in the cut wood? I'm glad after all their hard journey, they got some food!
Minor comments:
hat chain saw racket (chainsaw)
Remember that one? (Missing an open quote)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
-
Thank you for your involved review. Yes, it was slaughter of trees. I have many pictures of trees'ends with images on them. It's quite a phenomenon for me to have up the road where they were cutting trees very near an Indian burial ground. I've never seen anything like it.