Renga Multi-Author Book
Viewing comments for Chapter 94 "Early Light of Day"Renga is a Japanese linked poetry 5/7/5 and 7/7
10 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Oh, my--what a menacing subject! I did not expect the final line of your 5-7-5 afer seeing the pleasant picture. Thank you for adding to the Renga book- Joan
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Oh, my--what a menacing subject! I did not expect the final line of your 5-7-5 afer seeing the pleasant picture. Thank you for adding to the Renga book- Joan
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much, Joan. I am grateful for your review.
Hugs
Gypsy
Comment from juliaSjames
I love the construction of this write, Gypsy. The deer drinking at dawn, unaware of danger. The hunter silently approaching.
The reader knows what will happen. No need to spell it out.
I think it should be "hunter's steps" unless you had another meaning in mind.
Beautiful work.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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I love the construction of this write, Gypsy. The deer drinking at dawn, unaware of danger. The hunter silently approaching.
The reader knows what will happen. No need to spell it out.
I think it should be "hunter's steps" unless you had another meaning in mind.
Beautiful work.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for your review, feedback, and time. I appreciate you. I fixed the mistake.
Hugs,
Gypsy
Comment from Y. M. Roger
it's that silence that portends danger here, Gypsy, and your reader can almost see the deer stop and look/listen... :) Well done, my lady -- thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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it's that silence that portends danger here, Gypsy, and your reader can almost see the deer stop and look/listen... :) Well done, my lady -- thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem. Happy election day!
Hugs,
Gypsy
Comment from Mark Schardine
doe drinks chilled water
in the early light of day --
can't hear hunter steps
The reader can hear the loud sound of the bullet, which will shatter the calm of this scene.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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doe drinks chilled water
in the early light of day --
can't hear hunter steps
The reader can hear the loud sound of the bullet, which will shatter the calm of this scene.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Mark :)
Comment from Mark D. R.
GBR,
OK, satori gets changed along with doe. Either ending is a good one. The original had the animal as the hunter, now we substitute the dreaded human (-;
Your selected picture is haunting.
Mark
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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GBR,
OK, satori gets changed along with doe. Either ending is a good one. The original had the animal as the hunter, now we substitute the dreaded human (-;
Your selected picture is haunting.
Mark
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much, Mark. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Hugs,
Gypsy
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine poem, Gypsy--and hunting is a sport (?) that absolutely sickens me. If they'd just take a camera instead of a gun when they sneak up on an animal, I can understand that, but to blow it away?
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Another fine poem, Gypsy--and hunting is a sport (?) that absolutely sickens me. If they'd just take a camera instead of a gun when they sneak up on an animal, I can understand that, but to blow it away?
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much, Mike. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Hugs,
Gypsy
Comment from Jasmine Girl
What a beautiful poem with a nice picture for the Renga book. Whose accent did dow smell? Running away due to a danger memory is reasonable. Even a young dow has it. So smart.
Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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What a beautiful poem with a nice picture for the Renga book. Whose accent did dow smell? Running away due to a danger memory is reasonable. Even a young dow has it. So smart.
Well done.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for the review, Lisa. Have a lovely day.
hugs,
gypsy
Comment from karenina
OKay, is it me, or should the spelling be "doe" rather than "dow"??? I couldn't find a variant in the dictionary...
That aside, this is a very apt verse to follow June Sargent's couplet. Brings "muscle memory" to a whole new level!
Nice--Karenina
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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OKay, is it me, or should the spelling be "doe" rather than "dow"??? I couldn't find a variant in the dictionary...
That aside, this is a very apt verse to follow June Sargent's couplet. Brings "muscle memory" to a whole new level!
Nice--Karenina
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for the review, Karenina. I corrected the mistake, thank you. Have a lovely day.
hugs,
gypsy
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for the cool picture and the very alliterative 5-7-5. Do you mean "doe" for the first word? I don't know what a "dow" is. I really like the emotional description of the doe running from her memories!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Thanks for the cool picture and the very alliterative 5-7-5. Do you mean "doe" for the first word? I don't know what a "dow" is. I really like the emotional description of the doe running from her memories!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for the review, Helen. I corrected the mistake, thank you. Have a lovely day.
hugs,
Comment from royowen
This is an excellent renga haiku Gypsy, this always causes me to remember the scene from Bambi that gave me nightmares as a child, as it did my kids, and now my granddaughter, beautifully written dear girl, blessings Roy
Typo : dow smells. Doe?
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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This is an excellent renga haiku Gypsy, this always causes me to remember the scene from Bambi that gave me nightmares as a child, as it did my kids, and now my granddaughter, beautifully written dear girl, blessings Roy
Typo : dow smells. Doe?
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for the review, Roy. I corrected the mistake, thank you. Have a lovely day.
hugs,
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Welcome Gypsy