The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "The Fire Within "Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
11 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Very good research in this chapter. I am going to assume the Lakota language is spelled correctly. I like the consistent tone in your writing. Love the description of flakes. There are just teensy weensy fixes to consider:
As he shuddered open the door
I think you might mean 'shouldered' and not 'shuddered'
Clutching Bear, the boys pet dog
add apostrophe: boy's pet dog
left the wind to seek it's own entrance.
take out the apostrophe: its own entrance
We like you and your grandson have had to find a not so snug place in this world."
I think it would sound better: Just like you and your grandson, we have had to find a not-so-snug place in this world."
Thad and I looked at each other knowing we'd have to make snowshoes and march across the plains without him.
I would put a comma after other
I told them I had a son."
Decide if this was a direct statement or not. Otherwise, I would take out the stray quotation mark after son.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Very good research in this chapter. I am going to assume the Lakota language is spelled correctly. I like the consistent tone in your writing. Love the description of flakes. There are just teensy weensy fixes to consider:
As he shuddered open the door
I think you might mean 'shouldered' and not 'shuddered'
Clutching Bear, the boys pet dog
add apostrophe: boy's pet dog
left the wind to seek it's own entrance.
take out the apostrophe: its own entrance
We like you and your grandson have had to find a not so snug place in this world."
I think it would sound better: Just like you and your grandson, we have had to find a not-so-snug place in this world."
Thad and I looked at each other knowing we'd have to make snowshoes and march across the plains without him.
I would put a comma after other
I told them I had a son."
Decide if this was a direct statement or not. Otherwise, I would take out the stray quotation mark after son.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks Christie! I have to print out a bunch of your timely edits and go back to improve the project. You always come through with an encouraging review when I need it the most. Stan
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You are welcome. Your writing helps make this paid membership worthwhile.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is such a wonderful story that Look forwarded to see posted. I too think the women of the western frontier were heroes full of true grit!
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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This is such a wonderful story that Look forwarded to see posted. I too think the women of the western frontier were heroes full of true grit!
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks, Rebecca.
Comment from Ben Colder
Must agree with this writer concerning the women of strong will. You have done some good research or it seems that way. I enjoyed as always. Love the winter scene good writing.
Blessings to you Bro.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Must agree with this writer concerning the women of strong will. You have done some good research or it seems that way. I enjoyed as always. Love the winter scene good writing.
Blessings to you Bro.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks again, Ben. Humbly, grateful.
Comment from Mastery
Hi Stan. Another good continuation chapter. Although it seems like you may have skipped a week Or maybe that was just me, not paying close enough attention.
In any event, you have used some great images once more, like here for instance:
"The elderly Indian man sat in a rocking chair, his back to the fireplace, gnarled hands, holding a rusted relic of a gun. With his hair white as wool, his blind cue ball eyes looked through us."
And here also: "I drifted into a deep sleep, surrounded by Indians. Women touching my hair, smelling my clothes. I was told I had to marry the chief. I told them I was married. I told them I had a son."
Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Hi Stan. Another good continuation chapter. Although it seems like you may have skipped a week Or maybe that was just me, not paying close enough attention.
In any event, you have used some great images once more, like here for instance:
"The elderly Indian man sat in a rocking chair, his back to the fireplace, gnarled hands, holding a rusted relic of a gun. With his hair white as wool, his blind cue ball eyes looked through us."
And here also: "I drifted into a deep sleep, surrounded by Indians. Women touching my hair, smelling my clothes. I was told I had to marry the chief. I told them I was married. I told them I had a son."
Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks, Bob. So glad you and I are still working at this magic of writing.
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Yes thanks Stan. Bob
Comment from Mistydawn
What a sweet chapter both heartwarming and sad. It's so well-written we can feel the emotions, have empathy for your characters. I'm so glad that Redhawk is going to help the boy and the grandfather.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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What a sweet chapter both heartwarming and sad. It's so well-written we can feel the emotions, have empathy for your characters. I'm so glad that Redhawk is going to help the boy and the grandfather.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks, Misty!
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
A very interesting chapter. I'm wasn't sure what you meant by the boy staying with the old man...? Is that right or did I just misunderstand? If they are supposed to teach him everything how could they do that if they leave him? Confused.
Notes:
1.) As he shuddered open the door, the snow swirled and stung our faces,
--> shouldered?
2.) Clutching Bear, the boys(') pet dog, I stuck my head
--> two boys?
3.) "We come from south of the river across the open plains to the and forested woods for fire."
--> delete 'and' at the end?
4.) We like you and your grandson have had to find a not so snug place in this world."
--> edit please
5.) Peter spoke up. "(A)i'khoyak! That is the word in Lakota for someone who finds a place to belong."
6.) I was told I had to marry the chief. I told them I was married. I told them I had a son."
--> no quotation mark
Thanks a bunch!
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Stan,
A very interesting chapter. I'm wasn't sure what you meant by the boy staying with the old man...? Is that right or did I just misunderstand? If they are supposed to teach him everything how could they do that if they leave him? Confused.
Notes:
1.) As he shuddered open the door, the snow swirled and stung our faces,
--> shouldered?
2.) Clutching Bear, the boys(') pet dog, I stuck my head
--> two boys?
3.) "We come from south of the river across the open plains to the and forested woods for fire."
--> delete 'and' at the end?
4.) We like you and your grandson have had to find a not so snug place in this world."
--> edit please
5.) Peter spoke up. "(A)i'khoyak! That is the word in Lakota for someone who finds a place to belong."
6.) I was told I had to marry the chief. I told them I was married. I told them I had a son."
--> no quotation mark
Thanks a bunch!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
Comment from royowen
I agree with you about the heroes who settled our two lands, a lot of white men intermarried with the aboriginals in our history. I liked the warmth with which ypu wrote this episode my friend, the tears of the old man are significant, and Redhawk having a son to raise also. Beautifully written blessings Roy
Query : Clutching bear, the boy's pet dog?!? Typo : and nestled on (the) rug.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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I agree with you about the heroes who settled our two lands, a lot of white men intermarried with the aboriginals in our history. I liked the warmth with which ypu wrote this episode my friend, the tears of the old man are significant, and Redhawk having a son to raise also. Beautifully written blessings Roy
Query : Clutching bear, the boy's pet dog?!? Typo : and nestled on (the) rug.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks, Roy!
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Welcome
Comment from BethShelby
I love your story. It shows there was a reason for them being there. He is blind and about dead and has no weapon that works. They are out of food the boy does have survival skills. Jane and the men can help this family and Redhawk can teach the boy the skill he needs. You are an excellent writer of Western stories.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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I love your story. It shows there was a reason for them being there. He is blind and about dead and has no weapon that works. They are out of food the boy does have survival skills. Jane and the men can help this family and Redhawk can teach the boy the skill he needs. You are an excellent writer of Western stories.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks, Beth!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Western Fiction speaks a story about people, especially women, culturally and psychologically powered and lived general but heroic state of living silently, despite their inconveniences; I like and enjoyed the read, diversified and comparative cultural stand, good dialogues and plot development and realistic characters, good beginning and resolved ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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This Western Fiction speaks a story about people, especially women, culturally and psychologically powered and lived general but heroic state of living silently, despite their inconveniences; I like and enjoyed the read, diversified and comparative cultural stand, good dialogues and plot development and realistic characters, good beginning and resolved ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks again, esp. for timely encouragement to get fuel to keep going.
Comment from Rosemary wanjiru
Beautiful piece. Well written. Nice choice of words. I love how different cultures and faith are portrayed. There are a few punctuation errors but overall it's a good story
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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Beautiful piece. Well written. Nice choice of words. I love how different cultures and faith are portrayed. There are a few punctuation errors but overall it's a good story
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks so much, esp. for lovely and timely words of encouragement.
