Halloween Hayride
Many like a scary hayride.5 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like fun on the farm and Halloween gives us the excuse to make it a bit scary too, I enjoyed the rhymes and the sentiments here, much fun, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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This sounds like fun on the farm and Halloween gives us the excuse to make it a bit scary too, I enjoyed the rhymes and the sentiments here, much fun, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Dolly
Comment from Rhianna Robins
You build the suspense very well, of this hayride from foggy hell! :)
The only suggestion I have is to try and reword the stanza where you attempt to rhyme beasts with guests.
Example (for an idea):
"The mountain's fog held its lore
of flaming-eyed beasts,
which hid and waited for--
The Halloween hayride feast."
Hope this helps - overall, really great poem!! I enjoyed reading it :)
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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You build the suspense very well, of this hayride from foggy hell! :)
The only suggestion I have is to try and reword the stanza where you attempt to rhyme beasts with guests.
Example (for an idea):
"The mountain's fog held its lore
of flaming-eyed beasts,
which hid and waited for--
The Halloween hayride feast."
Hope this helps - overall, really great poem!! I enjoyed reading it :)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks so much. Good suggestion.
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You're most welcome! :)
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Well structured--chilling imagery masterfully conveys the theme. You deviated from the ABAB rhyme pattern in stanza 4--beasts doesn't rhyme with guests--sugg: beasts flashing eyes fluorescent green/ hay-riders on this Halloween--(8 syls each)
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Well structured--chilling imagery masterfully conveys the theme. You deviated from the ABAB rhyme pattern in stanza 4--beasts doesn't rhyme with guests--sugg: beasts flashing eyes fluorescent green/ hay-riders on this Halloween--(8 syls each)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thank you, I had hoped near-rhyme would work. Good suggestion.
Comment from stanishmichelle
One of the things I love about this story in a poem is how descriptive you wrote to make me experience the hayride from hell. The tale got even more chilling in every stanza. Fog Mountain is not a place I want to visit, especially on a dark night.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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One of the things I love about this story in a poem is how descriptive you wrote to make me experience the hayride from hell. The tale got even more chilling in every stanza. Fog Mountain is not a place I want to visit, especially on a dark night.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much. Me either--no Fog Mountain.:)
Comment from Rosemary wanjiru
Lyrical and musical with a bit of suspense. Dramatic and exciting.proper punctuation and grammar, smooth flow of words. I simply loved it.nice job and keep it up.kudos
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Lyrical and musical with a bit of suspense. Dramatic and exciting.proper punctuation and grammar, smooth flow of words. I simply loved it.nice job and keep it up.kudos
Comment Written 31-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2020
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Thank you for this nice review , very encouraging.