Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Betrayal Chapter 6"In the title.
44 total reviews
Comment from Jessica Borras
Beautifully written! I enjoy Lorna being Grant's level-headed partner. The suspense is building, and I can't wait to see what Colin comes up with. Only one sentence, the one that starts with "Raking his fingers through his dark"... I would change "raking" to "he raked", or change the tense of the rest of the sentence.
Looking forward to reading more!!
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Beautifully written! I enjoy Lorna being Grant's level-headed partner. The suspense is building, and I can't wait to see what Colin comes up with. Only one sentence, the one that starts with "Raking his fingers through his dark"... I would change "raking" to "he raked", or change the tense of the rest of the sentence.
Looking forward to reading more!!
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Thank you so very much, Jessica, for another really lovely review and another 6 stars! My face is splitting where my smile is so big, lol. I've changed that to 'He raked...' Thank you for that as well. It's past my bedtime, gone 11pm, so I'll say goodnight, and hope you are not worked too hard in the restaurant. Thank you again for making my day. More hugs!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Begin Again
oh yes - family loyalty plays into the moment. Will he hang his brother out to dry for Tonia or how will it play out. Or will Colin be able to pull another fast one off again? Interesting...and on I go!
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2021
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oh yes - family loyalty plays into the moment. Will he hang his brother out to dry for Tonia or how will it play out. Or will Colin be able to pull another fast one off again? Interesting...and on I go!
Comment Written 12-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2021
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My word, you are amazing, thank you again! :)) xxx
Comment from giraffmang
hi Sandra,
Just trying to catch up! lol
Another good chapter. Lots of conflict in this one, mainly internal from Grant but makes excellent fodder.
he sat down, switched his computer on and mulled over the meeting - okay, this is really pedantic, but having worked in numerous offices etc, many folk don't shut their computers down until the end of the day whether in or out of the office. It may be more apt to say he woke it. Entirely up to you.
Raking his fingers through his dark, wavy hair, where the only sign of grey was at his temple and above his ears.- this sentence doesn't go anywhere on its own.
Grant walked back and put the two coffees down on platters.- maybe coasters would be more apt than platters (normally associated with food).
He cringed at the thought and shuddered. - I think I'd use either cringed or shuddered rather than both.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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hi Sandra,
Just trying to catch up! lol
Another good chapter. Lots of conflict in this one, mainly internal from Grant but makes excellent fodder.
he sat down, switched his computer on and mulled over the meeting - okay, this is really pedantic, but having worked in numerous offices etc, many folk don't shut their computers down until the end of the day whether in or out of the office. It may be more apt to say he woke it. Entirely up to you.
Raking his fingers through his dark, wavy hair, where the only sign of grey was at his temple and above his ears.- this sentence doesn't go anywhere on its own.
Grant walked back and put the two coffees down on platters.- maybe coasters would be more apt than platters (normally associated with food).
He cringed at the thought and shuddered. - I think I'd use either cringed or shuddered rather than both.
All the best
G
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Hi Jay, thank you so much for this helpful edit. They might be little, but they are important. I'm going to remove, 'shuddered.' :)) and give them coasters. lol, I have no idea why I didn't have them in the first place. Thank you, Gareth, had I not already used up my 'thumbs ups' you would have had one for these two reviews. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from DSchlosser
Another great chapter. The conversation flowed well between Lorna and Grant, and the two of them know each well within the Thistlegate company.
I have one question on the phone call. Is Grant having Colin draw plans up for the same place? I thought Colin had already turned in the same plans for the building Tania used the plans for in the interview? I guess it's just him calling for a new building, right?
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Another great chapter. The conversation flowed well between Lorna and Grant, and the two of them know each well within the Thistlegate company.
I have one question on the phone call. Is Grant having Colin draw plans up for the same place? I thought Colin had already turned in the same plans for the building Tania used the plans for in the interview? I guess it's just him calling for a new building, right?
Comment Written 19-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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No, Colin hasn't drawn up any plans, all those he had previously sold to Grant he had stolen from Tania. Now Tania is trying to prove they were hers. When Grant asked Colin if he would draw some up, the only way he can do it is by stealing those Tania has shown Grant. But it all goes terrible wrong as you will find out. Thanks for continuing to read this story, David. I really appreciate it. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from F. William Lester
Great chapter. I'm really caught up in the story. I'm supposed to provide suggestions and comments, but I can never find anything to suggest. You write exceptionally well. The story is engaging and well paced. I hope I don't sound redundant, but it is a well-written piece. Keep up the good work and you'll have a best seller. Thanks for sharing your work. Stay well...and we're breathing a sigh of relief over here. :)
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Great chapter. I'm really caught up in the story. I'm supposed to provide suggestions and comments, but I can never find anything to suggest. You write exceptionally well. The story is engaging and well paced. I hope I don't sound redundant, but it is a well-written piece. Keep up the good work and you'll have a best seller. Thanks for sharing your work. Stay well...and we're breathing a sigh of relief over here. :)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2020
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Thank you so very much, Frank, for this lovely review and for taking the time to catch up! That is so nice of you. Chapter 7 has been posted whenever you want to read it. (you'll get paid this time!! lol.) You've been such a supportive reader of my book, I can't thank you enough. Your encouragement has been wonderful. Thank you, dear friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
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You're always welcome. My pleasure as well. Have a happy Thanksgiving.
Comment from tfawcus
It sounds as though this alpha male is going to have to eat some humble pie. He's obviously not going to like it. I wonder how difficult Tania is going to make it for him.
You describe his hesitation well as he runs through the options in his mind. Another fine chapter.
This sentence seemed a little clunky to me:
'You're going to talk to him, then? I was speaking to Margaret when you called through,' Lorna explained when he raised a surprised eyebrow.
I wondered if splitting the action tags might be a bit smoother:
'You're going to talk to him, then?' He raised a surprised eyebrow. 'I was speaking to Margaret when you called through,' Lorna explained.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
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It sounds as though this alpha male is going to have to eat some humble pie. He's obviously not going to like it. I wonder how difficult Tania is going to make it for him.
You describe his hesitation well as he runs through the options in his mind. Another fine chapter.
This sentence seemed a little clunky to me:
'You're going to talk to him, then? I was speaking to Margaret when you called through,' Lorna explained when he raised a surprised eyebrow.
I wondered if splitting the action tags might be a bit smoother:
'You're going to talk to him, then?' He raised a surprised eyebrow. 'I was speaking to Margaret when you called through,' Lorna explained.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much, Tony, for those six stars and the helpful review. I am going to sort that sentence out right now! Lol. I'm really pleased you enjoyed this part. Things are going to change soon. :)) Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Sanku
Grant is now in total confusion. What can he do if it is proved that the previous were stolen from Tania?I am looking forward to harding going back to her begging.....
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Grant is now in total confusion. What can he do if it is proved that the previous were stolen from Tania?I am looking forward to harding going back to her begging.....
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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He does have a bit of a problem on his hands, doesn't he? We'll see what happens soon. Thank you so much for another lovely review, Sanku, I really appreciate your kind support. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh my. Now he will learn the truth about his brother. It will make things tricky for him since I do believe his is interested in Tania. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Well done as always. I saw no errors, just great work. Rox
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Oh my. Now he will learn the truth about his brother. It will make things tricky for him since I do believe his is interested in Tania. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Well done as always. I saw no errors, just great work. Rox
Comment Written 05-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Things are becoming very uncomfortable for Grant. How he handles it will be the thing. Thank you my dear friend, for another lovely review. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying it. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
I like the idea of Grant having to eat crow. One good thing about having to catch up is I don't have to wait to long to see it happen. I can't wait till Grant finds out Colin is Tania's ex.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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I like the idea of Grant having to eat crow. One good thing about having to catch up is I don't have to wait to long to see it happen. I can't wait till Grant finds out Colin is Tania's ex.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Oh, he's in for a shock in a couple more parts time, Cindy. Stay tuned. I'm so pleased you still enjoy reading this story, your reviews always encourage me to keep going. Love you for it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from alexisleech
What a dilemma. Grant obviously suspects his half brother of stealing Tanya's plans, but how to handle it, without causing world war three, and alienating a family member, is not easy. Add to that, his obvious attraction to Tanya, it makes the situation even more complicated. I don't envy his problem, but I'm sure you'll help him work it out!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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What a dilemma. Grant obviously suspects his half brother of stealing Tanya's plans, but how to handle it, without causing world war three, and alienating a family member, is not easy. Add to that, his obvious attraction to Tanya, it makes the situation even more complicated. I don't envy his problem, but I'm sure you'll help him work it out!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 04-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for this amazing review and the lovely six stars, Alexis! Yes, things are going to be a tad complicated for a while. Sending you a humongous hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx