Where Are All The Children
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "New Way of Life"A vigilante takes down trafficing rings.
14 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Mystery and Crime Fiction Chapter in the Book speaks about a new way of life of the theme through a fairly expressed taletelling and progressive plot development, a good beginning and a sad ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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This Mystery and Crime Fiction Chapter in the Book speaks about a new way of life of the theme through a fairly expressed taletelling and progressive plot development, a good beginning and a sad ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Thank you for reading my chapter, and encouraging words. Being trafficked at the ripe age of ten, has left Anna so damaged that she expects to be used as a sex-slave.
Thank you again for reading my chapter, and your kind words. It's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from royowen
Poor girl, she's been so used to men using her as a lusty object, she doesn't know or expect the difference, but I think Alejandro will know the difference, it's funny her reaction to rejection sends her on a course of self rejection of worth, no human should feel that. Well done, excellent episode, blessings Roy
Typo I long since (dis)possessed
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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Poor girl, she's been so used to men using her as a lusty object, she doesn't know or expect the difference, but I think Alejandro will know the difference, it's funny her reaction to rejection sends her on a course of self rejection of worth, no human should feel that. Well done, excellent episode, blessings Roy
Typo I long since (dis)possessed
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter and catching my mistake. After four years of constant beatings and mental abuse she doesn't feel worthy of being loved.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
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That?s so sad.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Misty, what little self-respect she's supposed to have maintained has finally been taken away from her. There doesn't seem to be any future left, only one of despair and abuse. How utterly sad. Very well written. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
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Hi Misty, what little self-respect she's supposed to have maintained has finally been taken away from her. There doesn't seem to be any future left, only one of despair and abuse. How utterly sad. Very well written. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for your fantastic six-stars I'm honored. Anna has a lot to overcome. Unfortunately, many don't.
Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement and friendship. It always means the world to me, take care.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, it is very interesting, there was a time skip and tense change that caught by surprise in the middle. I will need to catch up on the other chapters for a more in-depth review. I don't have enough context. sorry.
Notes:
I [longed] to go back to the massage parlor and the luxury it affords.
- should this be: long? Because of the present tense.
Modesty being a virtue I long since possessed, I begin to strip.
- You mean a virtue she long since lost, right?
Feeling self-conscious, I pull the shirt around myself. "I... I just turned fourteen."
- would she feel self-conscious after the parlor life?
She and her family watched over me from that day on.
- Why the switch to past tense here and the following paragraph?
The lust in his eyes, the hunger in his kiss tells me [he feeling] it too.
- he's feeling or he feels
"Take me Alejandro, please take me I beg."
- should have its on paragraph
- and be: "Take me, Alejandro, please take me," I beg.
His mouth falls open. The color drains from his face. He turns away. "No, I won't do it, I won't. I refuse to be like one of them." He spat out his last words like they're poison on his tongue. He bolts towards the door.
- I'm confused by this reaction too. There must be more context about him in the preceding chapters, that explain it.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
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Hmm, it is very interesting, there was a time skip and tense change that caught by surprise in the middle. I will need to catch up on the other chapters for a more in-depth review. I don't have enough context. sorry.
Notes:
I [longed] to go back to the massage parlor and the luxury it affords.
- should this be: long? Because of the present tense.
Modesty being a virtue I long since possessed, I begin to strip.
- You mean a virtue she long since lost, right?
Feeling self-conscious, I pull the shirt around myself. "I... I just turned fourteen."
- would she feel self-conscious after the parlor life?
She and her family watched over me from that day on.
- Why the switch to past tense here and the following paragraph?
The lust in his eyes, the hunger in his kiss tells me [he feeling] it too.
- he's feeling or he feels
"Take me Alejandro, please take me I beg."
- should have its on paragraph
- and be: "Take me, Alejandro, please take me," I beg.
His mouth falls open. The color drains from his face. He turns away. "No, I won't do it, I won't. I refuse to be like one of them." He spat out his last words like they're poison on his tongue. He bolts towards the door.
- I'm confused by this reaction too. There must be more context about him in the preceding chapters, that explain it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for such an extensive review. It's how I learn and grow as a writer. I changed it to something about her stare makes me feel self-conscious. I went back to present day at the tense shift. John will explain his actions. Right now I want to show Anna's inner-struggles, her demons. It's going to be used to make a point later in the story.
Thank you again for all your help. It's always greatly appreciated, take care.
