Billie Part~2
1,740 words. Mr. Little, sits a spell.17 total reviews
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
I think this is the first I've read of your work and I liked it. You draw a strong picture of Miss Billie and of Mr. Little. I could imagine sitting there with them on the porch for the afternoon.
I thought the diaglog sounded real and typical of the place.
The beginning when she faced him with a rifle was a good place to start...bringing the reader right into the action.
My only suggestion is a minor one. I don't like to see cliche's in writing. It happens a lot when people are being described. Miss Billies' "Steel blue" eyes is over-used. I'd try to come up with some other descriptive word. Good job.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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I think this is the first I've read of your work and I liked it. You draw a strong picture of Miss Billie and of Mr. Little. I could imagine sitting there with them on the porch for the afternoon.
I thought the diaglog sounded real and typical of the place.
The beginning when she faced him with a rifle was a good place to start...bringing the reader right into the action.
My only suggestion is a minor one. I don't like to see cliche's in writing. It happens a lot when people are being described. Miss Billies' "Steel blue" eyes is over-used. I'd try to come up with some other descriptive word. Good job.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hi, Cynthia. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story. It's deeply appreciated!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You are very welcome. Keep up the great writing.
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You are very welcome. Keep up the great writing.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Just last night I was thinking I wished the world would revert back to what it was after WWII and in the fifties. That was a peaceful time for me. Thais was a great story. All this new technology does not impress me at all. LOL Thanks for sharing this, Mike. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Just last night I was thinking I wished the world would revert back to what it was after WWII and in the fifties. That was a peaceful time for me. Thais was a great story. All this new technology does not impress me at all. LOL Thanks for sharing this, Mike. Nancy:)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hi, Nancy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from estory
Lively dialogue digs into the personalities and character of each of these people interacting for the first time, and it outlines a simple, straightforward philosophy of life, rooted in faith and consideration and a respect for family. You get our attention right away with that shotgun pointed at you from behind. estory
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Lively dialogue digs into the personalities and character of each of these people interacting for the first time, and it outlines a simple, straightforward philosophy of life, rooted in faith and consideration and a respect for family. You get our attention right away with that shotgun pointed at you from behind. estory
Comment Written 29-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from John Carey
Great read! Found myself wondering what the next porch setting would reveal. Nice character development and background supporting details. Can (almost) never get too much of that. Only two nits to pick - maybe consider rewording a few lines to edit out some of the "I"s. Always a challenge writing in first person. Also, given Billie's age, I can't imagine a 3x great grandfather buying land in 1878, unless maybe he was very old when he bought the land? Regardless, thanks for letting me read your chapter!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Great read! Found myself wondering what the next porch setting would reveal. Nice character development and background supporting details. Can (almost) never get too much of that. Only two nits to pick - maybe consider rewording a few lines to edit out some of the "I"s. Always a challenge writing in first person. Also, given Billie's age, I can't imagine a 3x great grandfather buying land in 1878, unless maybe he was very old when he bought the land? Regardless, thanks for letting me read your chapter!
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words, and for your help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Iza Deleanu
What a beautiful chapter nostalgia but also joy in one line. I had a few chuckles reading this story. Life might stop for some people physically, but mentally it gets on. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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What a beautiful chapter nostalgia but also joy in one line. I had a few chuckles reading this story. Life might stop for some people physically, but mentally it gets on. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hello, my friend. Thank you for your kind words, and for those shiny six stars. They are deeply appreciated!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed reading your story about Miss Billie. It would be nice if you kept writing about he,r or the people of the area. I like the picture. You've created a interesting character for the old lady. There may be a few people out there who stay where they are, and aren't even curious about what is happening in the world.
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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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I enjoyed reading your story about Miss Billie. It would be nice if you kept writing about he,r or the people of the area. I like the picture. You've created a interesting character for the old lady. There may be a few people out there who stay where they are, and aren't even curious about what is happening in the world.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hi, Beth. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from royowen
Just love this inspirational work Mike, I liked also that you found a person who had been out of civil circulation for thirty years, although the 90s weren't terribly different, a little more innocent, although my dear wife, was a little worn out from teaching miscreant kids. Well done Mike, you're a good writer, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Just love this inspirational work Mike, I liked also that you found a person who had been out of civil circulation for thirty years, although the 90s weren't terribly different, a little more innocent, although my dear wife, was a little worn out from teaching miscreant kids. Well done Mike, you're a good writer, blessings, Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2020
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Hi, Roy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
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You too Mike
