Diamond
Incident at Morton's Broken Hope Jewelry and Pawn Shoppe17 total reviews
Comment from Jaime Deagle
I found the character to be interesting and engaging. The dialogue seemed natural. The characters draw you into the story. Overall a well-crafted piece. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I found the character to be interesting and engaging. The dialogue seemed natural. The characters draw you into the story. Overall a well-crafted piece. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Appreciate the review.
Comment from RetroStarfish
Interesting take on the contest. There are some lovely lines in this entry:
"With no place in particular to go, and all of eternity to get there..."
Good luck.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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Interesting take on the contest. There are some lovely lines in this entry:
"With no place in particular to go, and all of eternity to get there..."
Good luck.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this tale. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a fabulous story, coming from such a simple prompt. Your descriptions, dialogue and choice of phrasing paint the picture of contempt and justice. Great job!
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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This is a fabulous story, coming from such a simple prompt. Your descriptions, dialogue and choice of phrasing paint the picture of contempt and justice. Great job!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this generous and complimentary review. Appreciate the sixer. This was just a simple tale. Surprised anyone enjoyed it.
Comment from royowen
What a great twist in your story Brett, some ghosts have a worthy charge in life, to watch over unlucky damsels, particularly if their name was diamond. I like this unusually written tale with a compassionate ghost as the Robin Hood of the graveyard. Great characters, plot and smooth errorless writing, well done my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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What a great twist in your story Brett, some ghosts have a worthy charge in life, to watch over unlucky damsels, particularly if their name was diamond. I like this unusually written tale with a compassionate ghost as the Robin Hood of the graveyard. Great characters, plot and smooth errorless writing, well done my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
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Most welcome
Comment from LJbutterfly
As soon as I read "Morton's Broken Hope Jewelry and Pawn Shoppe," I knew this story was going to be creative. I was right. There were also great descriptions, like, "spider-webbed entrance," and "disheartened puppy dog eyes." I was disappointed in Diamond when she snatched the money and left without even a "thank you" to the narrator. But when I got to the surprise ending, I thought...maybe she couldn't see him because he was a ghost. Very well written.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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As soon as I read "Morton's Broken Hope Jewelry and Pawn Shoppe," I knew this story was going to be creative. I was right. There were also great descriptions, like, "spider-webbed entrance," and "disheartened puppy dog eyes." I was disappointed in Diamond when she snatched the money and left without even a "thank you" to the narrator. But when I got to the surprise ending, I thought...maybe she couldn't see him because he was a ghost. Very well written.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, That escalation seemed to come from nowhere. And the fact that the narrator was a ghost also didn't have any connection, set-up or contextual reason to be. It was just sort of added. Now, the actual construction of the writing is sound. But the story, leaves one scratching their heads. Now the lady is an accessory to robbery. The shope keeper became an instant bad guy for doing nothing wrong, but it seemed because the story needed him to be bad, in order to favor the women and overlook their crimes.
Again the writing to good, but I think the story needs more work
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
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Hmm, That escalation seemed to come from nowhere. And the fact that the narrator was a ghost also didn't have any connection, set-up or contextual reason to be. It was just sort of added. Now, the actual construction of the writing is sound. But the story, leaves one scratching their heads. Now the lady is an accessory to robbery. The shope keeper became an instant bad guy for doing nothing wrong, but it seemed because the story needed him to be bad, in order to favor the women and overlook their crimes.
Again the writing to good, but I think the story needs more work
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2020
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That's one interpretation and you are entitled to it.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStunning! A tour de force of fresh and clever phrasing and quite a twist! Cheerssssss. LIZ
(my belief [insert: that] pride is; [omit: somewhat] disinterested [s/b uninterested--disinterested means unbiased)
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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SSSSSStunning! A tour de force of fresh and clever phrasing and quite a twist! Cheerssssss. LIZ
(my belief [insert: that] pride is; [omit: somewhat] disinterested [s/b uninterested--disinterested means unbiased)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Appreciate the review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I guess it's true "a hard-working ghost's tasks are never done" I really like that line. It says a lot. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. It kept me going and especially the ending. Good luck.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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I guess it's true "a hard-working ghost's tasks are never done" I really like that line. It says a lot. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. It kept me going and especially the ending. Good luck.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your insights and the review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
You certainly had a surprise ending on this one. I never suspected the guy at the counter was a ghost. You did an excellent job and held my attention all the way through. Have a great day. Shirley
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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You certainly had a surprise ending on this one. I never suspected the guy at the counter was a ghost. You did an excellent job and held my attention all the way through. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Appreciate your insights and the review. Like those unexpected endings. Believe they add additional layers to stories.
Comment from equestrik
You have written a good and interesting story. It held my interest well and you developed your characters and the setting well. I didn't quite connect the lead-in sentence but it is well written.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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You have written a good and interesting story. It held my interest well and you developed your characters and the setting well. I didn't quite connect the lead-in sentence but it is well written.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Glad you enjoyed this story. Appreciate the review.
