Slicker Than an Oil Stain
Not everything always goes to plan36 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL! If only we could do that in England, but we'd be charged for murder and carrying a gun, and charged with going against the villians human rights. LOL. What a brilliant story, it was so nice that it was the crook that got his comuppance, instead of the victim. Well done, I really enjoyed this one. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
  |
LOL! If only we could do that in England, but we'd be charged for murder and carrying a gun, and charged with going against the villians human rights. LOL. What a brilliant story, it was so nice that it was the crook that got his comuppance, instead of the victim. Well done, I really enjoyed this one. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much Sandra. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It's an old adage but you worked this in very well. It's a solid piece which I think may do quite well in the competition.
Best of luck to you
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
Hi there,
It's an old adage but you worked this in very well. It's a solid piece which I think may do quite well in the competition.
Best of luck to you
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much GMG. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like the tongue-in-cheek humor. You have used some good examples of onomatopoeia. These will draw the reader in. Your setting is great and the suspense is developed well. The ending is fun.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
I like the tongue-in-cheek humor. You have used some good examples of onomatopoeia. These will draw the reader in. Your setting is great and the suspense is developed well. The ending is fun.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from Adri7enne
"He peered around the corner to gauge where she was AT." You don't need "AT". And you should never end a sentence with a preposition.
"In fact, he was still smiling as the bullet erupted from the purse and buried ITSELF in his chest. Add ITSELF. Add a word, delete a word. Shouldn't change your total count. Good little story. Well told. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
"He peered around the corner to gauge where she was AT." You don't need "AT". And you should never end a sentence with a preposition.
"In fact, he was still smiling as the bullet erupted from the purse and buried ITSELF in his chest. Add ITSELF. Add a word, delete a word. Shouldn't change your total count. Good little story. Well told. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much. I made some changes if you want to check. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from RShipp
'Slick was a third generation crook.' and 'Slick's calling was mugging.' (I love the beginning. Imagine finding this on Ancestry.com.)
Oh...ho..oh! This had a great ending!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
'Slick was a third generation crook.' and 'Slick's calling was mugging.' (I love the beginning. Imagine finding this on Ancestry.com.)
Oh...ho..oh! This had a great ending!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from Jay Squires
Hahaha... this was fun. It reminds me of that classic scene in Indiana Jones when he shot the attacker who was showing off his sword handling. But the important thing with your story is that the impact wouldn't have been conveyed had you been a less experienced story-teller. You kept the reader-tension right up to the last sentence, and that made for a delightful read.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
Hahaha... this was fun. It reminds me of that classic scene in Indiana Jones when he shot the attacker who was showing off his sword handling. But the important thing with your story is that the impact wouldn't have been conveyed had you been a less experienced story-teller. You kept the reader-tension right up to the last sentence, and that made for a delightful read.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much, that's cool that my story brought that picture to your mind. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I enjoyed your story. I did not see the ending coming as it did because you were so well in describing Slick that the reader is waiting for him to commit the crime.
Good job.
Good luck in the contest.
Regards,
Mary
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
I enjoyed your story. I did not see the ending coming as it did because you were so well in describing Slick that the reader is waiting for him to commit the crime.
Good job.
Good luck in the contest.
Regards,
Mary
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much Mary. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from sammielwf
Ohhhhh....delightfully sinful and snarky.
With this type of fairy tale twist the Prince in Cinderella better watch out because...that left behind slipper could be a trap!
I liked this bit of fairy tale whimsy.
Good job.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
Ohhhhh....delightfully sinful and snarky.
With this type of fairy tale twist the Prince in Cinderella better watch out because...that left behind slipper could be a trap!
I liked this bit of fairy tale whimsy.
Good job.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, interesting tale, we kind of figured this was how it was going to end for Slick. The moral, well... I would suggest changing it from that which so many people have heard over and over again. This just a suggestion. Your work is solid.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
Hmm, interesting tale, we kind of figured this was how it was going to end for Slick. The moral, well... I would suggest changing it from that which so many people have heard over and over again. This just a suggestion. Your work is solid.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from LisaMay
Gosh - your brought a sledgehammer to this contest. It's a terrific story... the drama builds well with tension then action.
Just part of what a girl has to do to protect herself these days. I hope she didn't get blood on that evening gown and it didn't spoil her night out...
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
|
Gosh - your brought a sledgehammer to this contest. It's a terrific story... the drama builds well with tension then action.
Just part of what a girl has to do to protect herself these days. I hope she didn't get blood on that evening gown and it didn't spoil her night out...
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
-
Thank you very much, and no she didn't even get a hair out of place. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
