Slicker Than an Oil Stain
Not everything always goes to plan36 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Earl,
What a great surprise ending! I didn't expect it. The closing statement sounds familiar, but it's perfect for your story!
"He peered around the corner to gauge where she was at in her approach."
( I suggest,
He peered around the corner to gauge where she was in her approach.)
"She was wearing an evening gown and carrying a clasp purse and 15 feet away."
( I suggest,
She was wearing an evening gown, carrying a clasp purse, and just fifteen feet away.)
"Slick took a steadying breath and let it out before stepping onto the sidewalk, He pulled the knife from his pocket. He stepped into her path, and with an audible "click" opened his switchblade."
( I suggest,
Slick took a steadying breath, and let it out before stepping onto the sidewalk. He pulled the weapon from his pocket, and stepped into her path with an audible "click" of his switchblade.)
I really enjoyed this flash fiction. Well written and concise. I see it won the contest... not surprising.
I hope some of my suggestions might help. If not, that's fine too.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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Hi Earl,
What a great surprise ending! I didn't expect it. The closing statement sounds familiar, but it's perfect for your story!
"He peered around the corner to gauge where she was at in her approach."
( I suggest,
He peered around the corner to gauge where she was in her approach.)
"She was wearing an evening gown and carrying a clasp purse and 15 feet away."
( I suggest,
She was wearing an evening gown, carrying a clasp purse, and just fifteen feet away.)
"Slick took a steadying breath and let it out before stepping onto the sidewalk, He pulled the knife from his pocket. He stepped into her path, and with an audible "click" opened his switchblade."
( I suggest,
Slick took a steadying breath, and let it out before stepping onto the sidewalk. He pulled the weapon from his pocket, and stepped into her path with an audible "click" of his switchblade.)
I really enjoyed this flash fiction. Well written and concise. I see it won the contest... not surprising.
I hope some of my suggestions might help. If not, that's fine too.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 11-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2020
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Thank you Kimbob. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
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My pleasure, Earl.
Comment from victor 66
You already know that you've written an exceptional story here. Statistics on ladies having carry permits and actually caring a firearm, have a much lower rate of rape, murder and mugging. Really enjoyed this and the moral was outstanding. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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You already know that you've written an exceptional story here. Statistics on ladies having carry permits and actually caring a firearm, have a much lower rate of rape, murder and mugging. Really enjoyed this and the moral was outstanding. Best wishes.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it enough to rate it six stars. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
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Your story deserved what little recognition I could give it, Earl. It was fun to read.
Comment from humpwhistle
Probably the most quoted line from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Unless it's 'Who are those guys?'
Poor slick wasn't. One the other hand, High Heels was.
I hope the handbag wasn't a Prada.
Congrats, Earl.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Probably the most quoted line from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Unless it's 'Who are those guys?'
Poor slick wasn't. One the other hand, High Heels was.
I hope the handbag wasn't a Prada.
Congrats, Earl.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thanks Lee. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
What a wickedly witty delight--brilliant twist to convey the moral--you brought Slick vividly to life--and to death. Good luck--this may be a winner! Cheers. LIZ
Congrats on your win!
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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What a wickedly witty delight--brilliant twist to convey the moral--you brought Slick vividly to life--and to death. Good luck--this may be a winner! Cheers. LIZ
Congrats on your win!
Comment Written 23-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thanks Liz, it did win. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from Coco Jane
Nice twist at the end.
You have several errors:
Para. 2-victims' (apostrophe belongs after the s)
Para. 4- no "at" after "where she was."
Para. 5-period instead of a comma after "sidewalk."
The prose could be tightened up in a few places. This will give you more words for description such as the look in the woman's eyes.
Maybe the woman herself can deliver the moral of the story.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Nice twist at the end.
You have several errors:
Para. 2-victims' (apostrophe belongs after the s)
Para. 4- no "at" after "where she was."
Para. 5-period instead of a comma after "sidewalk."
The prose could be tightened up in a few places. This will give you more words for description such as the look in the woman's eyes.
Maybe the woman herself can deliver the moral of the story.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thank you
Comment from nomi338
There is an eventuality that comes upon the unwary criminal who thinks that he is smarter, stronger, quicker than anyone else. Then he meets that one, the one that he should have avoided. Any woman who is unafraid to walk near a darkened ally at night in high heel shoes is not someone who is afraid of being robbed. Robbers beware.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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There is an eventuality that comes upon the unwary criminal who thinks that he is smarter, stronger, quicker than anyone else. Then he meets that one, the one that he should have avoided. Any woman who is unafraid to walk near a darkened ally at night in high heel shoes is not someone who is afraid of being robbed. Robbers beware.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from lyenochka
Lol. And also, don't underestimate women in high heels and evening gowns walking down an alley at night. This reminded me of the James Thurber's Little Red Riding Hood who shot the Big Bad Wolf.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Lol. And also, don't underestimate women in high heels and evening gowns walking down an alley at night. This reminded me of the James Thurber's Little Red Riding Hood who shot the Big Bad Wolf.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thank, it was a winner! I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
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You had my vote, Earl!
Comment from Mia Twysted
I just love this story. It is a get new tale to go with an age old moral. My brother once asked me if I would bring a knife to a gun fight. I said that if I knew I'd bring a gun, but if I ended up in a gun fight and the knife was all I had I was bringing it.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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I just love this story. It is a get new tale to go with an age old moral. My brother once asked me if I would bring a knife to a gun fight. I said that if I knew I'd bring a gun, but if I ended up in a gun fight and the knife was all I had I was bringing it.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thank you. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from royowen
I had to have a giggle at this marvellous flash fiction fable writing entry, poor old slick, the family tradition dies with him, just as well I think, beautifully written and wittily engaged, great job, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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I had to have a giggle at this marvellous flash fiction fable writing entry, poor old slick, the family tradition dies with him, just as well I think, beautifully written and wittily engaged, great job, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2020
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Thank you Roy. I appreciate you reading and reviewing my story.
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My privilege
Comment from Justin Chopin
Seems slick wasn't really that smooth after all was he? This was a very creative story I thought your idea of making him a third generation crook was very interesting since it gave him a tradition of criminal activity that he thought he had to honor. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Seems slick wasn't really that smooth after all was he? This was a very creative story I thought your idea of making him a third generation crook was very interesting since it gave him a tradition of criminal activity that he thought he had to honor. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
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You're welcome.