The Spirit of the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Dead Silence"Newylwed homesteader Jane becomes a widow
16 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Stan,
Oh, my. What a dangerous situation that poor boy found himself in. I'm glad (and he's lucky) there were kind folks about who were willing to risk their lives to save his. Cool stuff.
Notes:
1.) Favorite lines:
--> He near had me convinced that rifle had a soul.
--> As we drove the horses across the white snowy dunes, the spirited wind found us, and the cold knifed through our wool.
--> and something about a haunting...
2.) (")No thanks, Thad. I prefer some pine tea, once we strike a match and make a fire in the woods."
3.) "Not to worry for my soul none," (h)e said.
4.) I was wondering then, why I insisted on fetching wood (since I coulda) been having my tea at home.
5.) off land and build fences where the buffalo roamed.(")
6.) Redhawk stood and glassed the area. "There's a dark skinned a boy on thin ice.
--> you already used 'glassed' earlier - btw, do you mean with a telescope of some sort?
--> delete the second 'a' (before 'boy')
7.) "This could be a trap," (s)aid Thad.
8.) "No trap," (s)aid Redhawk. Only a fool's errand."
9.) I leaped out over (somebody?) I knelt down with a piece of dried jerky in my hand. The small dog shivered but eagerly took the morsel(.)
10.) Thad chimed in. "You speak English better than me. "But why on God's green
--> no second quotation marks in the middle
Thanks -- nice continuation!
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Stan,
Oh, my. What a dangerous situation that poor boy found himself in. I'm glad (and he's lucky) there were kind folks about who were willing to risk their lives to save his. Cool stuff.
Notes:
1.) Favorite lines:
--> He near had me convinced that rifle had a soul.
--> As we drove the horses across the white snowy dunes, the spirited wind found us, and the cold knifed through our wool.
--> and something about a haunting...
2.) (")No thanks, Thad. I prefer some pine tea, once we strike a match and make a fire in the woods."
3.) "Not to worry for my soul none," (h)e said.
4.) I was wondering then, why I insisted on fetching wood (since I coulda) been having my tea at home.
5.) off land and build fences where the buffalo roamed.(")
6.) Redhawk stood and glassed the area. "There's a dark skinned a boy on thin ice.
--> you already used 'glassed' earlier - btw, do you mean with a telescope of some sort?
--> delete the second 'a' (before 'boy')
7.) "This could be a trap," (s)aid Thad.
8.) "No trap," (s)aid Redhawk. Only a fool's errand."
9.) I leaped out over (somebody?) I knelt down with a piece of dried jerky in my hand. The small dog shivered but eagerly took the morsel(.)
10.) Thad chimed in. "You speak English better than me. "But why on God's green
--> no second quotation marks in the middle
Thanks -- nice continuation!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
Comment from Alaskastory
"Dead Silence" is full an adventure and moves into well described country in winter time. Nicely done.
typo: ".....a dark skinned (a) boy on thin ice"
I think they should show some kind of care here - "The pair lifted him from the bank. "What's your name, boy?" Redhawk asked (as he threw a blanket over him).
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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"Dead Silence" is full an adventure and moves into well described country in winter time. Nicely done.
typo: ".....a dark skinned (a) boy on thin ice"
I think they should show some kind of care here - "The pair lifted him from the bank. "What's your name, boy?" Redhawk asked (as he threw a blanket over him).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2020
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Thanks, Marie!
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Stan.
As always, your narrative is filled with graphic, verbal images that make the story easy to see in the mind's eye.
You referred to a Henry rifle in the beginning of the story. That is such an iconic brand and I understand it's still being made in New England and I think the company is family owned.
The rescue of the boy was extremely well written and you surrounded it with facts of their hunger and how they were surviving. You gave it a happy ending for the boy and the grandfather. I appreciate that.
Great chapter.
Robert
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Hello Stan.
As always, your narrative is filled with graphic, verbal images that make the story easy to see in the mind's eye.
You referred to a Henry rifle in the beginning of the story. That is such an iconic brand and I understand it's still being made in New England and I think the company is family owned.
The rescue of the boy was extremely well written and you surrounded it with facts of their hunger and how they were surviving. You gave it a happy ending for the boy and the grandfather. I appreciate that.
Great chapter.
Robert
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks for keeping up with it. I really appreciate your input.
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You're welcome
Comment from Ben Colder
Another suspenseful write. Good scene with boy and dog. Realistic in many places. A touch of sympathy for the old blind grandfather, a pathway toward native culture in the making. Red Hawk a God sent character. Mrs. Taylor's burden, another interest.
Stan, another good saga in the making.
The Black Hills. The bad-lands- all interesting places with many unsolved mysteries still to this day.
J-Johnson a well know film was written by three writers who i think lack the touch of your reality. Of course this is my opinion and it will never make the bucks the film made. LOL.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Another suspenseful write. Good scene with boy and dog. Realistic in many places. A touch of sympathy for the old blind grandfather, a pathway toward native culture in the making. Red Hawk a God sent character. Mrs. Taylor's burden, another interest.
Stan, another good saga in the making.
The Black Hills. The bad-lands- all interesting places with many unsolved mysteries still to this day.
J-Johnson a well know film was written by three writers who i think lack the touch of your reality. Of course this is my opinion and it will never make the bucks the film made. LOL.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks again for your input.
Comment from BethShelby
I really enjoyed this chapter. Your description of the cold winter may me shiver. You have a great cast of characters and the encounter of the boy who would rather starve than eat is dog was great writing. I really enjoy reading you story.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I really enjoyed this chapter. Your description of the cold winter may me shiver. You have a great cast of characters and the encounter of the boy who would rather starve than eat is dog was great writing. I really enjoy reading you story.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks again, Beth!
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I like this. It was very fortunate for the lad that the Mrs., Thad, and Redhawk showed up. He would have indeed been lost or frozen to death. I'm sure that his grandfather I hope will be glad for the company and food. I don't know how they've survived this long out there with his grandfather being blind and him just a lad with no gun that works and no hunting skills. I look forward to see how this all pans out. Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. Well done!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I like this. It was very fortunate for the lad that the Mrs., Thad, and Redhawk showed up. He would have indeed been lost or frozen to death. I'm sure that his grandfather I hope will be glad for the company and food. I don't know how they've survived this long out there with his grandfather being blind and him just a lad with no gun that works and no hunting skills. I look forward to see how this all pans out. Thanks for sharing this well written chapter. Well done!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks for being faithful to stay with this story.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a wonderful well told story that always grabs my heart. I can feel the cold, the pain, and the worries of the characters. You are a gifted storyteller!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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This is a wonderful well told story that always grabs my heart. I can feel the cold, the pain, and the worries of the characters. You are a gifted storyteller!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks again, Becca.
Comment from RShipp
'As we drove the horses across the white snowy dunes, the spirited wind found us, and the cold knifed through our wool. Pinned between Redhawk who held the reins and Thad who held his rifle, I was thankful to be more buffeted from the cold.' (This was such a vivid picture- I shivered!)
'Rays of sun suddenly penetrated through the tall thin trees. I could hear the sound of water cascading beneath sheets of broken ice. Boulders and sometimes walls of rock lined the edge, as if God himself had taken his finger and carved the ancient land.' (This sounds enchanting!)
I enjoyed the story of the Indian lad.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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'As we drove the horses across the white snowy dunes, the spirited wind found us, and the cold knifed through our wool. Pinned between Redhawk who held the reins and Thad who held his rifle, I was thankful to be more buffeted from the cold.' (This was such a vivid picture- I shivered!)
'Rays of sun suddenly penetrated through the tall thin trees. I could hear the sound of water cascading beneath sheets of broken ice. Boulders and sometimes walls of rock lined the edge, as if God himself had taken his finger and carved the ancient land.' (This sounds enchanting!)
I enjoyed the story of the Indian lad.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks, esp. for pulling out the sentences that resonated.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Stan. Avery good opening "hook" my friend.
"Winter took its toll on the stark, cold prairie with hardly a tree left for our fireplace." (A Grabber for sure)
You also have some fine imagery throughout, like this:
"As we drove the horses across the white snowy dunes, the spirited wind found us, and the cold knifed through our wool. Pinned between Redhawk who held the reins and Thad who held his rifle, I was thankful to be more buffeted from the cold. As we jostled about in the wagon,...."
Natural sounding dialogue too, Stan:
"No thanks, Thad. I prefer some pine tea, once we strike a match and make a fire in the woods."
"Not to worry for my soul none," He said. "Mr. Greeley's drink is strictly medicinal."
Suggestions: Try to avoid tags when it works ,like here:
"The pair lifted him from the bank.
"What's your name, boy?" Redhawk asked. (Redhawk asked) could be eliminated. You will get the feel for when you can get away with it. Look and sound is much more polished.
So it would read, ""What's your name, boy?"
Good job, my friend. You have certainly come a long way over the years. Bob
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Hi, Stan. Avery good opening "hook" my friend.
"Winter took its toll on the stark, cold prairie with hardly a tree left for our fireplace." (A Grabber for sure)
You also have some fine imagery throughout, like this:
"As we drove the horses across the white snowy dunes, the spirited wind found us, and the cold knifed through our wool. Pinned between Redhawk who held the reins and Thad who held his rifle, I was thankful to be more buffeted from the cold. As we jostled about in the wagon,...."
Natural sounding dialogue too, Stan:
"No thanks, Thad. I prefer some pine tea, once we strike a match and make a fire in the woods."
"Not to worry for my soul none," He said. "Mr. Greeley's drink is strictly medicinal."
Suggestions: Try to avoid tags when it works ,like here:
"The pair lifted him from the bank.
"What's your name, boy?" Redhawk asked. (Redhawk asked) could be eliminated. You will get the feel for when you can get away with it. Look and sound is much more polished.
So it would read, ""What's your name, boy?"
Good job, my friend. You have certainly come a long way over the years. Bob
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks, Bob. Thanks too, for pulling out the sentences that resonate.
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Keep up the good work, Stosh. Bob
Comment from Shirley McLain
I liked this chapter as I've liked all of them. You did a great job as usual. Full of suspense and action. I'm thinking Joseph and his grandfather will be all right now they've been discovered. Have a great day. Shirley
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I liked this chapter as I've liked all of them. You did a great job as usual. Full of suspense and action. I'm thinking Joseph and his grandfather will be all right now they've been discovered. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment Written 17-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks, Shirley
